Why All Comparisons Are Odious

The business about comparing people being bad is a cliche.

Ever wonder why?

It's because it's always apples and oranges. There are no equivalent situations. Even identical twins growing up in the same house have different aims and different sets of problems to solve.

I think we all know that at a gut level. But it's easy to forget, especially in the case of self-judgments.

The practice of measuring is "odious" because it's always inaccurate. When I do it, it simply distracts me from doing the things I need to do while here on Earth.

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Big Courage and Little Courage

My friend with an ovarian tumor had surgery yesterday, and the news was: BENIGN.

What a huge relief, and wash of gratitude.

It occurred to me that in the challenges in life that require the most courage, we have no choice but to proceed.

It's with the easier stuff--hang-gliding, public speaking, returning tricky phone calls--that we have a choice and can get wobbly. Maybe we should remember that when it comes to courage: we're all marathoners. That very recognition could make the easier stuff easier.

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Boldly Unwinding

Seems that letting go of the usual self-imposed structure leads to some serious sleeping. Not what I expected, but entirely predictable.

I've always found that as long as I work intensely, I don't get sick. Colds, etc., happen after deadlines. And that can make a person delay in letting up.

But pressing on and on is ultimately counterproductive, personally and professionally. Right now I'm finding this going-slack business really nice.

Religion and politics blogger Doug Muder has a wonderful post on this subject called The Stages of Rest.

Note: when I glanced back at the title of this post just now, I read it as Bodily Unwinding. Of course, it's more than that.

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Boldly Taking a Day Off

Been overworking for about a year. This morning I woke up, knew I didn't have a deadline or an appointment today, and decided against doing anything terribly productive until Monday. (Email and blogging don't count)

So I'm having Ferris Bueller's day off. Husband Bob has been rambling about with me; he's half-retired and already had the day off. We've poked around in Carrboro, the Paris of the South: thrift shops, used books, a camera store, a bead store (he was patient), a run through McDonald's for sweet tea, now the Chapel Hill Library. Soon a Mexican hole-in-the-wall restaurant (the Fiesta Grill, which seats 13) that's supposed to be amazingly good. (There's nothing like warm gooey cheese in my estimation.)

Probably Bernanke will announce early next week that my taking a day off is yet another sign of the receding recession.

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Bold Color

What is it about orange that makes it a "bolder" color than the others? Bolder even than red. A field of pumpkins for example, is much more vibrant than a great pile of cucumbers or eggplant.

There's probably some optical reason.

In the absence of knowing what that might be, I dare to guess: orange arrives at the eye sooner than indigo? there's less orange in the typical background? it has some innate charisma?

My hope is that when I figure it out, I'll know something about forthrightness that I didn't know before.

My research turns up the following:
About.com says the color is mentally stimulating, less aggressive than red, sociable, and associated with change.

Color expert Kate Smith says orange is more controversial than any other color; people have strong feelings about it one way or another. Also, it's fun and flamboyant. (I think we know what side she's on.)

Orange is the color linked with the second chakra, which is in turn associated with creativity and sex, happiness and courage.

Got anything orange in your closet?

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This Has Nothing To Do With Boldness

This is an example of why we sometimes grind our teeth and then rush to watch Jon Stewart. This is a reminder (as if it were needed) that sometimes we are beyond the reach of caricature and satire. Here is an actual quote from an online help desk individual who couldn't answer my question.

"...Your concern will need to be taken care by the Concerned department."

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The Ultimate Adventure

My writing group is showing its age, as one of our number pointed out last week. The group has been meeting on Thursday afternoons for 26 years and we weren't kids when we started.

Recently one of the gang said she would in the future be coming only very occasionally. She has a serious chronic ailment that limits her mobility. Another has a pacemaker and continuing heart trouble. One wears hearing aids. Yet another has some surgery scheduled for Monday and I had a round of that myself a few years ago.

We range in age now from 51 to 71, and have been lucky so far. No deaths. No malignancies unless you count a wee skin cancer, which I don't (and it was mine, so I get to decide.) I'm 60 and have dodged all large bullets so far.

It's a truism that "old age is not for sissies." No kidding. Getting old is an adventure of the tallest sort. Much more dangerous than rock-climbing, for example. Harder to beat than any casino.

