Writing Withdrawal

More on the subject of fast slides into depression. Mine, reported below yesterday, came on Night 5 of a much-needed vacation. It's better today and, full disclosure: probably the main reason is an adjustment in the medication I take for my touch of obsessive-compulsive disorder, no doubt mixed with some tendency to the blues.

With that said, other things are also helping. And other causes besides my chemistry are at fault. 1.Doing without the outlet of writing and producing (other than these daily posts) is also much to blame. As is 2.some business tension. 3.The freeing up of time by not working creates a space for all kinds of things to arise and unfold.

I've pulled together A LIST OF TACTICS for dealing with these times that right many of us go through. These come from my experience and observation, the helpful replies yesterday from Billie and Debra, my doctor, my psychologist-husband, and my reading. ("All the king's horses and all the king's men.")

The List:

*Read Dr. Seuss's My Many-Colored Days
*Do some small helpful thing for someone. See The Healing Power of Doing Good.
*Go to a movie.
*Vent to a friend.
*Hang out with a friend.
*Avoid delicate transactions.
*Exercise.
*Eat chocolate (unless this will lead to a binge and feeling worse.)
*Sit it out.
*Consider the possibility that useful creative stuff is stirring; jot down any little epiphanies...or big ones.
*Remind yourself that the mood will pass.
*Do a relaxation exercise.
*Cut yourself some slack.
*Ask someone to do some small immediate favor for you.
*Do some reckless art...without regard to result.
*Cry.
*Spread mulch.
*Make love.
*Don't chop wood or vegetables.
*Make something (a cake mix? string Christmas tree beads?) This one comes from Julia Cameron of The Artist's Way)
*Organize one drawer of stuff.
*Read an utterly absorbing novel.
*Clean one dirty object.
*Do some never-see-the-light writing or drawing.
*Avoid alcohol and any personal-danger behaviors.
*Delay decisions, if possible.
*Call your doc.
*Take a nap.

WHAT I DID, in addition to more meds, is:
*complain to friends, including my husband and my doctor,
*go to see George Clooney in Michael Clayton
*get deeply involved in someone else's novel (Michael Ondaatje's)
*write blog posts
*jot down my little epiphanies, including this charming bit of distorted thinking:
when I feel bad, I'm a shameful failure, because if I'd played my cards right in life I'd have no reason to feel bad.

Probably it's good I uncovered that little doozie. Since it doesn't quite hold up in light of consciousness. That discovery alone may have been worth the trip. In any event, Humpty Dumpty is, for the moment, pretty much together again.

I welcome any other ideas you could add to the LIFT-DEPRESSION TACTICS lIST. Thanks.





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Bad Mood

What constitutes boldly living one's best life on a day when one is in a very, very bad mood?

I would love to hear what your strategy is for such times.

I am indeed in a bad mood. And since I'm on a stay-home-and-read vacation, I have lots of should-be-attractive possibilities open to me and no work to either burden or distract me.

What's clear to me is that I should avoid any negotiations or conflicts while I'm feeling this way. Not schedule any conversations that require tact and a good view of human nature.

Exercise would probably help. (Skipping?) Don't know that I'm willing to force myself to do it.

Writing this helps. But writing is my work; and so this is again just falling back on my old stand-by.

I could sit it out. See what bubbles up in my mind.

Well, I'm open to suggestions that could benefit all of us.




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Skipping

Remember skipping? Not as in cutting classes or turning past the boring parts of some books. I mean the thing you probably used to do on sidewalks.

I haven't done it in some time and haven't missed it at all.

Turning through a Positive Thinking magazine from the summer, I came across a profile of a woman, Kim Corbin, who started skipping one night with friends and decided then and there to start a national skipping movement. "'As adults, we're conditioned to conform and worry about what other people will think....When you skip, you get in touch with the side of yourself that doesn't care about all that."

Twelve years later she still skips daily, and as Head Skipper organizes several large skipping events a year.













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Decompression Update

On the 5th day of my suddenly declared reading vacation, things are going well. You might think: of course they are!

But that's not to be taken for granted. I'm probably rather hooked on work. So this sudden cold turkey--being away from it for 13 days--is for me what a silent meditation retreat or a fast might be for someone else. All kinds of things can come up.

