Bold Living by Default

A friend with a martial arts testing this weekend is dealing with a stiff back. It would be possible for him to get the test put off.

Here's what he says about that possibility: "My default setting is to 'go for it.' The back would have to be really bad for me to ask for a postponement."

I love that attitude. And I wonder what my own "default settings" are. This is probably what is meant by the hidden assumptions that I'm told we build our lives on. I'd like to be able to go into my "control panel" and see exactly what mine are. Some of them are likely of the earth-is-flat variety, an idea that shouldn't be running my life.

I asked my brother Franc once about how he came to his characteristic upbeatness. I was wanting instructions. He thought for a long moment and said, "It's an unconscious decision."

We usually only see the evidence of our unconscious decisions. Takes some work in the dark to find out what they are.

I do know that one of mine that has been hard to change is: "I am not allowed to screw up." That idea still has weird power, in spite of my various screwups over sixty years.

I'd like to figure out how to attach that mysterious power to the belief of my choice. I want one of my default positions to be: No second-guessing of myself, no pointless rehashing. There'd be nothing else to do then but "go for it."

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Obama on Bold Living

"We must insist that the future does not belong to fear."

---President Barack Obama,
speaking to the U.N.

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Boldly Napping

Recently I spent a day working on my sofa--and napping on my sofa--from roughly 9:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m.

Not my usual workday but I got a fair amount done. And caught up on my sleep. (I think.) And I didn't let my laptop crash to the floor and die.

Variations like that in my self-imposed schedule make me a little nervous. As if I'm daringly playing hooky.

Isn't that ridiculous? Or are you familiar with this sensation?

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Fumbling Confidence

Just noted a new "follower" of this blog named FumblingConfidence. The name grabbed me. Anybody who admits to fumbling with confidence has a fair amount, as well as courage.

And then I went to her blog, and discovered that, yes, her views are clear and bold. It takes some spunkiness to admit to less than total confidence, which is what most of us have, at least some of the time.

On a related subject: I only in recent days posted the "following" list so that it's visible on my blog. One, I hadn't figured out how. Two, the number looked so embarrassingly low, and not a fair representation of the actual amount of activity.

Well, I got pushed into the pool by a blog-helper who in the process of solving another problem for me, posted the group. And since then, the number has almost doubled. Still not exactly a crowd, but persuasive evidence of the power of going public.

If you'd like to get your own picture here, scroll down a bit and look to the left where you will see a link that says Follow and click on it. I'd be delighted to see you here.

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Part of Self-Actualizing is Tossing Extraneous Stuff

Sitting in my husband's office, I'm keeping him company while he embarks on a massive and daunting cleanup.

His style is to have books and papers and interesting objets strewn everywhere. And that has its charm, but lately the expression of this style has gotten a tad out of hand. There's a finite amount of floor space, after all. It's an office for psychotherapy, not an Office Max.

I'm impressed that he's plunging in. Especially on a Sunday afternoon. It takes a surprising amount of spunkiness to pick a part of a mess and start organizing. Very easy to instead sink into reading some stray item, or do some other pressing errand "first."

Just told him I was blogging on this subject. He was so deep into the sorting that his upcoming fame wasn't of great interest, though he absent-mindedly assured me he didn't mind. A good sign. Makes me want to clean something up too.

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Bold Living: A Lesson from the Recession

A curious little discovery. Being a writer and so far not a bestselling one, I usually earn less than friends who are not in the arts. My car rolled off the line in '92, etc. I never thought that embarrassed me at all. It's merely a cost of my calling in life, and most of the time worth the trade.

But during this past year of recession with almost everyone economizing, I've discovered that other people's scrimping feels very companionable to me. For one thing, I notice that I now compare notes with friends on the subject more than I used to.

So maybe the social aspect of my miserliness did bother me, changing my behavior in ways I wasn't aware of. It's interesting to find I was unsettled by something without knowing it -- and unconsciously restricting myself. Now I'm wondering what else might be working on me that way, without my knowing it.

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Bold Living: "Nice 67 Y.O. male has brush with mortality."

You must go to Salon.com and read Garrison Keillor's story about having a stroke.

