I'm a huge fan of psychotherapy. One stretch of 11 sessions over a few months when I was 32 years old led me to start writing fiction and to get (happily) married. We celebrated our 25th anniversary in December. And, BTW, I married a therapist.
At the same time, I think it's important not to act like the whole world is a therapy group. Both self-questioning (to which I'm prone) and processing every human interaction can get really annoying--and counterproductive!-- if they turn into a full-time thing.
So I was delighted to find a wise blogger who agrees with me: a singer who writes about vivid living. Christine Kane's blog has lots of good lists of tips. Here's item number 7 from "10 Ways to Set a Powerful Intent."
"Move out of therapy thinking and into forward thinking.
Therapy is and has been a great help to many of us, AND it can be easy to get stuck in seeing yourself as flawed. It’s a habit. Therapy thinking says, “I have to get it all fixed before I can move on to better things.” Forward thinking says, “What would happen if I acted in spite of how I’m feeling about my life, or my capabilities?”
When it comes right down to it, we’re all complete train wrecks. Have a little celebration about your own train-wreck-ed-ness (invite the rest of us too), and then move forward, take actions, and learn that it is possible to function well without having figured it all out."
My fellow train wrecks, she's right. My own wise Mom tends to say: "Life is not about getting ready." And: "Do something, if it's wrong." This shorthand does not mean to go rob a bank, it means take some action that would appear to be toward the good and if that doesn't work, modify it or try something else. In other words: rock on!
(And have a Happy Mother's Day today.)
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Saturday, May 09, 2009
Bold Roses
Came home from work last night to find that my rambling roses had exploded into bloom. They're very pale pink and they looked spectacular (by the standards of my garden) even in the dark as I drove up.
Last year (first season) they bloomed a little, and then grew like crazy everywhere, up to the second floor, pushing up against a window, etc.
I like their doing this all at once, instead of tiptoeing out, a few and then a few more. It seems both bold and generous.
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Last year (first season) they bloomed a little, and then grew like crazy everywhere, up to the second floor, pushing up against a window, etc.
I like their doing this all at once, instead of tiptoeing out, a few and then a few more. It seems both bold and generous.
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Friday, May 08, 2009
Itchy for a Call
Since Monday I've been on the alert for a phone call. Monday is when the itching started. First my head, then an arm...and so on. It took me four days of scratching to think what is usually my first thought about any physical complaint: could this all be IN my head rather than on it?
That thought, as well as a chat at dinner with psychologist/hypnotist husband Bob put a sudden and total end to Itchy-and-Scratchy. The problem was gone. It should always be so easy.
And: I should refrain from using my creativity and magic in this way. There's no end to the trouble I can make for myself. Better to make up novels.
Bob reminded me of a New Yorker article on itching and the mind, aptly titled "The Itch." that talks about how the mind may be filling in info from tiny bits of data: connect-the-dots. Called the "brain's best guess."
My research also turned up someone who itched during yoga, another whose feet itched when she washed dishes, and one who itched whenever her hands were full with two bags.
With me and the business of a phone call, I think it may come down to the fact that I'd rather be active than passive, rather do something than wait. Surely I can find something better to do.
I'm starting to feel a faint tickle as I write this. Must stop now.
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That thought, as well as a chat at dinner with psychologist/hypnotist husband Bob put a sudden and total end to Itchy-and-Scratchy. The problem was gone. It should always be so easy.
And: I should refrain from using my creativity and magic in this way. There's no end to the trouble I can make for myself. Better to make up novels.
Bob reminded me of a New Yorker article on itching and the mind, aptly titled "The Itch." that talks about how the mind may be filling in info from tiny bits of data: connect-the-dots. Called the "brain's best guess."
My research also turned up someone who itched during yoga, another whose feet itched when she washed dishes, and one who itched whenever her hands were full with two bags.
With me and the business of a phone call, I think it may come down to the fact that I'd rather be active than passive, rather do something than wait. Surely I can find something better to do.
I'm starting to feel a faint tickle as I write this. Must stop now.
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Thursday, May 07, 2009
New Flavor, New Law
Four times a day forever, a friend of mine has to drink a tall glass of water with a vile pink powder stirred into it. It's medication.
