Between Semesters

Looks like I'm finished with a large writing project. There may be a few more details, but probably not much more than that.

I like the weightless feeling that getting something done gives me. On the other hand, this was extremely interesting: revising a book on a topic that fascinates me. I'll miss it.

But I haven't arrived at that mood yet: still in the weightless period, making calls I'd put off making, spending a little more time on my novel, doing smaller critiques, not rushing back from lunch, and feeling pleasantly open to surprises.

My horoscope today on Daily Om : "Feelings of boldness and a sense of self-assurance are your likely companions as you walk through life today." Yes, indeed!





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Bold Even in the Details

I was so happy with yesterday's inauguration, in large ways and small. I do feel that we begin fresh again, perhaps as we have never done before.

Here in central North Carolina, we woke up to see new fresh deep snow, as we've not seen here in quite a long while. Everything looked pristine.

And then I saw (on TV) the hundreds of thousands of flags waving on the Mall, and Obama himself, and the line-up of former presidents and defeated contenders gathered to witness the "peaceful transfer of power" and I felt a confidence in us that I haven't felt in a while.

I was also thrilled by one little detail. At the moment of word bumbling in the oath: Obama didn't get flustered! He didn't let a small problem lead to a bigger one. He was graceful and the awkward moment passed.

Hooray for a leader who can smoothly handle an awkward moment in front of a high percentage of the people in the planet -- and who also thinks straight and means well. This is the best combo I can imagine.





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V.S. Naipaul and M.L. King

Here it is MLK Day and I'm not at the march just down the street; instead I'm obsessed with V.S. Naipaul.

Now, Martin Luther King is one of the people I admire most in all of human history. Never has boldness been put to better use than in the creation of the nonviolent civil rights movement.

But this past week I've been obsessively reading The World Is What It Is, the biography of Nobel laureate writer Naipaul by Patrick French. Never have I been more engrossed in a book.

First, Naipaul is the author of one of my two favorite books, Enigma of Arrival, and I'm a devoted admirer of almost all of his work. I agree with the assessment of many that Naipaul is the best living writer of English, and an extremely perceptive observer of the world. From what I've read, I also agree with the assessment of many that he has been a world-class jerk to quite a number of people.

In my view, these two outstanding facets of the man neither excuse nor diminish each other. His work "is what it is," no matter what he has done otherwise. At the same time, the fact that his books are extraordinary, that he exerts a brilliant charm, does not make it okay to mistreat people, to act in a manner that has often seemed mean and petty and prejudiced and fiercely elitist. (When I described some of the incidents to Husband Bob, he summed up his response in an off-the-cuff couplet: "Don't mess/With V.S.")

But, as so many have been, I'm fascinated by the combo. Some would call it bold to be as unapologetically self-centered as his authorized biography shows him. I don't see it that way.

But his work is bold; it fits no categories, which is an enormous risk for a writer who wants to be published. His language and insight are of such quality that he got past that obstacle.

By contrast, Martin Luther King's view of people was bold. He wanted--and brought closer--justice and opportunity for "all of God's children."

(If Naipaul, a Trinidadian Indian, making his way alone and poor in London had not faced so much prejudice himself, he might have emerged more accepting.)

Both people have achieved something extraordinary and enduring. Neither was/is a perfect individual.(King appears to have been a less than ideal husband.) Tremendous achievement doesn't take away the less admirable aspects of a person. But when I'm feeling less than admirable, I find the example of landmark-achievement-by-flawed-human a good one to keep in mind.






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New Year's Resolution Update

Okay, it's only two weeks into the year, but anything after the first week can be a wobbly moment.

My resolution I summed up at the time as To Defuse the Resistance. And my plan of action was to meditate twice a day, ten minutes each. (explanation on earlier post.)
In short, meditation is to help me to get past the obstacles to where I want to be, on all fronts.

So far, I've been doing the meditating. That's big. And I actually got around to buying a kitchen timer last night. (I'd been peeking at the clock up til now.)