It is GK at his best, which is very very good.

And he makes this brush with death charming and funny, as well as, with a deft hand, profound and an argument for political action.

Tough to do under any circumstances. But even faced with bouquets of carnations and admitted uneasiness, he followed his calling in life and did what GK does.

A splendid example of courage and fear. Funny as hell too.

Glad you're OK, GK. And I'm glad you're not retiring.

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Fear and Courage in the Stars

My astrologically-minded friends tell me that we are in the period of "Mercury in retrograde," one of the times of year that is famous for weird glitches in the operations of gadgets and schedules and systems.

I'm open to the general concept of astrology. If the moon can create tides, surely the heavenly bodies can influence me. But I'm largely unconvinced on the details; my horoscope has too often predicted for me fabulous successes that haven't quite lived up to their descriptions.

However, the tide of cyberglitches I've encountered with my email lately has brought the concept to mind. So I did a little research and found what I wanted: a positive spunky approach to mechanical-glitch Mercury in retrograde season, should that season in fact exist. I always want to wring some value out of obstructions.

In short, this time (through Sept. 29) is a period of course corrections and rethinkings that will go into action at the beginning of October. And that's a mere two weeks away. A tolerable notion. So I'm looking forward to emerging from retrograde and seeing all my rethought messages soaring to their best destinations.

And if you didn't get a reply to your email, please send again...by Pony Express.

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The Pleasant Oddness of a Geographical Passion

One of my office partners has gone to South Africa for three weeks. She's teaching, studying, and helping to organize an event. She has long wanted to go there and has been working on arranging it for years. I'm not sure why that was the spot in all the world.

Why are some Americans Anglophiles and some Francophiles? Why did I become obsessed with India? These are not purely rhetorical questions. I do wonder what in my personality or background or DNA pointed me to South Asia, produced in me an Indomania. But much more important than ever figuring out why is following bliss in whatever directions it points, in figuring out how to get there and what needs to be made of the experience.


South Africa - Music Legends - Ladysmith Black Mambazo

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Chronic Bold Living

Email trouble is like running into a large spider web in the dark. Can't quite see what has hold of me.

And it still has hold of me. I hope to have my new address sent out to my whole list soon. But if you were expecting to hear from me and didn't. Please send again.

Dealing with mysterious computer problems gives me a lot of respect for people dealing with mysterious illnesses. It has to take a lot of courage: long-term boldness, which doesn't get all the credit it deserves.

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Portents, Omens, and Signs

After my ten minute meditation break this afternoon, I opened my eyes and saw a tiny rainbow over the doorjamb. A little comet. Or an idea arriving. We get to interpret signs and symbols as we wish.

Basic principle of interpretation of all things: choose the option that's the most helpful, the one that would do the most to encourage creativity, spur decisive action, lead to good things.

A rainbow comet on a gold wall heading straight for my desk is the very embodiment of optimism. It is A Good Sign.

Note from Rainbow Links: "The rainbow is a symbol of hope, security, and dreams for future teaching and healing. The rainbow has ancient meanings. The seven colors symbolize not only the rainbow in the sky, but also the spiritual chakras for human and world healing. The circular mandala symbolizes the endless flow of the colorful life force."

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Don't Give Up!

A heartening tale: a friend whose agent has been circulating her first novel to editors for three years and three months just got a two-book deal.

Here's to discovering one's calling in life and keeping on! I find that such occurrences encourage me, not just at work but in every part of the day.

Here's to that loyal agent as well.

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Spunkiness in the Book Business

It takes some bold individuals to start an independent bookstore of any sort at this time in history. All Booked Up not only opened this past May, but after only four months in business, they moved down the street to a larger location. The place sells gently used and antiquarian books and collectibles. It has the feel of a Victorian house and is located in the turn-of-the-previous-century historic district of the little downtown.

Congratulations to booksellers Janice Monaco & Shiloh Burnam, and thanks for creating this delightful spot.

BTW, I'll be giving a wee talk there this coming Monday night at 7:30, focusing on my novel Sister India. Fly in if you can.