I don't want to rush it, of course. I do have a sense of calling here on Earth, to tell particular stories. I know that's grandiose, but it helps me plan my time. I'd like to get further along with my assignment before having to quit. I'd also like a bestseller or two, but that's a different adventure.

The important thing about the aging adventure so far is that it's a team sport, much better done with friends. My writing group, which BTW has produced quite a good pile of good books with more to come, is "in it for the long haul," including any who have to come only occasionally. I'm proud of this bold set of pals.

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A Procedural Question

I've had report that it has recently been hard/confusing/impossible to leave a comment here.

If you've had such difficulty, would you email me and let me know? ppayne51@cs.com.

Thanks.

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The Courage to Make a Controversial Stand

A new hero of mine: Olympia Snowe, Republican senator from Maine.

She's the only senator of her party to vote for the Obama-backed healthcare reform bill this week. And she has ignored right-wing doctrine before: voting against a bill to ban gay marriage.

Hail, Ms. Snowe.

I hope her courage and her thinking set a good example for others on votes to come. I'd never heard of her before this week, but I won't forget her now.

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Step Outside the Walls

Brisk weather is, for me, enlivening. It's the season of new resolves, freshly sharpened pencils, and perkier energy. Perhaps that's just in North Carolina, where the mugginess tends to lift by mid-October.

In Chapel Hill, the temp just now is 56. The wind is north at 5 mph, and the humidity is 56%. We should arrive at 59 before the day is out--not exactly sweaty.

To take advantage of any perkifying effects, however,it's important to actually step outside one's door.

A sobering detail from Science Daily:

"...People in industrialized countries, on average, spend 93 percent of their time indoors, making them largely disconnected from the impact of changing weather outside."

The Science Daily article seems to favor warm weather, BTW. Perhaps the researchers are based in Lake Wobegon. I for one am emboldened by crispy air.

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Dare to Stand Out

University professor meets with student to go over his work. (on Halloween) See previous post: Feeling Like the Only One? Got your Halloween costume yet?

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The Daring and Beauty of "Dear & Yonder"

Surfer women are the subject and the stars of a charming and inspiring new movie I went to see last night. "Dear & Yonder: Daring Stories of Ladies United by the Sea" had its Pittsboro, North Carolina premiere at Pittsboro General Store Cafe.

This inland village(pop.2525), 20 minutes from my house, is where one of the auteurs grew up. Andria Lessler came back to town with her movie (three years in the works) and it played to a crowded and delighted house.

It's rare that a piece of art feels all at once sunny and delightful and seriously inspiring, without being sentimental. Dear & Yonder, the story of women in surfing all over the world, manages this feat.

If you want a glimpse at some role models for daring, athletic skill, careful artistry in any field, or the creation of a new category/identity, watch the trailer here or go to the Dear & Yonder website. (DVDs will be available in early December.)

This film is also a tribute to the gorgeousness of people, the ocean, and the planet. Next showing is in Portland, Oregon.

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Why We Should Celebrate Failures

From Success Magazine this month:

"When is the last time you rewarded yourself for failing? Probably never. Instead of mentally punishing yourself for not succeeding, buy yourself an ice cream cone and say, 'Great job! I'm one step closer to success!" On the surface this sounds silly, but celebrating failure is one of the best ways to stop letting no have a negative hold on your thoughts and emotions."

--from "YES Is The Destination; NO Is How You Get There" by Richard Fenton and Andrea Waltz

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Baby Blue Courage

A young couple who live down the other fork of my dirt road had a baby a few weeks ago. Their first one died in infancy a couple of years ago and it was very, very hard. I'm so proud of them and their courage for starting again.

They have one huge celebratory blue bow on their mailbox in the otherwise nondescript row of boxes out by the main road. Possibly the biggest and perkiest looking baby bow I've ever seen.

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Boldness in Crisis

I'm watching a friend go through a crisis and handle it in a manner that is thoughtful and purposeful and yet emotionally in touch.

This same friend gets into a fury if she misplaces her sunglasses.

I'm impressed. And I'm also encouraged by the thought that real trouble may call up resources we didn't know we had. I happen to get unhinged if my email doesn't do right. And I hate to think about a proportionate response to a crisis that's many times larger.