Yesterday she called the manufacturer, their Customer Service Department, and asked if they would please develop a new flavor. The customer rep fumbled about and then sent her call to the Regulatory Department. They're probably not going to be the ones to add mango or licorice or bubble gum to their stock. But someone may. I wouldn't be surprised.
What I like is her taking the initiative to go to the source and ask for a change. It costs nothing to dial an 800 number and sometimes it works.
By contrast, another friend said to me once, "But it's the law. You can't change the law."
Yes, you can. I covered the NC state legislature for years for the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot newspaper and on NC public TV. This gave me the opportunity to see that laws are made up, just like fiction except that lawmaking is done by committees. In this country, we elect the committees, and we can go talk to them. See: "How to Lobby a Bill into Law." It's a lot of work, but it can be done. Realizing that is a reminder of how many other things are also possible.
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Yesterday she called the manufacturer, their Customer Service Department, and asked if they would please develop a new flavor. The customer rep fumbled about and then sent her call to the Regulatory Department. They're probably not going to be the ones to add mango or licorice or bubble gum to their stock. But someone may. I wouldn't be surprised.
What I like is her taking the initiative to go to the source and ask for a change. It costs nothing to dial an 800 number and sometimes it works.
By contrast, another friend said to me once, "But it's the law. You can't change the law."
Yes, you can. I covered the NC state legislature for years for the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot newspaper and on NC public TV. This gave me the opportunity to see that laws are made up, just like fiction except that lawmaking is done by committees. In this country, we elect the committees, and we can go talk to them. See: "How to Lobby a Bill into Law." It's a lot of work, but it can be done. Realizing that is a reminder of how many other things are also possible.
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Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Creating for a New Generation
Since posting about star designer Philippe Starck, I learned that he gave one of those famous TED speeches, where you give the talk of your lifetime in 18 minutes: a great concept and a great series.
So I went to listen to Starck's TED talk. A little frustrating, a lot inspiring. This man looks at the truly big picture in order to design the humblest objects (he has also designed some pretty grand ones.)
To design a toothbrush, he says, you have to think of the mouth and the species the mouth belongs to. And that subject took him back to the origins of life about 4 billion years ago. The bacteria back then had no idea what we would be like today. "Today we have no idea what we'll be in 4 billion years....Every generation thinks he's the final one."
But we're not the final one, and we're still evolving. So, the job of each of us is "to be a good mutant," and help to create the tools that the next generation will need to do their best for those who succeed them. That's what keeps him working, he says, even when he's designing something as lowly as a toilet brush.
It seems to me that that kind of thinking can take the pressure off. If what I'm doing is just taking the next step, then I'm simply playing my part in a group effort. Starck says that we don't have to be geniuses, we just have to participate.
If you like this post, please bookmark it on del.icio.us, share it on StumbleUpon, vote for it on Digg. Thanks so much.
So I went to listen to Starck's TED talk. A little frustrating, a lot inspiring. This man looks at the truly big picture in order to design the humblest objects (he has also designed some pretty grand ones.)
To design a toothbrush, he says, you have to think of the mouth and the species the mouth belongs to. And that subject took him back to the origins of life about 4 billion years ago. The bacteria back then had no idea what we would be like today. "Today we have no idea what we'll be in 4 billion years....Every generation thinks he's the final one."
But we're not the final one, and we're still evolving. So, the job of each of us is "to be a good mutant," and help to create the tools that the next generation will need to do their best for those who succeed them. That's what keeps him working, he says, even when he's designing something as lowly as a toilet brush.
It seems to me that that kind of thinking can take the pressure off. If what I'm doing is just taking the next step, then I'm simply playing my part in a group effort. Starck says that we don't have to be geniuses, we just have to participate.
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Tuesday, May 05, 2009
One Brave Flower
This year's crop of irises at my house turned out to be a total of one. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, whether it's the increasing shade, the fact that the rhizomes are buried in periwinkles or the wrong fertilizer, but my once lush iris patch has pretty much given up. (And I have divided them!)
Still, this year there is the one bold yellow iris that has the spunk to stand alone.
I just googled this iris and the website I read said it's a pest and told how to get rid of it. I don't need help with making things not grow. I say: celebrate this hardy individual.
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Still, this year there is the one bold yellow iris that has the spunk to stand alone.
I just googled this iris and the website I read said it's a pest and told how to get rid of it. I don't need help with making things not grow. I say: celebrate this hardy individual.
