Ten-Second Meditative Moment

Here's a cool, calming and confidence-inducing trick. I found it in a book I put on my list of ideas for my husband of what I'd like to get for Christmas: Kundalini Yoga Meditation: Techniques Specific for Psychiatric Disorders, Couples Therapy, and Personal Growth by David S. Shannahoff-Khalsa. This may not seem like a good stocking item, but it has good stuff in it.

This technique is one piece of a long and complicated meditation for dealing with obsessive-compulsive disorder. It's also for use in sticky moments during the day, when one might tend to tense-up. Particularly useful because it doesn't show.

All you do is take a deep breath and hold it for about three seconds, just long enough to think the syllables, vic-to-ry, then let the breath go. I do it two or three times, especially when I catch myself in any nervous habit. This creates a mini-break, slows mounting agitation, and is a nicely affirming message. (Vic-to-ry, BTW, is ideally not victory over other folks involved.)


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Getting Rid of a Phobia

It's not too strong to say that I've had a lifelong phobia about taking care of kids. (see previous two posts)

Well, I think it's busted. And after only two nights with three children, my admirable youngest nephews..

Harley, the oldest at twelve, says that it wasn't baby-sitting anyway, it's pre-teen caregiving.

Even so, the experience involved giving out doses of flu medicine, and being judged competent by five year old Franklin to shampoo his hair.

It went well. I did okay, even though the mother-on-duty at the carpool line at the elementary school found mysterious reasons to laugh at me every day.

Now I'm surprised and relieved and short of sleep. And it's Valentine's Day. An excellent day to leave social phobias behind.



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The Anticipatory Anxiety Was the Hard Part

Bottom line: spending last night with the three young nephews went well. (See previous post for my irrational fears about this.)

All three boys were fun and good company, and the older two told me everything that needed doing. And my husband Bob arrived mid-evening in time to go out chasing Dash, the hound I accidentally let out.

Pizza and American Idol, with our living room reviews of each performance, kept everybody happy.

In fact, with the exception of driving and the security of having an adult around, I think Harley (12) and Tucker (9) could take care of themselves and their five-year-old brother just fine.

I did flub a few things. I thought we could walk out and get in the car and that would take maybe one minute. Wrong. It was more like moving troops and Tucker was worried that I was going to make him late. Also, I left the trash can in reach of the two hounds and they spread garbage all over the breakfast room floor. But nothing serious went wrong.

And so a major barrier crossed--my being responsible, even briefly, for children. Tonight, lasagne, making sure Tucker's school project is done, and perhaps being a little more relaxed.


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Fear of Baby-Sitting

Kids scare me more than almost anything. What's troubling is the idea of being responsible for one or more, the trapped feeling of not being able to look away. This is no doubt a function of my touch of obsessive-compulsive disorder, which focuses on the fear of doing harm.

Tonight and tomorrow night, my husband and I are staying with my younger three nephews, ranging from age 5 to 12. They're lovely boys, every one.

Still... This is my vulnerable area, and I'll be there for at least two hours before Bob arrives. Intellectually I know it'll all be fine.

However, it still feels huge. Risky. Unsettling.

It's clear to me that one thing I need to do is give myself credit for doing it at all. Another is to let this remind me to have sympathy for people whose fears I don't share: of flying or public speaking or traveling alone.

I'll let you know how tonight goes. I expect that once I get there it will be fine.



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Characters Behaving Badly

From Digital Digressions: Debunking Popular Myths about Creativity:

"Creativity...involves making the familiar strange and the strange familiar."

In writing my novels, I seem to specialize in making the strange familiar. I like taking difficult characters, sometimes behaving badly, and making them clear enough that anyone can understand why they act the way they do.

In my writing, I want to make it possible to identify with anyone. Partly because it's a challenge. Partly because I'm curious about why people surprise me the way they do.


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Getting Results

We've talked in some recent posts about having a theme for the year. Here's an example that seems to be working for Kay Summerlin in California:


"My goal this year has been to FOCUS. I have attention deficit and
am easily diverted with my short attention span, so focusing helps me
stay on track. Dave built me a large bulletin board which covers a two
foot wide swath across my study wall, where I can place pictures,
words and notes about my studies. It seems to be working to remind me
of my quest. I have always tried to do too many things at once and
find that my research gets watered down when I don't keep at it."


Keeping one idea in mind, such as focus, or fitness, or productivity, through all the small decisions of a day can mount up to a big difference.





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Check Your V.I.T.A.L.S.

