Though I feel pretty cool now about having this bit of surgery next week, I did notice that I've done a couple of things that I do when I'm scared and don't know it.
Yesterday morning I spent about a half an hour obsessing about what earrings to put on. Finally, I solved the problem by changing tops. If I have trouble getting dressed quickly in the morning, then for sure some uneasiness is stirring.
My other signal is when I see myself calmly do some automatic action in a nonsensical way. Pour orange juice into the jar of peanut butter instead of the glass--I stopped just short of doing that this week. Once years ago, on the morning I was taking a checkout dive to get my scuba certification, I methodically tried to put a pair of pants on over my head.
With tactics like these I've pretty much managed to avoid feeling fear directly. Am I the only one? Do other people do this?
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4 comments:
Peggy, I have never tried to put my pants on over my head, but imagining that is such a hoot!
I have, however, been in shock after a bad accident. When a person is in shock, they tend to do similar weird things. It's as though the mind is off on a tangent so that it doesn't have to deal with what's currently happening in reality. And that could be a good thing. Maybe it helps you relax and not be too uptight. Being able to laugh at these things can also release tension.
On the other hand, some of the times I have felt absolutely the strongest is when I have faced my fear. Looked it right in the eye and went ahead with whatever action was necessary. It is a feeling of destiny and determination that has no equal.
In Writers Dreaming the novelist Anne Rivers Siddons said, "I once put my kitten in the refrigerator and put the orange juice carton out the back door. I found the kitten immediately . . ."
All she was doing was getting ready to start a new novel.
I think you need some extra hugs: HUG.
Thank you, thank you, both.
Peggy
be grateful that yours only include you, or that you are solo when doing them. mine tend to come in the form of total synaptic burnout, and i forget how to speak. i don't know why, but it always manifests in speech for me. i will be speaking and have total lockdown and all words are gone. i've had it happen not just mid-sentence, but mid-syllable. i will realize that it's happening, the brain is still functioning that much, but i can't move my electricity to get the juice going again. it's a very strange space, that i can only imagine must source alzheimers. i can FEEL the synpases not hitting, but i can't do anything to change it. slo-mo train wreck.
and always at work.
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