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Monday, May 04, 2009
Your Formula for Creativity
The astonishing designer Philippe Starck told Fast Company magazine his formula for creativity: "Every morning, take royal jelly and omega-3 oil, eat oysters, and have a good sexual life. Don't care about anything, and never listen to anybody. Be free."
Do you have a formula for creativity? Mine is show up and write. But I've yet to reach the Starck level of success. Maybe I should rethink.
(Royal jelly is produced by the salivary glands of worker bees and fed to up-and-coming queen bees.)
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Do you have a formula for creativity? Mine is show up and write. But I've yet to reach the Starck level of success. Maybe I should rethink.
(Royal jelly is produced by the salivary glands of worker bees and fed to up-and-coming queen bees.)
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Sunday, May 03, 2009
The Puppy Portrait
The puppy-in-the-garden-with-Bob portrait is a tradition at my house. I've taken a picture of Bob holding each subsequent pup, but we waited too late to shoot this one.
Aura at 5-ish months weighs about 75 pounds. She may look uncomfortable, but she was fine. Bob, on the other hand, says he's not hoisting any more dogs this size.
Aura will weigh in at about 140 when she's grown. It takes a bold dog person to take on a dog this size. And he already has another mastiff type dog who outweighs me. It's a team of canine Clydesdales.
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Aura at 5-ish months weighs about 75 pounds. She may look uncomfortable, but she was fine. Bob, on the other hand, says he's not hoisting any more dogs this size.
Aura will weigh in at about 140 when she's grown. It takes a bold dog person to take on a dog this size. And he already has another mastiff type dog who outweighs me. It's a team of canine Clydesdales.
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Saturday, May 02, 2009
Sunlight Shining Through Cobalt blue
Simply because my new novel is called "Cobalt Blue" and I'm in a novel-aggrandizing mood...
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Friday, May 01, 2009
Launch Your Own Adventure
It's Friday, day of the planet Venus, the Roman goddess of love. It's spring. The weather is gorgeous, at least here in Raleigh. So think of a good adventure to launch, large or small, to celebrate the day and the season. (The beauty bush at the edge of my woodland garden is celebrating.)
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Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Godwinks
I never heard the term before yesterday, but now I'm completely charmed by the idea. "Godwinks" (on Beliefnet.com) encourage courage. How could they not?
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Live at "Dancing Like the Stars"
On Sunday afternoon, Ruth Sheehan, one of my intrepid sisters-in-law, engaged in a public dance competition at the N.C. State Fairgrounds on behalf of children with special needs and the honor of the newspaper industry. She and her dance partner won!
That's her in the pink sequins, as photographed on my phone by her nine year old son Tucker who was sitting beside me at Dancing Like The Stars. She's dancing with Dick Hensley, a dance instructor who performed in the movie Dirty Dancing.
Ruth is a columnist at Raleigh's News & Observer, and she was competing against TV people (accustomed to performing in person). Each of the media contestants had a professional dance partner who rehearsed with her/him for six weeks. Then they all got dolled up like those on the TV show, "Dancing With the Stars" and each couple danced for the live audience.
People could vote on-line, after watching a video of a rehearsal, or at the performance. Votes cost $10 for the first and $1 for any additional. The money went to the Bubel/Aiken Foundation, for programs that promote inclusion of kids with special needs. The show was emceed by Clay Aiken's mother, Faye Parker. (Clay's from here in Raleigh.)
Ruth and Dick got the most votes. No way could a devout newspaper person let a broadcaster win. Never mind that one of them was a former Washington Redskins cheerleader and Ruth has long been known for bumping into doorjambs and the edges of things. But you can't beat a crusading columnist like her; as one of the judges, a waggish Simon Cowell wannabe, said: Ruth, your dancing, like your column was all over the place and leaning a little to the left.
I don't know how much money the children's foundation took in, but I'm guessing it was a fair amount. Because the competition was seriously bold. One 6'5" sportscaster did "the worm" across the stage and jumped over his partner. The dancers went all out, and what a lot of fun it was.... There's nothing like getting fiercely competitive and bold in pink sequins--and for a good cause.
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That's her in the pink sequins, as photographed on my phone by her nine year old son Tucker who was sitting beside me at Dancing Like The Stars. She's dancing with Dick Hensley, a dance instructor who performed in the movie Dirty Dancing.