How Do You Do Something That You Don't Want to Do? Check your V.I.T.A.L.S.

V.
Validate-validate your feelings, the "I don't want to...", there is a real reason for how you feel.

I.
Imagine-imagine yourself doing it peacefully and productively.

T.
Take Small Steps-break down the project into bite-size pieces.

A.
Applaud yourself- encourage your efforts, cheerlead, and coach (e.g., enjoy the feeling of making progress on the project.)

L.
Lighten the load- remember what you are getting out of by doing this (e.g., reducing guilt, shame, or anxiety; avoiding the negative consequences....)

S.
Sweeten the pot -add something during or after that you like, reward your efforts (e.g., enjoy the feeling of accomplishment.)



Used with permission of Meggan Moorhead and Triangle Area D.B.T.



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Three Inspiring Opportunities

1. Learn to use self-hypnosis for putting aside fears and enhancing creativity. My psychologist husband Bob Dick is offering a one-day class at our house in rural Chatham County,NC, on February 22.

2. Writing with Horses: Finding Forward Motion in your Writing will be led by novelist/psychotherapist/
horsewoman Billie Hinton on March 1 and 22, also in Chatham County.

3. For those who can't get to North Carolina in the coming weeks (and the rest of us),Coach Laura Neff of Charlotte invites all to take part in a Living Boldly call-in discussion.

I highly recommend all three of these.


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A Message from the Universe

"Let us dare to read, think, speak and write."
John Adams, 1765

This quote was printed on the receipt I got for buying stamps at the Post Office (I still use them.) Most unexpected to find this bit of encouragement in that location.

I have another such object in my office: a wrapper from a Delta Airlines snack. It says in large cobalt blue type: "enjoy!" I keep it tucked into my box of manuscripts to read for clients.

Both items are now part of my rotating collection of found wisdom. For me, running across one of these little reminders can produce a small burst of energy, approximately equivalent to the impact of an M&M. And that's significant.


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Conquering Financial Fears

Artists tend to think a lot about money. Like round the world backpackers--when they cross paths, they don't talk about the culture or the historic sights. They talk about cheap places to stay that have hot water 24 hours a day.

A lot of us get very nervous about the subject of money, insist we're no good at it, etc.

A story on Beliefnet today sets out ten tips for beating the fear of money. It's aimed at the spiritually-minded, but some of the ideas could be useful for anyone. Like "Make Peace With Your Financial Past." That one is very valuable to me: I still beat up on myself for years of undercharging, for various financial errors I've made.

This piece by Susan Corso offers some strategies for replacing the guilt and anxiety, thus making better financial decisions.


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Graceful Self-Promotion

This advice is from, of all places, a year-old Cosmogirl magazine. It's aimed at teenagers: "Here's the trick to talking yourself up without sounding conceited." (I don't think I've heard the word "conceited" since high school.)

But anyone with work to sell needs to know how to self-promote gracefully. Here's one very good tip from the article: "Get psyched." We're advised to think of our most spontaneous friend talking with excitement about what she/he has been up to. "You don't feel like she's bragging because you're having so much fun listening to her, right?"

Basically let your passion for doing the work show, and it doesn't sound like petty personal bragging. Instead, what we're doing is getting other people excited too.


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Marital Argument

Last night, an argument on the home front.... I started it by mentioning something that was going to fester to the point of eruption if I didn't.

Wasn't pleasant, as I expected. But I did it, and am pleased that I did.

We didn't resolve it. We've only resolved one difference in 24 years of marriage and I've forgotten which one that was. Neither one of us is famous for changing our own minds. But each having said our piece, we move on...better for having spoken than not.

I'm fairly new to "mentioning" things immediately. And it's embarrassing that that's true at the age of 59. But better late than never, of course.

So I'm congratulating myself for getting on with it instead of waiting. It would have been a lot easier short-term to hope that the issue went away.

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Putting Your Message Where It Can Be Seen

Greenpeace pulled a pretty splashy trick this week to get a message across.

They projected--as you would with a movie projector--an environmental warning up onto the Washington Monument. You have to see this.

One night after Bush's state of the Union address and one day before a major climate meeting, these activists used projectors of monster-rock-concert magnitude, and shone up onto the white obelisk the words: "U.S. Global Warming Plan: Hell and High Water" with an image of water climbing high up the monument.

The whole picture and warning stayed up there, outrageously large against the night sky, for ten minutes before security people closed it down.

That ten minutes is the kind of triumphant moment that makes a good movie ending. I'm impressed they pulled it off. Makes me want to cheer.