Maybe we expend our furies safely on the little stuff and haul out our best in the face of the most daunting.

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Several Reasons to Seize the Day

Hyper-alive today. Partly the blue sky and October air. Mainly it's being reminded by the waiting-for-news friend I posted about yesterday and then seeing last night another pal who is increasingly disabled. I'm worried for both of them and yet overwhelmingly glad we're all three alive.

And one more thing, I just left the reunion of participants in a June writing workshop at Meredith University. (I led the fiction-writing group that week.) Today people read from what they're working on--and reported an impressive number of stories and poems accepted for publication. Hearing all that also felt enlivening to me: plus, of course, there was the fruit/cheesecake tart and the cookies, the gustatory equivalent of blue skies and fall air.

So to recap, reasons for seizing the day:
*weather
*good buddies
*cookies and other pastries
*art
*progress
*time is short.

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Looking for Meaning

A buddy got some worrisome news. And now has the anxiety of waiting for more info.

Maybe the worrisome-news category of events exists to put things like email problems into perspective, for all concerned.

However, I can easily conceive of a universe in which there's never a bad biopsy and no vexing computer problems either. That would do a lot for my perspective.

I guess the bold thing, though, is to "get" in a gut way the fact that that universe isn't the one we currently have. And then figure out how to manage, moment by moment, as gracefully as possible in the one we do have.

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Feeling Like the Only One?

An English professor of my acquaintance was teaching a freshmen class on a day that fell on Halloween. She assumed that surely the students would dress for the occasion. And so she rigged out in witch regalia, including silver mask and tall blue diaphanous cone hat.

None of the students dressed up. She swears that she didn't flinch, just proceeded comfortably teaching the class as a witch.

Obviously she has magical powers.

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Feeling Timid?

Standing in line at lunch today at one of the hip green lite fast-food places called Evo's, waiting for my low-fat chocolate shake, I picked up one of their hip magazines, Paste, which carries the slogan: "Signs of Life in Music, Film, and Culture."


"African Queen" was the story I started browsing, and then seriously reading. This article about Malian singer and businesswoman Oumou Sangare had not a trace of jaded attitude to it. It was old-fashioned dazzlingly inspiring (well-written to boot.)

This woman sings in the language Bambara about justice and reform. Doesn't sound like a money-maker to me, but she has become an international music sensation (though without my having heard of her before.) And she truly "speaks truth to power."

Here's an example of her courage:

"She once sang an anti-polygamy song to the King of Swaziland—'he had three wives on one side and four wives on the other!' Sangare laughs before getting serious. 'Polygamy is the worst thing that anyone can possibly do to a woman. I respect the choice of women who say they know what they’re doing and want to jump into the fire, but often they don’t have a voice. Their opinion isn’t asked for. For 20 years, I’ve been singing directly to women in Mali and Africa, telling them what’s really important is to have self-confidence. They can become autonomous and independent.'"

Feeling inspired by her example? I am. Paste is right: she's definitely a sign of life.

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Halloween Is a Holiday to Lift the Spirits

Do you have your Halloween costume yet?

I found mine by happy accident a couple weeks ago at a local Goodwill. I'd already been invited to a party. And then a few days later what do I see on one of the acres of racks but a sparkling floor-length red number, tagged Sultry Devil. It was $6 and amazing: a strapless sheath shining from top to bottom with see-through red bat sleeves and a small hooded cape as a wrap.

I've been so excited about this that I have the feeling I've posted about it already, though I don't find it on my blog.

If you want to add an enlivening tidbit to your schedule this month make a fun little to-do this year about this paradoxically playful celebration.

(My husband Bob has a pair of glittering red devil horns he always wears on Halloween in his office all day while seeing patients.)

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Self-Actualizing Bouquets

Flower arranging once seemed to me an impossible art. That was back when I tried to make the posies fall into the places I had in mind.

I gave that up.

Now I let the stems pretty much have their way. And I put in some of most everything that's blooming. This approach produces a sort of oddness, and doesn't reach levels of doing weddings or of ikebana, but it's a great pleasure to me and keeps a little something live on the table.

That big round thing on the right is a mock orange, BTW, a wonderfully eccentric plant. The fruit has the fuzz of a peach and the size of a plum, smells like an orange, and maybe I'll get emboldened and taste one.