So far they're mostly good. The reading experience is excellent. I stayed up until 3 last night finishing Marisha Pessl's novel, Special Topics in Calamity Physics. I'd have stayed up until light if necessary. Wow, what suspense! It got more intense all the way.

And then I've also felt a touch of guilt or two...at the very idea of such leisure. I'm getting over that. This morning I declared self-flagellation to be a sin, and one to be avoided at all costs. Framing it that way may well take care of the matter.

Next novel in my pile is Ondaatje's Anil's Ghost. Will report.






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The Sartorialist

If you have any interest in clothes and personal appearance as a form of self-expression, do go to The Sartorialist and check out the imaginative outfits on design-conscious people from Manhattan to Kowloon. It's a nice break from the verbal arts--and a 5 minute rejuicer of the imagination.

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Asking

A friend of mine with a demanding and highly creative job was just assigned by his boss to increase his output by an additional half.


But a fifty percent increase in salary was not part of the deal.


So this highly creative staffer asked for an extra week of vacation a year. The word's out on whether he'll get that.


It sure wouldn't happen if the guy hadn't asked.


This is a reminder, too, that even if an art buyer doesn't have a lot of money, there are lots of valuable and appropriate ways to get paid.



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Fear of Success

A writer friend once told me about a "fear of success" dream she'd had: of finding herself perched on a tall free-standing column, with a space no wider than a medium tree stump to stand on, and nothing to hold on to.

As I think back on it, I'm not sure that wasn't my dream. It's so vivid to me. If it wasn't mine, then I do know I reported one much like it in that same conversation.

I haven't had such a dream in a very long time. But almost all of us do wrestle with some sense of the discomfort of feeling exposed.

Here's an image to counter that fear: this serene and well-balanced heron, photographed by Mark LeGwin at Atlantic, NC. The bird is perfectly comfortable and at home on top of the column--and probably has the genial company of other birds on other pilings nearby. If that heron can do it, so can we.

My Current Test of Courage

I'm out of the office until Nov. 20. (But I will keep blogging.)

Being self-employed, I've always had a hard time taking time away. Just last week, I took a day and a half off, but then it occured to me that I'd taken 2.5 days of vacation since last Christmas. And that's just enough to feel the fatigue.

I've been working for this company of mine for 35 years. Probably if some wiser boss were in charge, I'd have weeks and weeks of vacation each year. Not just hours and hours.

In my work with other writers, I regularly talk about the importance of time away from work. And then ignore my own advice.

So here I go: away from my desk, with no speaking engagement or assignment. It's surprisingly scary. I'll steady myself by keeping on with the daily blogging.

A Home-Made Cruise Ship

Two fine bits of inspiration arrived in my e-mail yesterday: a home-made cruise ship and Goethe's timeless encouragement to "...Begin."

My brother Harry, a devoted boater, sent me the link to the amazing ship and its creator, Francois Zanella, a Frenchman whose day job was as a mineworker.

The subject line of the email was "along comes a hero." This man's devotion to his work of art is indeed heroic: he spent 25,000 hours on this project. This amounts to 8.6 years of 40 hour workweeks with no vacations or holidays. You don't have to build boats to appreciate this kind of dedication.

Please go to see this gorgeous piece of work. It can put a still-unrevised manuscript into perspective.

You'll note that the artist is portrayed in his captain's hat. My hat's off to this captain.


And from Mamie Potter, who shot the close-up a few posts ago of the red shoes, comes this quote from Goethe:

"Whatever you would do, or dream of doing, begin it! Boldness has power, genius, and magic in it. Begin it now."

Begin...and remember that Captain Zanella is now sailing around the world on his ship.

The Fishbowl of Creativity

A study at Brandeis led by Whitney Ruscio observed 150 students working on art projects and concluded:

creative success typically comes from real interest, curiousity, and pleasure in the activity.

Working simply to complete an assignment more often results in quantity over quality.

Negative self-doubting thoughts inhibit the process.

Some useful predictors of a good outcome include attention to some aspects of the project, such as planning; the sense of playfulness in the artist's approach; moments of excited surprise; and changes in direction of thinking.

These findings are summarized in a review at www.creativeintensive.org.

The conclusions are certainly a strong argument--if one were actually needed--to stick with the sometimes weird projects that draw our passion, even if others try to discourage us.