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A Model of Creativity

A famous British advertising genius died this month: John Webster. In addition to his very imaginative work, he presented a model of a "creative type" who didn't conform to the stereotypes. From Blogger Jia:

"John was the antithesis of the caricature advertising man. Though supremely confident of his own talent, he was never arrogant, did not push himself forward, dressed unexceptionally, threw no tantrums and accepted good ideas from others gracefully, including ideas from clients, something few advertising creative people will countenance."

I don't think I want to dress unexceptionally. But other than that, I think he set an admirable example.

It can take some gumption to be oneself, rather than what is expected of an artist. Which he was.


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A Quick Pick-me-up

If you need a bit of uplifting, go to this site:
http://www.greatquotesmovie.com. It's wisdom put to music.

Thanks to Renee Warren for letting me know about this.


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Talk Nice to Yourself

Being yelled at can hurt your creativity.

University of Florida researchers did some workplace observation and concluded that bosses who are verbally abusive are doing harm rather than good. Both problem-solving skills and imagination take a hit when voices are raised.

The underlying principle appears to be: when you're the target of a harangue, that's all you're thinking about. And that's true even when the rudeness is fairly mild.

This would seem a no-brainer, but a lot of yelling and threatening does occur. And it's generally because somebody wants something done or done better. I think most of us could say that it doesn't work. I have an idea that it's also meant to be punitive; but whatever satisfaction might be gained by the name-caller/accuser is surely no compensation for what's lost in productivity.

I think this may also be true when we're verbally abusing ourselves. So cut out the self-berating and free your imagination.

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Creative Courage and Car Repairs

My 17 year-old car--which you've seen on this blog before because I stencilled morning glories on it--is in the shop today for $700 worth of replacement of small wornout parts that were causing it to rumble and shimmy and throb and would soon make it stop altogether.

So I've been working at a grocery store cafe (Weaver Street Market)and a library computer (Carrboro Cybrary) all day while waiting for this to be fixed. Pleasant places to work, but the whole idea of sitting outside of the car ICU (Autologic) does not make me feel bold.

So I tell myself: it's not my body or one of my loved ones that's in the ICU, and I'm fortunate to have such a glorious and faithful car that is now getting a whole new lease on life, and it's not $2,000, and I haven't wasted the day.

But the fact is: I feel as if I somehow didn't play my cards right or I wouldn't have to buy $700 worth of car maintenance today.

This is irrational. We all have to get our cars and our teeth worked on. And nobody can slay dragons every day.

So, I've decided that for me today's dragon-in-need-of-being-slain (since I need one)is the idea that needing a car repair and wincing at the cost are not an indication of bad life decisions.

Devoting as much of my time and money as possible to art is not an indication of immaturity or failure.

On days like today, I do need to remind myself of that.



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A Theme for Your Year?

A suggestion offered at my Mystic Pizza gathering this week: instead of a goal or a resolution for a year, try a theme. (Mystic Pizza is a monthly lunch of friends who are interested in mystical experience and related topics.) I think the idea of choosing a theme came from leadership/diversity consultant and writer Thomas Griggs.

Kelley Harrell of Soul Intent Arts said her theme this year is "allowing," not standing in the way of the good stuff that's happening for her. She likes this approach better than having goals, which feels too coercive and burdensome.

I like the idea too. My daily to-do list is something I rarely finish; it just gives me an idea, a set of priorities for my day.

I can see having a theme of being more fit, or improving my writing, or getting more work published, as a guiding factor in making a lot of daily decisions.

My resolution for this year is follow the will of God, which really falls more into the theme category. Because how do you know when you've accomplished it?

We did decide that a decision to follow the will of God is a lot easier than the resolve to lose five pounds, which is far too troublingly measurable.

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Heath Ledger

A sympathetic note struck by director-editor-screenwriter Richard Brody on NewYorker.com blog on the death of actor Heath Ledger:

"As we remember Ledger, it’s worth recalling the agonies that actors, from amateurs to stars, have to pull from their guts."

Any day we feel like beating up on ourselves for lack of creative courage, it could be good to remember Brody's kind and soothing thought.

Ledger, who played one of the two cowboys in love in Brokeback Mountain, was one actor with a lot of courage. I'm one of the very many sorry to see him go.


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Inspiring New Links?

Yesterday I discovered that two of my favorite bloggers didn't know of each other's marvelous sites, and both of them are on the subject of writing.

So--I'd like to ask you a question. What are some of your other favorite blogs? Or websites. On any subject. Please don't keep these resources a secret.


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