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Creative Doodling: Three-Dimensional

A piece of anonymous folk art was standing in front of my drugstore Saturday when I pulled into the parking lot.

There on the grass was an edifice built of plastic knives. I think the elements might have already have pushed it a little out of shape. Nonetheless, it remained luminous, a nice little discovery to happen upon.

I like the idea of turning disposable knives into a bit of art. In general, I like evidence of people looking at things in more than one way.

And after all, I live in the area that recently became famous for the Barrel Monster, the late night creation of another imaginative person who created a national sensation out of some traffic markers.

Once one person opens the door, all kinds of stuff starts happening.

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Enraged and Obsessed

With the email horrors that I've been having increasingly for months now, TRULY BOLD would be thinking about anything else.

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A Bold Man

Today is the birthday of Gandhi, a man who faced unending heartbreaking frustrations and yet changed the world radically and for the better. He was also notably nice to people, including his jailers, most of the way. A sterling example of bold living. This sculpture of him sits three blocks from my office.

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A Recommendation for Writers

You know that website called Publishers Marketplace? You can get a lot of info at no charge there, including a free newsletter about the publishing industry, what book just sold by what agent to what editor for what price level.

I've generally ignored the $20 a month membership option for additional info there, thinking that one way or another I could find what I want for free. That may be true, but it takes a long time.

I just ponied up the $20 for a month and, goodness gracious, it was worth it. Want to know who's representing who and what the email is? I don't know of a faster way to get it. I was amazed. And membership is month by month, so you don't have to keep paying once your need is past.

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Who's Bold Now?

At moments before two o'clock this afternoon, I decided to close my eyes for a moment on the little fainting couch in my office. I woke up shortly after six pm when my husband called.

In the meantime, my office partner Carrie was working busily in the next room, as she had been since early morning. Here's the clincher, she'd traveled 40 hours to get back from South Africa yesterday, arriving less than two hours before doing an evening reading at a bookstore. Well, one hopes she'll crash tonight.

Maybe I was doing compensatory sleeping on her behalf. Generous of me.
I tell myself as others also tell me: must have needed my sleep.

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Bold Living: the Aftermath

Sometimes the tricky part of a bold move is what comes next.

A very minor example. I wrote an extremely odd short short, a bit of what is often referred to as "flash fiction", which is to say, a story that's very short.

I wrote it in the form of a style sheet, the list of definitions of an editor's markings on a manuscript. As in, stet means "keep as is." The action unfolds in this list of editorial symbols, which grow increasingly fanciful.

I already admitted it was odd.

The story, "Writers' Handbook of Editorial and Proofreading Marks (WHEPM, 17th Edition)", included in an anthology out this month: Long Story Short, edited by Marianne Gingher, published by UNC Press.

So tonight I'm to join Gingher and two other writers published in the collection (Carrie Knowles and Angela Davis-Gardner) at Raleigh's famous Quail Ridge Books & Music to read our stories and talk about them.

My story cannot be read aloud. It's more like a cartoon, not so entertaining when you try to explain it. Carrie's story is 96 words long, including the title, and she's flying in from South Africa today, will no doubt be in flight-dazed condition after 15+ hours in the air. This should be an entertaining evening.

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Back to Maslow, Self-Actualizing

Two courage quotes from Abraham Maslow on the power of confidence:

"The history of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short."

"We fear to know the fearsome and the unsavory aspects of ourselves but we fear ever more to know the godlike in ourselves."

Advice for the day: Don't Punt. Take a Look at the Godlike in Yourself.

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Gardening Guilt

After a summer of neglect, my flower garden was full of reproach when I started a bit of weeding this afternoon. It's just too hot here to enjoy such activities in summer, plus I'd rather be on the water then. (Or lounging in the AC reading a novel.)

So I expect a garden to look after itself during the hot months. And what I encountered this afternoon was: bugs and blight and drought-damaged plants and the creeping trails made by moles and voles. Plus, some flowers. I would like to be able to focus on those flowers--and the oranges on the mock-orange. But it's hard not to berate oneself while standing knee-deep in weeds, dead stalks, and the accusing survivors.

It's a hobby, I tell myself, not a moral obligation.

Also, I'm convinced that the only true waste of time is berating one's self--or others, for that matter. But it's very hard to stop.