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Another Self-Actualizing, Pump-Up Technique

A variation on yesterday's idea: for moments when you need encouragement, keep a file in your desk drawer of nice notes or reviews or even a letter from your mother that reminds you that you're dazzling and your work is important and worthwhile.

--This idea came from psychologist husband Bob.

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A Self-Actualizing, Pump-Up Technique

What I've discovered from writing the fellowship application I was blogging about yesterday:

Affirmations work. Or they can at least stoke the passions and build confidence.

You know what I mean by affirmations, yes? The empowering sayings we're encouraged to repeat to ourselves, such as: I am a calm and capable person. I am a person who doesn't even like sugar and caffeine.

I've never much been into repeating those items. I meditate and I blog and I exercise and do my work and that's all the discipline and structure I can stand.

Plus a screenwriter pal of mine once had an affirmations false alarm. She told me that repeating her declarations were giving her an amazing feeling of peace. But then the screenwriters' strike ended and she discovered that the peace was coming not from affirmations but instead from not listening for the phone. She quickly returned to amazing frazzlement.

However, I've spent the afternoon carefully wording my Career Narrative, which is every good thing I've done professionally in my life, and that amounts to a two-page affirmation. I have succeeded in dazzling myself. I am now so full of beans that it's just a shame it's the end of the day and time to quit and go home. (When I woke this morning, I was distinctly not-so-dazzled by me.

But now I know how a quick pump-up is done. Seriously. If I want to take charge, beat procrastination, make a step toward bold living, I could write down some good things I've actually done. These, I'm happy to say, do not include steering clear of sugar and caffeine.

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Following Bliss Upstream

Two recent bits of bold living that I'm proud to claim:

1. Took the whole Labor Day weekend off and caught up on reading and sleep (in order of importance.)

2. Am now at work on my application for a Guggenheim fellowship, which is a very prestigious and sought-after plum. I just ran across a not-so-encouraging item saying that as of 2006 only two people in the history of NC State University have received one of these. Oh, dear.

I didn't need to know this figure; I was already going to produce the best application I could. So I am now putting that potentially daunting info aside. I'm watching that miserable factoid slide out of sight.

Now back to boldly writing my Career Narrative.

Consistently keeping on is a crucial component in following any calling in life. It's more difficult, I think, than daring.

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Decisive Action--With an Attitude

It appears that some alien has messed with my email addresses...causing a variety of confusions and miscommunications.

Decisive action was called for: new email address.

I spent the day semi-successfully working at viewing the complications as a "challenge" and an "opportunity." Mentally tiring. But do-able, both the fix and the positive mindset.

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September Energy and Fresh Resolve

All grownups need the fresh start of the first day of the school year. Kids have this, of course. And my academic pals do, too.

For me, time seems weirdly seamless. Gardening season eases into kayak season which cools back into gardening. And work is the same year-round: except that in August a lot of people are hard to get hold of.

New Beginning

Now August is over, and yesterday and today here are suddenly crisply September-the-way-it's-supposed-to-be. Makes me want to start fresh, buy a ring binder and a Sheaffer cartridge pen and some Blue Horse notebook paper (the basics of my long-ago school days.)

I did clean out some files yesterday (only because my computer was "in the shop") and it was almost as good as new school supplies.

Because of the change in weather, September--not January--feels the proper time for new resolve. Got any new goals or resolutions for this semester? I plan to have my nailed down by Labor Day.

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Making Changes and Experimenting

This blog is spiffing up a bit. As with human make-overs, the change is not happening in an instant. Instead, with much help, I'm sorta playing with it. Trying this and that, learning a tiny bit about the inner workings. I never thought I'd be interested in such a thing, but it keeps calling me back.

So, expect a few days of shifting elements and pictures and such. And count on the same jolly philosophy of creative freedom and daily courage.

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Making Changes and Experimenting

This blog is spiffing up a bit. As with human make-overs, the change is not happening in an instant. Instead, with much help, I'm sorta playing with it. Trying this and that, learning a tiny bit about the inner workings. I never thought I'd be interested in such a thing, but it keeps calling me back.

So, expect a few days of shifting elements and pictures and such. And count on the same jolly philosophy of creative freedom and daily courage.

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