And I attribute to the meditating (and getting great feedback) the fact that I've had one significant breakthrough in revising my novel. I'm very happy about that.

On the other hand, I'm still deep into the sugar habit, Mickey D's Sweet Iced Tea and the birthday cakes in my freezer that I'm still methodically polishing off.

If I had to choose, I'd rather things go well with the novel, but the fact is, I could choose to well on both.

How's it going with any resolves or goals of yours?




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Bold Relationships

I have a box of quotes on my desk: the draw-one-a-day kind of collection. Today's card: "Courage opens the heart." I googled the sentence and found the source: Rob Kall, who has apparently given such matters a lot of thought.

Another of his I found particularly interesting is in the form of a question: "How much pleasure can you tolerate before you can't take it anymore?" The conventional wisdom is that we stick with what feels good, but it's not always true. The phrase "too rich for my blood" is often used to describe such situations. Maybe it's fear that comes from having something that we constantly fear losing.

I can remember romances in my single days that inspired that feeling; that it would be easier to be out of it than to feel that it might end any minute. Paradoxical, but that kind of thinking can really be tenacious.

I'm very happily (and intensely) married for 25 years now; it was several years into the marriage before I completely relaxed. Husband Bob kept saying, "Just take me for granted." He finally convinced me, or I finally believed him. I also feel that if he took off now, I'd already have had a bounteous share of happy marriage.

I think fully enjoying something is the antidote to the fear of it all ending, which, for some of us, takes practice.

(A psychologist friend Bryce Kaye has a chapter online from his book The Marital First Aid Kit on what he calls "hedonic inhibition" in relationships, about the inner stuff that gets in the way of having a whole lot of fun.)

(And thanks, Mamie, who is the source of the quote box, and author of the blog Can I Do It?)



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Ideal Self

It would be a bold undertaking indeed, to be one's ideal self for even an hour, much less regularly. The idea keeps coming up in my mind. When I want a behavior change, rewards usually work pretty well. But most rewards that interest me are not ideal, often involving too much sugar or cash. Ideally, being one's best would be its own reward. I've yet to have that work, maybe I haven't held out long enough.

I could start by figuring out exactly what this individual would look like. I know she would be less self-involved and more altruistic. I also know that I'm much more interested in getting into Barbie doll physical condition, which is not likely to happen, and a waste of time to attempt. (But doing it wouldn't rule out altruism; it's not either/or.) Obviously, my first bold step would be for my operating systems to get a clear idea of what my Real Best would be. Or maybe this is just procrastination, and I should go straight to work at a soup kitchen this minute, without much more than a glance in a mirror, or any further nattering over self-improvement.

Do you feel you're living at your potential much or most of the time? What does that mean? How'd you get there?



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Answering E-Mail -- All of It

Just caught up on e-mail completely. Even the ones that were harder to answer, or took time. (There's one pending that requires a piece of info I don't have yet, but that doesn't count.)

I consider this quite bold. Sometimes I'll open and close one a few times before answering it: not bold.

It feels invigorating to do these little things in an unhesitating way. And it's hard to remember that as the little things pile up.



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Jury Duty!

We showed up at 9 a.m. at the courthouse, half a courtroom full of varied individuals. The man sitting beside me, Sean, was an art director maybe in his late 30s.

In front of me were two black women who seemed to know each other. A lot of men in shirtsleeves, not a single tie. One 65ish woman in a tres svelte suit and a killer good haircut. A tired-looking blonde girl within days of having a baby. A very tall lanky young fellow with a Dutch name several rows ahead. (I know his name because he was one of the nine mildly stunned when their names were drawn, not for the trial of the day, but for a year-long appointment to the Grand Jury which meets once a month.)

At about 11 a.m. we were dismissed for three hours for the court to do preliminary business. I worked on my novel--minor changes on hard copy in pen--first at the hip, granola-ish General Store Cafe (caramel apple cake and decaf) and then when the Council on Aging started pouring in for their lunch meeting, at Hardee's (medium-sized sweet iced tea, if you must know; could have done worse.)