So I kept weeding and pruning. Didn't yield to the impulse to simply toss the clippers and give it up. I give myself credit for that.

This is one more example of a garden as teacher and provocateur. I've always liked the saying: if someone wants to rule the world, let them first cultivate a little plot of land. It's humbling.

My bold goal becomes simply to keep going, to fix what I can.

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Bold Living: at Parties

At a party last night, I had a talk with the hostess, a woman in her seventies whom I'd never met before, and was impressed by the fact that she seemed entirely "for real" through the whole conversation. I asked myself what gave me that feeling. She seemed:

* relaxed, but not ostentatiously so
* forthcoming yet not eager to entertain or impress
* free of any sign of anxiety
* mildly flirtatious with the men who happened by
* in the moment, rather than orchestrating the coming moment
* and interested in the conversation

She, like almost every one else at the party, was a group psychotherapist, and perhaps in her case that played a part. But I also know that there are plenty of therapists who are shy as rabbits.

I mentioned to my husband my view of this woman. He agreed and said: Isn't she gracious? and she doesn't just blurt out whatever comes to mind.

My own party style has evolved: I used to talk until I was giddy and had a fine time. Over time, without meaning to, I've slowed it down quite a bit; regrettably though, I haven't liked parties as much since, which is sad.

I think last night's hostess has somehow found what the Buddhists call "The Middle Way." Best of all, it seemed to come naturally. I think it can come naturally for anyone. But a lot of us need help getting the conversation started: a search turned up hundreds of thousands of websites on how to start a conversation.

My mother, a pure example of extroverted, calls the process "finding their topic."

On the other hand, I get tired of my topics. I like it when someone steers me into an interest I didn't know I had.

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Following Bliss--Down the Highway

Driving to work one day this week, I found myself following the most delightful "trailer" I ever saw.

My cellphone photography while driving on Interstate doesn't do it justice, but maybe you get the idea. It's about the size of a large pup tent, has potted plants on either side of the door and a lace curtain at the window. Likely inside there's a nice little library, a couple of reading chairs that convert to a bed, chocolate, and hot water for tea.

It's not every day you see an Alice-in-Wonderland cottage rolling down the road. Just think of all the interesting things we could see rolling down the road if we got a bit outside the norms.

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Bold Living by Default

A friend with a martial arts testing this weekend is dealing with a stiff back. It would be possible for him to get the test put off.

Here's what he says about that possibility: "My default setting is to 'go for it.' The back would have to be really bad for me to ask for a postponement."

I love that attitude. And I wonder what my own "default settings" are. This is probably what is meant by the hidden assumptions that I'm told we build our lives on. I'd like to be able to go into my "control panel" and see exactly what mine are. Some of them are likely of the earth-is-flat variety, an idea that shouldn't be running my life.

I asked my brother Franc once about how he came to his characteristic upbeatness. I was wanting instructions. He thought for a long moment and said, "It's an unconscious decision."

We usually only see the evidence of our unconscious decisions. Takes some work in the dark to find out what they are.

I do know that one of mine that has been hard to change is: "I am not allowed to screw up." That idea still has weird power, in spite of my various screwups over sixty years.

I'd like to figure out how to attach that mysterious power to the belief of my choice. I want one of my default positions to be: No second-guessing of myself, no pointless rehashing. There'd be nothing else to do then but "go for it."

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Obama on Bold Living

"We must insist that the future does not belong to fear."

---President Barack Obama,
speaking to the U.N.

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Boldly Napping

Recently I spent a day working on my sofa--and napping on my sofa--from roughly 9:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m.

Not my usual workday but I got a fair amount done. And caught up on my sleep. (I think.) And I didn't let my laptop crash to the floor and die.

Variations like that in my self-imposed schedule make me a little nervous. As if I'm daringly playing hooky.

Isn't that ridiculous? Or are you familiar with this sensation?

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Fumbling Confidence

Just noted a new "follower" of this blog named FumblingConfidence. The name grabbed me. Anybody who admits to fumbling with confidence has a fair amount, as well as courage.

And then I went to her blog, and discovered that, yes, her views are clear and bold. It takes some spunkiness to admit to less than total confidence, which is what most of us have, at least some of the time.