Ruth is a columnist at Raleigh's News & Observer, and she was competing against TV people (accustomed to performing in person). Each of the media contestants had a professional dance partner who rehearsed with her/him for six weeks. Then they all got dolled up like those on the TV show, "Dancing With the Stars" and each couple danced for the live audience.
People could vote on-line, after watching a video of a rehearsal, or at the performance. Votes cost $10 for the first and $1 for any additional. The money went to the Bubel/Aiken Foundation, for programs that promote inclusion of kids with special needs. The show was emceed by Clay Aiken's mother, Faye Parker. (Clay's from here in Raleigh.)
Ruth and Dick got the most votes. No way could a devout newspaper person let a broadcaster win. Never mind that one of them was a former Washington Redskins cheerleader and Ruth has long been known for bumping into doorjambs and the edges of things. But you can't beat a crusading columnist like her; as one of the judges, a waggish Simon Cowell wannabe, said: Ruth, your dancing, like your column was all over the place and leaning a little to the left.
I don't know how much money the children's foundation took in, but I'm guessing it was a fair amount. Because the competition was seriously bold. One 6'5" sportscaster did "the worm" across the stage and jumped over his partner. The dancers went all out, and what a lot of fun it was.... There's nothing like getting fiercely competitive and bold in pink sequins--and for a good cause.
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Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Dancing Like The Stars
The dancer in pink took action beyond-bold for a good cause on Sunday. More to come on this story tomorrow.
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Monday, April 27, 2009
Never Shake a Baby
Seems like it's either Pickle Day or Fork Lift Operator Month or some such, every time the calendar page turns over.
This month is one we might take notice of: National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Here's something you can do in observance that is so easy it barely counts as bold. But it's important: Go to the site of the Child Abuse Prevention Center and take the Never-Shake-A-Baby pledge, on the right below the kiddo with enormous eyes and a pacifier. Raising awareness of the danger will help to educate and pacify babysitters and parents who have run out of patience.
Here are a few other actions you can take. Intervening in child abuse is truly bold.
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This month is one we might take notice of: National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Here's something you can do in observance that is so easy it barely counts as bold. But it's important: Go to the site of the Child Abuse Prevention Center and take the Never-Shake-A-Baby pledge, on the right below the kiddo with enormous eyes and a pacifier. Raising awareness of the danger will help to educate and pacify babysitters and parents who have run out of patience.
Here are a few other actions you can take. Intervening in child abuse is truly bold.
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Sunday, April 26, 2009
Raising Children Who Shine
"I want their lives to always feel full and purpose-driven. I want to watch them as they continue to sprout new feathers on their wings and as they share their gifts with the world." From the blog of regular contributor Debbie, who writes about her "four angel daughters."
You have to see the photos of "Little Miss Fierce," Angel Daughter Number Four dancing hip-hop. They're as good as hearing the beat of the music itself. You'll want to dance to your own lively beat.
And don't miss what their momma has to say. On an earlier post, she talks about the kind of encouragement she received:
"My dad is a tough man, but he is also an incredible cheerleader. In so many ways, I am who I am because of him. A realist who chooses to believe that we can all do great things.
Strive to do something great. Not perfect, just fantastic."
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You have to see the photos of "Little Miss Fierce," Angel Daughter Number Four dancing hip-hop. They're as good as hearing the beat of the music itself. You'll want to dance to your own lively beat.
And don't miss what their momma has to say. On an earlier post, she talks about the kind of encouragement she received:
"My dad is a tough man, but he is also an incredible cheerleader. In so many ways, I am who I am because of him. A realist who chooses to believe that we can all do great things.
Strive to do something great. Not perfect, just fantastic."
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Friday, April 24, 2009
Stand By Someone
Take some inspiration from street musicians around the world who "Play for Change." Listen to "Stand By Me." Click on the big screen-filling picture of Grandpa Elliott in New Orleans.
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Thursday, April 23, 2009
Small Changes in Routine
Blogging outdoors in my bathrobe, sitting in my car in our driveway, where reception is better than inside. The air is room-temp, so I've left the car door open; birds are happily chirtling in the trees, nice liquid-y sounds. A horse fly madly buzzs against the inside of windshield, trying to get out.
