I'm about three weeks from sending my new novel COBALT BLUE back to my agent. I can tell the end is near because I'm shifting from mood to mood in a most unsettling way.
END-OF-NOVEL MOODS SO FAR:
*relief, as if I'd already finished
*fear that this finished book is going to make trouble for me one way or another *exhaustion that makes me feel tremulous with any emotion
*indecisiveness about small, unrelated things
*feebleness as if I'm starting to come out of an illness
*anger, that it hasn't already won the National Book Award, and that it still isn't quite finished
*uneasiness about the peculiarly erotic nature of this novel
*sadness that it will soon leave my hands
*pride that it's so good
*excitement about what will happen next
So mid-morning today, I lay down on the rug in front of my desk and slept for an hour. It was an excellent solution. It's 8 pm. and I've been balanced and productive ever since. Now I'm wrapping up for the day. And soon I will re-encounter my peculiar emotional state in my dreams, at least that's the way it was last night.
I'm telling myself to cherish these interestingly tumultuous times. At least I've given up fighting off the turmoil.
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2 comments:
Congratulations on getting so close! And on being present with all the moods and feelings... not an easy thing to do.
I recently passed through much of what you describe, and am now in the throes of the Waiting Game. :)
Fortunately I had a good start on the newest book and am taking vacations from the anxiety of waiting into the rhythm and language and hearts and minds of this current cast of characters.
Am also enjoying spring, and the antics of the horses - there are more hooves now with the new guy and they make quite a sound when they start running! And we may have a new herd member soon - have found a horse who seems well-suited to be my new colleague in the venture of equine-assisted psychotherapy. She's a German Hanoverian, black, with one eye, and well-trained/beginner-safe. Exciting possibilities...
Here's to Cobalt Blue's send-off... may she fly straight into the arms of a major deal!
Thanks for the send-off wishes. I hope I'm really done this time. I hope your own herd flourishes, equine and otherwise.
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