On a related subject: I only in recent days posted the "following" list so that it's visible on my blog. One, I hadn't figured out how. Two, the number looked so embarrassingly low, and not a fair representation of the actual amount of activity.

Well, I got pushed into the pool by a blog-helper who in the process of solving another problem for me, posted the group. And since then, the number has almost doubled. Still not exactly a crowd, but persuasive evidence of the power of going public.

If you'd like to get your own picture here, scroll down a bit and look to the left where you will see a link that says Follow and click on it. I'd be delighted to see you here.

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Part of Self-Actualizing is Tossing Extraneous Stuff

Sitting in my husband's office, I'm keeping him company while he embarks on a massive and daunting cleanup.

His style is to have books and papers and interesting objets strewn everywhere. And that has its charm, but lately the expression of this style has gotten a tad out of hand. There's a finite amount of floor space, after all. It's an office for psychotherapy, not an Office Max.

I'm impressed that he's plunging in. Especially on a Sunday afternoon. It takes a surprising amount of spunkiness to pick a part of a mess and start organizing. Very easy to instead sink into reading some stray item, or do some other pressing errand "first."

Just told him I was blogging on this subject. He was so deep into the sorting that his upcoming fame wasn't of great interest, though he absent-mindedly assured me he didn't mind. A good sign. Makes me want to clean something up too.

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Bold Living: A Lesson from the Recession

A curious little discovery. Being a writer and so far not a bestselling one, I usually earn less than friends who are not in the arts. My car rolled off the line in '92, etc. I never thought that embarrassed me at all. It's merely a cost of my calling in life, and most of the time worth the trade.

But during this past year of recession with almost everyone economizing, I've discovered that other people's scrimping feels very companionable to me. For one thing, I notice that I now compare notes with friends on the subject more than I used to.

So maybe the social aspect of my miserliness did bother me, changing my behavior in ways I wasn't aware of. It's interesting to find I was unsettled by something without knowing it -- and unconsciously restricting myself. Now I'm wondering what else might be working on me that way, without my knowing it.

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Bold Living: "Nice 67 Y.O. male has brush with mortality."

You must go to Salon.com and read Garrison Keillor's story about having a stroke.

It is GK at his best, which is very very good.

And he makes this brush with death charming and funny, as well as, with a deft hand, profound and an argument for political action.

Tough to do under any circumstances. But even faced with bouquets of carnations and admitted uneasiness, he followed his calling in life and did what GK does.

A splendid example of courage and fear. Funny as hell too.

Glad you're OK, GK. And I'm glad you're not retiring.

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Fear and Courage in the Stars

My astrologically-minded friends tell me that we are in the period of "Mercury in retrograde," one of the times of year that is famous for weird glitches in the operations of gadgets and schedules and systems.

I'm open to the general concept of astrology. If the moon can create tides, surely the heavenly bodies can influence me. But I'm largely unconvinced on the details; my horoscope has too often predicted for me fabulous successes that haven't quite lived up to their descriptions.

However, the tide of cyberglitches I've encountered with my email lately has brought the concept to mind. So I did a little research and found what I wanted: a positive spunky approach to mechanical-glitch Mercury in retrograde season, should that season in fact exist. I always want to wring some value out of obstructions.

In short, this time (through Sept. 29) is a period of course corrections and rethinkings that will go into action at the beginning of October. And that's a mere two weeks away. A tolerable notion. So I'm looking forward to emerging from retrograde and seeing all my rethought messages soaring to their best destinations.

And if you didn't get a reply to your email, please send again...by Pony Express.

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The Pleasant Oddness of a Geographical Passion

One of my office partners has gone to South Africa for three weeks. She's teaching, studying, and helping to organize an event. She has long wanted to go there and has been working on arranging it for years. I'm not sure why that was the spot in all the world.

Why are some Americans Anglophiles and some Francophiles? Why did I become obsessed with India? These are not purely rhetorical questions. I do wonder what in my personality or background or DNA pointed me to South Asia, produced in me an Indomania. But much more important than ever figuring out why is following bliss in whatever directions it points, in figuring out how to get there and what needs to be made of the experience.


South Africa - Music Legends - Ladysmith Black Mambazo

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Chronic Bold Living

Email trouble is like running into a large spider web in the dark. Can't quite see what has hold of me.