At 2 p.m., we all returned and filled the pews again. All of us on time, nobody skipping town. The judge Narley Cashwell, who'd done an impressive job of being clear in his explanations without being condescending, then dismissed us. The defendant, charged with assaulting a policeman, possession of drugs, etc., had decided at lunch to plead guilty. The jury pool erupted in applause at the news.

While it was an interesting little adventure in, for me, a different town than usual, none of us really longed to be there, it seemed. We were all taking time away from something else.

My point: we have a bold system of government that relies on people showing up, I do know there'd be trouble for anyone who didn't, but trouble is not always a deterrent. Our system really does rely on any and every person. I know it makes mistakes, but still... It made me kinda proud to see it again, genuinely democratic, in action.





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A Second New Year's or First Day of School

I'm in organizational tying up loose-ends mode today. In a way that I wasn't when the year actually ended. Just finished the major part of a very large project, and have a moment to clear off both my desktops (virtual and physical) and create a little order. It's very satisfying. And I always resolve to keep another pile from forming, or at least keep it from getting this high. But then it happens again, and after a while I take care of all the little items again. That seems to be the natural order. There's a business organization guru I've read, David "Getting Things Done" Allen, who describes the process as ever starting over. That's its nature. It relaxes me to think of it that way, rather than in a once-and-for-all way, followed by oops-I-let-this-pile-up-happen-again.

And tomorrow I have jury duty.


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Which Would Be the Bold, Brave, Right Decision?

I'm hooked on sweet fast-food iced tea. One large one a day.

It used to be two, and I successfully cut back to one.

The reason for this moderation is that caffeine is for me a bit of a depressant and an anxiety builder.

My remaining one large cup can still muddy my skies a bit. And I keep drinking it anyway.

The obvious wise choice would be to drink only a small one or quit altogether. But a lot of the time I'd rather drink the tall one and risk the 2 or 3 hours of being a little more jumpy and overcast.

That's a lot of time to maybe not be at my best. And I don't seem to care enough to do anything about it. So, Ideal Self, what are you going to do about it???




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Bold Recovery

My husband Bob would like everyone to know that he was very sensitive and thoughtful in his celebration of my recent birthday. This is to counter the few lines of iffy publicity he received here after his BOLD choice of a 25th anniversary present was not well received. (This happens sometimes with bold choices.)

Anyway, he has celebrated my 60th over several days, culminating last night, after I thought the celebration over, with the one-woman little inflatable kayak I'd been longing for. I am thrilled! I'm keeping the big photo on the box in front of me until it's warm enough to launch comfortably. Yay, Bob! Here I come, Jordan Lake!

Bob demonstrated great gift-boldness-gone-awry behavior. Terrific recovery!




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A Demonstration of Cheekiness (Boldness)

Do go visit the lovely and wildly flattering piece written about me and Sister India on Mojo's blog.

Here's why (other than because it's so nice about me): There's a five minute clip from a Bollywood movie that shows Varanasi, the holy city where my novel Sister India is set. It's a beautiful trip along the Ganges and the riverbank temples and old maharajah's palaces-- with just the right Hindi music. I'll likely visit the site there regularly, when I need to read an encouraging word and when I want to be taken back to India.

Posting this link was bold, don't you think?




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Achieving Sixty!!

At last: the actual day. As of 2:34 p.m. today, I have lived for sixty action-packed years. And more to go.

When my husband Bob turned sixty, my mother said: "You tell him I've had 20 good years since that age SO FAR." Now she's up to 26.

I'm thinking the same way. My big commemoration will be in October, when (for business purposes) I'm spending a month in New York. Getting a sublet. Being briefly "a New York writer."

I'm also celebrating today and all week. Note Self-portrait with Birthday Card.

I've never liked the term crone. Wise woman isn't much better. Crones and wise women don't read gossip blogs, moisturize, or wear cool shoes.

