Fumbling Confidence

Just noted a new "follower" of this blog named FumblingConfidence. The name grabbed me. Anybody who admits to fumbling with confidence has a fair amount, as well as courage.

And then I went to her blog, and discovered that, yes, her views are clear and bold. It takes some spunkiness to admit to less than total confidence, which is what most of us have, at least some of the time.

On a related subject: I only in recent days posted the "following" list so that it's visible on my blog. One, I hadn't figured out how. Two, the number looked so embarrassingly low, and not a fair representation of the actual amount of activity.

Well, I got pushed into the pool by a blog-helper who in the process of solving another problem for me, posted the group. And since then, the number has almost doubled. Still not exactly a crowd, but persuasive evidence of the power of going public.

If you'd like to get your own picture here, scroll down a bit and look to the left where you will see a link that says Follow and click on it. I'd be delighted to see you here.

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Fairy Encounters and the Courage to See and Speak

About yesterday's class in Remedial Fairy Viewing: for those who are open to the possibility, it was a class in ordinary practical techniques for attempting something nearly unbelievable.

For anyone who isn't open to the idea(and you probably did not attend), instructor Megan Mitchell still offered some wisdom. It was a talk about "the expansion of the possible" and learning to pay extraordinary attention.

Techniques for Better Fairy Viewing

Lesson 1: Become aware of which of your senses is dominant and expect the most revealing information (about anything) to come through that window. Mitchell doesn't see fairies; if she closes her eyes, she doesn't even visualize the room she's in. So if she hasn't taken in what the chairs and floor look like, how could she see something subtle and evanescent? Instead, she hears--and gets translations in her dreams.

Lesson 2: The better vocabulary you develop for the fleeting things you observe, the more detailed your experience will be. We do tend to deny the existence of things that don't fit; as in, "I didn't really see that" or "I made that up" or "That could not have happened."

Lesson 3: Recall the imaginary friend of your childhood--or create one--and tell that friend what you want to see.

Lesson 4: Before going to sleep, ask your dreams to answer a specific question you have about a plant or bush or tree. Expect the answer to be cloaked in surprising symbolism.

Also:
*"Natural intelligences want to communicate with you."
*Leave food offerings in private garden spots. Butter is "wildly popular" with the nature spirit world.

The Courage to Say What You See

Now, about the matter of speaking up: I once wrote a novel (Revelation) about a minister who hears God speaking out loud in English in his back yard in Chapel Hill. Does he rush to tell his congregation? No. He's embarrassed; he doesn't believe in this sort of thing. Plus, people will think he's crazy.

One member of the audience yesterday disclosed that years ago he had started seeing elfin creatures and he was put in a hospital for a couple of weeks. He decided that he would not see them any more, because it was too frightening.

Total disclosure:

*I once saw a floating orb of light above a woman's head. About the size of a pearl onion and just as real as anything else in the room.
*I once felt a hawthorn tree sending me a warm current of communication, about six or eight inches wide. It went into my chest, looped around, came out and headed back toward the tree.
*I once felt sharp puffs of air against my cheek with no discernible explanation.

That's my whole catalog. I wish it were larger. As a self-employed novelist, I really don't risk anything by saying things that some might consider loony.

I'm working on expanding my sense of the possible, so I can take in whatever is now out of my reach. Probably it would help if I ever managed to talk in person about these things without a hint of an eyeroll or sardonic tone.

Seen/felt/heard anything extraordinary lately?

I've found lots of stories of seeing fairies online. Hearing about someone else's experience is one way any of us can expand our ideas of what's possible.

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A Good Sign

A long-time biker bar (Hogs not ten-speeds) is on my route between home and office. I've never stopped there, though it has often crossed my mind.

Recently a sign went up outside the place that I thought pretty bold, and delightful as well. The sign: "It's A Boy." And the little marquee was festooned with appropriate decorations.

It takes a bold biker to make a tender announcement.

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Call Your Congressman Monday

An invitation arrived here that's open to anyone who has things to say about improved health insurance coverage:


"Event: National Strike for Health Care Reform

"Put an end to murder by spreadsheet. Demand an alternative to private, for-profit health insurance. Demand public, universal health care coverage."