And it still has hold of me. I hope to have my new address sent out to my whole list soon. But if you were expecting to hear from me and didn't. Please send again.

Dealing with mysterious computer problems gives me a lot of respect for people dealing with mysterious illnesses. It has to take a lot of courage: long-term boldness, which doesn't get all the credit it deserves.

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Portents, Omens, and Signs

After my ten minute meditation break this afternoon, I opened my eyes and saw a tiny rainbow over the doorjamb. A little comet. Or an idea arriving. We get to interpret signs and symbols as we wish.

Basic principle of interpretation of all things: choose the option that's the most helpful, the one that would do the most to encourage creativity, spur decisive action, lead to good things.

A rainbow comet on a gold wall heading straight for my desk is the very embodiment of optimism. It is A Good Sign.

Note from Rainbow Links: "The rainbow is a symbol of hope, security, and dreams for future teaching and healing. The rainbow has ancient meanings. The seven colors symbolize not only the rainbow in the sky, but also the spiritual chakras for human and world healing. The circular mandala symbolizes the endless flow of the colorful life force."

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Don't Give Up!

A heartening tale: a friend whose agent has been circulating her first novel to editors for three years and three months just got a two-book deal.

Here's to discovering one's calling in life and keeping on! I find that such occurrences encourage me, not just at work but in every part of the day.

Here's to that loyal agent as well.

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Spunkiness in the Book Business

It takes some bold individuals to start an independent bookstore of any sort at this time in history. All Booked Up not only opened this past May, but after only four months in business, they moved down the street to a larger location. The place sells gently used and antiquarian books and collectibles. It has the feel of a Victorian house and is located in the turn-of-the-previous-century historic district of the little downtown.

Congratulations to booksellers Janice Monaco & Shiloh Burnam, and thanks for creating this delightful spot.

BTW, I'll be giving a wee talk there this coming Monday night at 7:30, focusing on my novel Sister India. Fly in if you can.

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Another Self-Actualizing, Pump-Up Technique

A variation on yesterday's idea: for moments when you need encouragement, keep a file in your desk drawer of nice notes or reviews or even a letter from your mother that reminds you that you're dazzling and your work is important and worthwhile.

--This idea came from psychologist husband Bob.

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A Self-Actualizing, Pump-Up Technique

What I've discovered from writing the fellowship application I was blogging about yesterday:

Affirmations work. Or they can at least stoke the passions and build confidence.

You know what I mean by affirmations, yes? The empowering sayings we're encouraged to repeat to ourselves, such as: I am a calm and capable person. I am a person who doesn't even like sugar and caffeine.

I've never much been into repeating those items. I meditate and I blog and I exercise and do my work and that's all the discipline and structure I can stand.

Plus a screenwriter pal of mine once had an affirmations false alarm. She told me that repeating her declarations were giving her an amazing feeling of peace. But then the screenwriters' strike ended and she discovered that the peace was coming not from affirmations but instead from not listening for the phone. She quickly returned to amazing frazzlement.

However, I've spent the afternoon carefully wording my Career Narrative, which is every good thing I've done professionally in my life, and that amounts to a two-page affirmation. I have succeeded in dazzling myself. I am now so full of beans that it's just a shame it's the end of the day and time to quit and go home. (When I woke this morning, I was distinctly not-so-dazzled by me.

But now I know how a quick pump-up is done. Seriously. If I want to take charge, beat procrastination, make a step toward bold living, I could write down some good things I've actually done. These, I'm happy to say, do not include steering clear of sugar and caffeine.

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Following Bliss Upstream

Two recent bits of bold living that I'm proud to claim:

1. Took the whole Labor Day weekend off and caught up on reading and sleep (in order of importance.)

2. Am now at work on my application for a Guggenheim fellowship, which is a very prestigious and sought-after plum. I just ran across a not-so-encouraging item saying that as of 2006 only two people in the history of NC State University have received one of these. Oh, dear.

I didn't need to know this figure; I was already going to produce the best application I could. So I am now putting that potentially daunting info aside. I'm watching that miserable factoid slide out of sight.

Now back to boldly writing my Career Narrative.

Consistently keeping on is a crucial component in following any calling in life. It's more difficult, I think, than daring.

