Used to be that at the completion of each draft of each book, I'd go into a three-day emotional hell that I referred to as POST-DRAFT NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
This was like an amplifed version of coming out of a movie into bright daylight: *light too bright
*sounds too loud
*real world appears badly managed and in need of a wash
*irritants become infuriating
Fortunately, I seem to have gotten over that.
This weekend, I surprised myself with a writerly emotional phenomenon that I'd forgotten: AGENT-LOVES-MY-BOOK JITTERS.
As I boasted in my last post, my agent reported Thursday that she's quite keen on my novel. She's enthusiastically sending it out.
So this weekend, I spent much of Saturday BERATING MYSELF for:
*being too fat (false)
*being out of shape (somewhat true)
*wasting a lot of time (mostly not true)
*house in a perpetual mess (mostly true)
*berating myself (true)
Of course, I barely thought about the novel and its future at all.
On Sunday came STAGE 2 of the jitters:
*mind calm
*painfully tense neck
Still no thought of book going out this week to editors.
Today, Monday: So far so good, which will likely continue. Working tends to distract me, which is a damn good thing.
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4 comments:
I appreciate you sharing this side of getting good news with the book stuff... it's odd how it seems to work, and comforting to know other writers (and I suspect all artists) struggle with some of the same issues.
There's something about getting over one hurdle that leads directly to seeing the next one looming. The space between those two can sometimes be very small. I remember you telling me to take the time to celebrate each hurdle before getting too caught up in the next one coming.
It was good advice.
Celebrate and stay busy! And please keep sharing the process here - it is truly helpful.
Thanks, Billie. I have an easy time telling other folks to celebrate. Me?--I'm going to get around to it.
I was thinking this morning while mucking stalls (my primetime thinking place, that and the bathtub..:) about the Waiting that goes on with regards to getting work published (shown/recorded/etc.).
It's so hard for me, and yet, in other aspects of writing, there's Waiting that is wonderfully exciting, like right now, in the midst of the first draft of my new book, I'm waiting to see where these characters lead me. It's part of why I love writing, this not knowing where the story leads, but absolutely knowing that if I try to control or push it, it won't come.
So I've spent much of this morning pondering how to bring that sense of excitement and trust in the process to the Waiting for agents and editors and all the publishing world folks who sometimes feel like they have a huge hold on my creative self.
No real answer yet, but even the wondering is helping.
I received a good suggestion once about how to do the waiting: assign a part of yourself to wait and watch, then go on about other things with the rest of yourself. I found it useful.
Also, pray for the health,happiness, and wellbeing of the agents/editors you're waiting to hear from.
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