Even small changes in routine are great for the creativity and sense of adventure: I've gotten a lot of pretty good work done this morning. Now off to the writers' group I've been meeting with for 26 years: some good things to be said for routine as well.
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Even small changes in routine are great for the creativity and sense of adventure: I've gotten a lot of pretty good work done this morning. Now off to the writers' group I've been meeting with for 26 years: some good things to be said for routine as well.
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Wednesday, April 22, 2009
"Two Roads Diverged in a Yellow Wood..."
Today I'm in the particular swivet known as "Which Should I Work On?". I'm talking about my own writing, not clients' projects which follow a more easily-decided schedule. I have two unfinished projects of my own (more than that actually, but two that are extremely timely) and last night at dinner with another novelist I got great encouragement to focus on the one I hadn't been thinking about lately.
"Do you know how much money you can get for a YA paranormal romance these days?" she said. She described this time as the "golden age" of Young Adult books. I happen to have a draft of such a novel.
So after dinner I went searching round the house for it. Found it in only the second room I tried. It was under the guest room bed. The colleague I had lunch with today responded to this story with, "Talk about hiding money under the mattress."
We'll see.
I started reading my old draft last night, thought it pretty good, though I know it's going to need a stronger ending. This afternoon my ambition is to make good progress on some book or another, and not fritter too much of my time asking myself which one.
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"Do you know how much money you can get for a YA paranormal romance these days?" she said. She described this time as the "golden age" of Young Adult books. I happen to have a draft of such a novel.
So after dinner I went searching round the house for it. Found it in only the second room I tried. It was under the guest room bed. The colleague I had lunch with today responded to this story with, "Talk about hiding money under the mattress."
We'll see.
I started reading my old draft last night, thought it pretty good, though I know it's going to need a stronger ending. This afternoon my ambition is to make good progress on some book or another, and not fritter too much of my time asking myself which one.
If you like this post, please bookmark it on del.icio.us, share it on StumbleUpon, vote for it on Digg. Thanks so much.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Anger Strategy
How does one boldly handle irritability that arises for no particular reason or at least has nothing to do with the innocents who cross one's path?
I have an idea that total withholding of the snappishness that longs to surface isn't good for the relationships. But neither is the full-strength snapping.
Intellectually I know that the right thing is to say: I'm in an irritable mood. Then the other person can proceed forewarned. But that doesn't feel particularly satisfying. In fact, the prospect annoys me more.
Exercise is always good, gardening in particular. But I need to work just now.
Looking out my office window to the deck of the house door next has possibilities. The 46 year-old woman who lived there died two weeks ago of pancreatic cancer. As I sit here, that approach is starting to work.
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I have an idea that total withholding of the snappishness that longs to surface isn't good for the relationships. But neither is the full-strength snapping.
Intellectually I know that the right thing is to say: I'm in an irritable mood. Then the other person can proceed forewarned. But that doesn't feel particularly satisfying. In fact, the prospect annoys me more.
Exercise is always good, gardening in particular. But I need to work just now.
Looking out my office window to the deck of the house door next has possibilities. The 46 year-old woman who lived there died two weeks ago of pancreatic cancer. As I sit here, that approach is starting to work.
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Monday, April 20, 2009
Let Your Mind Rock and Roll
Today I'm fulminating primarily on the Mystic-Lit blog. The title is "The Greasy Elements Approach to Writing." Doesn't that title entice you?
The basic idea is to improve creativity by visually dislodging and breaking up the frozen clusters of words and images so that they interact in new ways. Doing Word Jumbles is my laboratory for this technique.
While you're over at Mystic Lit, do check out some of the other essays on writing. A lot of interesting writers have contributed there, including Greta James who is a regular visitor here.
If you like this post, please bookmark it on del.icio.us, share it on StumbleUpon, vote for it on Digg. Thanks so much.
The basic idea is to improve creativity by visually dislodging and breaking up the frozen clusters of words and images so that they interact in new ways. Doing Word Jumbles is my laboratory for this technique.
While you're over at Mystic Lit, do check out some of the other essays on writing. A lot of interesting writers have contributed there, including Greta James who is a regular visitor here.
If you like this post, please bookmark it on del.icio.us, share it on StumbleUpon, vote for it on Digg. Thanks so much.
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