What: Protest
Host: You -- and as many fellow citizens as you can assemble
Start Time: Monday, July 6 at 8:00am
End Time: Monday, July 6 at 6:00pm
Where: Everywhere in the United States of America

To see more details and RSVP, follow the link below:
http://www.facebook.com/n/?event.php&eid=93893269141&mid=a8e182G4b0e108aG8f29dbG7"

I don't have a detailed plan in mind myself for health care insurance reform. But I know for sure that we need it.

This invitation, as you'll see if you follow the link, suggests staying home from work and buying nothing and calling Congressmen all day.

I disagree, especially in this economy, with the idea of skipping out on a job and boycotting already-endangered retailers.

I do heartily endorse the idea of a nation-wide call-in insisting on reform that makes sure everybody has good affordable health insurance, with coverage that is pro-health rather than a Catch-22 system where, for example, it's impossible to know whether a procedure is covered until it's done.

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Free to Pontificate

Useful talk today in the writing workshop I'm leading this week at Meredith College--useful for me, as it happens. We were talking about writing dialogue, and the vocabulary and sentence construction that makes a person sound authoritative or timid.

I said I use "I think..." too much before making my pronouncements while giving feedback on people's work. What I'm trying to do is not be bossy, which my younger brothers have observed I'm capable of. But I overdo the soft-pedaling. One of the writers in the group said she doesn't need all that I-think kind of preamble.

What a relief to hear someone say that. Now I feel free to be as bossy and commanding/assertive as I want to, since others do know without my telling them that they are free write any way they want.

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Too Revealing? Oh, Well

Second class day at the Meredith Writers Workshop. This afternoon we held the faculty readings. The three of us--poet Betty Adcock, novelist and memoirist Nancy Peacock, and I--all chatted and read for about 15 minutes each to an audience of the combined classes.

I read the opening few pages of my novels Sister India and Revelation and told the group where the idea had come from for each. Well, that's fairly personal. They now know a lot more about me than they did. I often wonder whether I've gone too far, offered Too Much Information. That's probably true for at least a few people in any audience.

But I'm pretty much past actually worrying about it, which is a relief. Because once you start second-guessing what people in an audience think, you're in for a lot of wasted time and energy.

I think a part of why I like public speaking is that trying to do it just right for everybody is so obviously impossible that I don't worry about it and say what I want. It's paradoxically freeing.

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Elizabeth Edwards Sets a Good Example

Here's to Elizabeth Edwards for speaking up and writing her book!

Her whole life has been made public and has been discussed all over the country by others, including John Edwards. I'm astonished at the critics who think that she should not weigh in on the subject herself.

She has done so in a manner that seems to me honest and dignified. I think it sets a better example for her kids than would hiding out from the whole world.







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Boldness and Good Boundaries

Yesterday on the phone with my friend, teacher, and fellow novelist Laurel Goldman I had one of those ping-moments of realization.

Rattling on about my work consulting with writers, I realized all in an instant why I prefer working with people one-to-one rather than leading a long-term close-knit weekly group. I'd always thought that my reluctance to run such a group had to do with the extreme regularity of it.

Now I know that that's the smaller part of my objection. I prefer the one-to-one irregular contacts better because I don't have to witness the immediate unhappiness that critical feedback can bring. I typically hear from the person again only after she or he has decided what to do or not do with my feedback, and has gotten past any anger or disappointment.

That period of disconnection allows me to be as fully forthcoming with my thoughts as I need to be in order to be useful.

This is true of me because my boundaries (my sense of separateness from other people)haven't been strong enough long enough for me to tell every critical thought I've had without a significant possibility of holding back, consciously or unconsciously, in a mistaken effort to protect both of us.

For a person who is paid to give feedback on writing to withhold a response to the work is malpractice. It's cheating the other person.

For me, this little distance lets me keep my balance better, allows me to be bolder and freer, more objective and better at doing this kind of work.

After all, doctors don't usually treat their own family members. Lawyers don't go home with clients to whom they've had to deliver some hard-to-take information; if they did, and witnessed any resulting unhappiness, they might be tempted to soft-pedal in a way that ultimately hurts the client.

So for the time being I structure this little distance. Maybe one day my sense of separateness will let me do it differently, or maybe not.

In any event, I'm glad to have figured out this connection between boundaries and being as fully outspoken as I need to be.










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