Ask For What You Want

The results cited here teach a useful lesson for life in the writing business and other art commerce, and for men as well as women.

"According to one university study, male assertiveness may be the real reason why men are paid higher salaries. That same study shows that when women are assertive, especially when negotiating starting salaries, her wages earned fall more in line with her male counterparts – definitely a positive characteristic. Linda Babcock, economics professor and former acting dean at Carnegie Mellon University's H. John Heinz III School of Public Policy and Management, found that of the nearly 900 CMU master’s degree graduates they surveyed, the average salary difference between males and females was about $4,000. Of those questioned, 57 percent of the men had negotiated for a higher starting salary when interviewing for their first job, compared to only 7 percent of the women. When the women negotiated for higher pay, ironically their average salaries came to about $4,000 a year more then their initial offer."

The article quoted is at emeraldcoast.com from Fort Walton Beach, Florida. See Babcock and Sara Laschever's Women Don't Ask for more encouragement and info. The same day I saw this piece online I raced to my nearest independent bookstore and bought a copy of this book. I'm halfway through it. It's terrifically useful and eye-opening. (And I'd thought my eyes were already open.) More on this to come.

Artist Types

A paper on measuring creativity by researchers at Arizona State cites Understanding Those Who Create by Jane Piirto in describing different personality traits predominating in different kinds of art. I'd never before seen a distinction made by field.

"Artists tend to be more impulsive and spontaneous than other creative people; writers tend to be more nonconforming than other types; architects tend to be less flexible than others; musicians are more introverted than others; and inventors and creative engineers tend to be more well adjusted on the whole than other types."

Agree? Disagree? Resist the whole notion of predominant types? What do you think?

Kelley's Trash Angels

Kelley Harrell is the source of the stories I've linked to recently on encounters in other realms. Here's a bit of her wisdom on better dealing with our interior realms. (Perhaps this might help me with the reflexive feistiness I was afflicted with in the Kneejerk Argument thread.)

"I've recently had the opportunity to make the acquaintance of Trash Angels. I'm not sure what else to call them exactly, but they are indeed angelic beings who are adept at taking out our trash. One of the more amazing kernels of truth available to us now is that we don't have to do everything by ourselves, even the grunt work of releasing outdated patterns, thoughts, beliefs, relationships. I've found of late that there are beings who are just waiting for the opportunity to do work in this realm, and they can only do it by invitation. So the next time you feel a self-limiting pattern in your life, give the Trash Angels permission to take it, telling them that it's no longer functional, and take it they will. If you feel the pattern creeping into your consciousness again, no bother. Give them permission to take that bit, as well! We do so often forget the support the Universe provides us, but memorable as working with Trash Angels is, the profound shifts they bring are lasting."

Isn't that a lovely strategy for getting clear? For more, visit Kelley's newsletter regularly.

Kneejerk Argument

The opposite of being awake and present in my life is falling back into the same old arguments.

I just took part in a minor verbal skirmish in my writing group. My friend Christina, the other actively religious person in the group, and I got into a polite but insistent conversation about how much of the belief of the Gnostics was based on doctrine and how much on the experience of the believer.

Now, that's likely to be a large yawn for most readers.

Not for Christina and me. We marshalled our facts and a hefty dictionary, and neither of us budged in our position.

It ended fine, with both of us where we began. We moved on to tea at the neighborhood Whole Foods, and to subjects of more general interest.

But now I'm annoyed with myself for heating up the burners under that subject once again.

I do know what it's about: I have a still-belligerent preference for personal experience over received wisdom. Which is to say that I fall into the category of "cain't tell that girl nuthin'." Or want to, anyway.

Apparently I'd also like to believe that others in history have felt the same way.

I'm fine with that. What bugs me is the feeling I got during the conversation that I was starting to behave in a preset manner, that I'd yielded in-the-moment responsiveness to a pointless old routine.

I find it damned hard to stop that reflexive feistiness once it starts, and it's such a waste of steam.

The Invisible Door

Here's a Halloween question that emerged in a previous thread:

How does one "keep the door open" to the psychic or supernatural events? Or keep it shut?

And a similar one:

How does a writer keep the door open to material from the unconscious? And the furthest reaches of the imagination?

I'd love to hear any thoughts you have, any practices that help you.