However, I do see the potential for sixty being pretty cheeky.






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High Flying

Yesterday's post was about the gumption of a lawyer-turned-jewelry-designer.

Here are a couple of William Spear enamels from my own permanent collection. Looking at them, I saw a distinct theme emerging: SOARING. Especially when I consider that my next acquisition will be the High Diver pin (blurrily photographed from the catalog.)

Soaring seems the right thing -- since tomorrow I turn sixty.

If it seems the right thing for you too, you might get/make yourself some kind of visual reminder.










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"The World's Most Wonderful Enamels" from the "King O' Pins"

Bill Spear got his law degree in Nebraska and moved to Alaska to become an assistant Attorney General.

But then he threw it all over to follow a passion sparked in him when he was four years old and saw some bright enamel pins from a military school.

He'd always liked to draw isolated objects. So, first as a hobby, then as a business: he started making drawings of objects and turning them into bright charming intricate enamel pins.

He has created over 2,000 designs. They include images you might never expect to see as a piece of jewelry: a DNA helix, a bellhop carrying suitcases, a diver in mid-air, a geisha, a crawling baby, bagpipes, or one of many different species of fish and birds and other sea creatures.

Husband Bob and I went to his shop in Juneau when we were there a few years ago. First we noticed that people all over this surprisingly small town were wearing collections of pins, all at once. Both men and women.

We tracked the pins down to their showcases at William Spear Design, and were delighted with these wee bits of wearable art, mostly hand-made. Each one is so particular that it seems like a fragment of a story. I have one of a Prairie-style house, and a dinosaur, and a book with wings, and a tube of artist's paint. I have my eye on the high diver in the red bathing suit.

They're irresistible. (And they range from about $5 to $20 each.) I'm so glad Bill Spear didn't resist the urge to create them. And thanks to the article in Coastal Living magazine for info on his history.







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Encouragement to Speak Up

"...When I meet visionary teachers who feel isolated on their own campus and ask them what they have done to make their vision known, the answer is often nothing -- which is why they are isolated. The lost will never be found until they send up a flare." from The Courage to Teach by Parker J. Palmer

My added thought: The visionary will only be a daydreamer if she doesn't make her vision accessible to others.





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Another Good Courage Quote

From Mamie, the source of many good quotes (and photos):

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day, saying...I will try again tomorrow.
- Unknown




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Hacked! And Inspired!

Someone sent 2,096 of my friends and colleagues an email Friday trying to sell electronics devices. If the message made it past your spam filter, sorry for the intrusion.

I discovered this state of affairs tonight--didn't pay much attention to my email over the weekend.

But I stayed unusually cool...all on account of an inspiring manuscript I'm reading. A young writer to whom I provided only the slightest bit of help sent me her completed novel asking if I'd consider writing a blurb for her brand-new agent to send out with the manuscript.

First, it was exciting to see what she'd done. Then I spent most of the day reading it: and the book so inspired me. The story put me in the mood to relish the minor difficulties of life as part of the big game.

I'm not always inclined to take that attitude. The last time I played a driveway game of pickup basketball, some decades ago, I got irritated because people kept waving their hands in my face.

Today's delightful reading reminded me that the waving hands and other obstructions are part of what makes the game.




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The Boldness Pledge

This is an invitation. At this auspicious time of year, what would you like to promise yourself to boldly and resolutely do? I invite you to make that decision public here in the comments some time before the end of Friday. And I will do the same.

The more specific the goal, the better. Example: to get the whole house organized vs. to spend a minimum of two hours a week cleaning out closets and shelves, until they're in the desired condition. See how a specific might get more done?

What's important about going public? The person who does this is more likely to accomplish the goal. Also, she or he gains allies and resources that way. Things fall into place better when all the world and planets can see how they might help out.

I hope you'll post here your own bold pledge to yourself.




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Have Fun!

Merry Christmas! Happy Hannukah! Happy New Year!



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