Fantastical Worlds

I just received a gallery show email announcement from my office partner Carrie Knowles about the show that is going up in the rooms around me. I have the pleasure of sharing space with an artist/writer/gallerist, and I found this description of the art show inspiring in itself. Of course, you're also invited to come should you be in the Raleigh area.

"Coming the First Friday of November
At The Free Range Studio and Gallery
Australian Artist: Diana Maloney

Fantastical Journeys


Come take a journey through the slightly ironic dream life of Diana Maloney who creates an alternative universe through her paintings, drawings, and etchings where naked mariachi bands serenade you, faeries confound you with their presence and their magic, and the role of women in society gets a fresh take.


Diana is a dynamic emerging artistic presence in Australia and her work has begun to garner a great deal of attention as it challenges our senses and explores her own sense of confinement and freedom in the world.


Her work focuses on surreal dreamlike imagery laced with wit and whimsy that shifts between worlds of the real and the unreal. Her subject matter draws on an imperfect, out-of-proportion, half-remembered playground of her childhood. She uses the female form to express symbolic, literal, allegorical and spiritual associations.


As she says of her work: “I create a fantastic and ambiguous world in my work with reference to the role of women in society.”


From her miniature paintings to her large-scale works on paper and canvas, Diana is an important new feminine voice in art.


Opening reception on November 2, 2007 from 6pm-10pm. Fantastical Journeys will be at the Free Range Studio through the end of December.The Free Range Studio and Gallery is at 410 Morson Street in downtown Raleigh. Morson is a one block street between Bloodworth and East and runs parallel to New Bern and Hargett.The Free Range Studio and Gallery is open on First Fridays and by appointment: 821-3478."

Courage in Shadowy Places

In honor of the Halloween season, here's the second spooky story from shaman and author Kelley Harrell about one of her psychic experiences.


Whether you're a believer or not, I think you'll agree that what she did in this moment required enormous courage.


(I'll be at the beach Monday and therefore silent on the blog front. Back on Tuesday.)

Festival of Thinkers

My elder stepson Chuck has just arrived in Abu Dhabi to teach English. This is a place I've known little about--and my research has unveiled for me a dazzling city. The investment in some startling architecture is the strongest first impression. After that, I came to a second surprise. Last week, Abu Dhabi hosted a Festival of Thinkers.

I'd never heard of such a thing--and I really like the idea. Those in attendance included at least one Nobel laureate, a well-known Indian artist who is now in his nineties, the first woman from east or central Africa to receive a doctorate, and an American magazine editorial director sometimes known as "the queen of the tabloids.

I don't know what global problems were solved during the few days of the event, but I'll bet some new ideas hatched and some minds were expanded.

In addition to the homesite, there's a visually stunning photo-report on Abu Dhabi and its thinking festival on New York Social Diary.

The Charisma Tape

Last night in my mailbox was the tape from somewhere in the UK by the Confidence Club on "Physical Presence."

This is the one I reported ordering to help me develop some Bill Clinton-level charisma. So of course I broke into it first thing.

It's a hypnotic induction, therefore I listened in headphones, lying on the floor with my eyes covered. Total attention, insofar as I can manage that.

The assignment is to listen two or three times a week for a month. Here's my response on my initial run: First, it's an excellent relaxation induction. I zoned out pretty quickly. Became altogether still.

After the tone-setting came the material to establish what I think of as a powerful calm. The image that I remember--and I know there's some material I don't recall--was of a majestic tree on a hill that has seen a lot of human problems come and go. The listener practices being the tree, deeply rooted and weathering everything. Good image, I think.

Also--just now when I went to the website to get the link, it reminded me of a piece that had drifted from my consciousness: the part about posture and bearing. I don't remember exactly what was said, but that can be a good sign.

My take at this point: this has a lot of potential. Maybe to help me stop fiddling with this and that while I talk.

I'm going to be interested in what my husband Bob thinks of it. He's a clinical psychologist and last night was busy prepping for a seminar he's giving today on, as it happens, self-hypnosis.

Primitive Fears and Courage

The Halloween time of year brings is a reminder of our old fears of the dark and the unknown and eerie and otherworldly.

In honor of the season this year, my friend Kelley Harrell at Soulintent Arts, is telling of some of her own experiences of the supra-normal.

I find Story One thrilling.