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Decisive Action--With an Attitude

It appears that some alien has messed with my email addresses...causing a variety of confusions and miscommunications.

Decisive action was called for: new email address.

I spent the day semi-successfully working at viewing the complications as a "challenge" and an "opportunity." Mentally tiring. But do-able, both the fix and the positive mindset.

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September Energy and Fresh Resolve

All grownups need the fresh start of the first day of the school year. Kids have this, of course. And my academic pals do, too.

For me, time seems weirdly seamless. Gardening season eases into kayak season which cools back into gardening. And work is the same year-round: except that in August a lot of people are hard to get hold of.

New Beginning

Now August is over, and yesterday and today here are suddenly crisply September-the-way-it's-supposed-to-be. Makes me want to start fresh, buy a ring binder and a Sheaffer cartridge pen and some Blue Horse notebook paper (the basics of my long-ago school days.)

I did clean out some files yesterday (only because my computer was "in the shop") and it was almost as good as new school supplies.

Because of the change in weather, September--not January--feels the proper time for new resolve. Got any new goals or resolutions for this semester? I plan to have my nailed down by Labor Day.

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Making Changes and Experimenting

This blog is spiffing up a bit. As with human make-overs, the change is not happening in an instant. Instead, with much help, I'm sorta playing with it. Trying this and that, learning a tiny bit about the inner workings. I never thought I'd be interested in such a thing, but it keeps calling me back.

So, expect a few days of shifting elements and pictures and such. And count on the same jolly philosophy of creative freedom and daily courage.

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Making Changes and Experimenting

This blog is spiffing up a bit. As with human make-overs, the change is not happening in an instant. Instead, with much help, I'm sorta playing with it. Trying this and that, learning a tiny bit about the inner workings. I never thought I'd be interested in such a thing, but it keeps calling me back.

So, expect a few days of shifting elements and pictures and such. And count on the same jolly philosophy of creative freedom and daily courage.

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Boldly Overcoming Fear of Code (Scroll Down to See More)

Why this blog looks peculiar today: Last night I decided that I'd go into the inner workings, fiddle with the html code and make a few changes.

I'd never touched any code in my life before. Amazingly, I was somewhat successful. I made the changes I wanted.

Plus, obviously, a few that I could do without. Sorry for any inconvenience. I will get this straight eventually. Sooner, I hope.

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Fairy Encounters and the Courage to See and Speak

About yesterday's class in Remedial Fairy Viewing: for those who are open to the possibility, it was a class in ordinary practical techniques for attempting something nearly unbelievable.

For anyone who isn't open to the idea(and you probably did not attend), instructor Megan Mitchell still offered some wisdom. It was a talk about "the expansion of the possible" and learning to pay extraordinary attention.

Techniques for Better Fairy Viewing

Lesson 1: Become aware of which of your senses is dominant and expect the most revealing information (about anything) to come through that window. Mitchell doesn't see fairies; if she closes her eyes, she doesn't even visualize the room she's in. So if she hasn't taken in what the chairs and floor look like, how could she see something subtle and evanescent? Instead, she hears--and gets translations in her dreams.

Lesson 2: The better vocabulary you develop for the fleeting things you observe, the more detailed your experience will be. We do tend to deny the existence of things that don't fit; as in, "I didn't really see that" or "I made that up" or "That could not have happened."

Lesson 3: Recall the imaginary friend of your childhood--or create one--and tell that friend what you want to see.

Lesson 4: Before going to sleep, ask your dreams to answer a specific question you have about a plant or bush or tree. Expect the answer to be cloaked in surprising symbolism.

Also:
*"Natural intelligences want to communicate with you."
*Leave food offerings in private garden spots. Butter is "wildly popular" with the nature spirit world.

The Courage to Say What You See

Now, about the matter of speaking up: I once wrote a novel (Revelation) about a minister who hears God speaking out loud in English in his back yard in Chapel Hill. Does he rush to tell his congregation? No. He's embarrassed; he doesn't believe in this sort of thing. Plus, people will think he's crazy.

One member of the audience yesterday disclosed that years ago he had started seeing elfin creatures and he was put in a hospital for a couple of weeks. He decided that he would not see them any more, because it was too frightening.

Total disclosure:

*I once saw a floating orb of light above a woman's head. About the size of a pearl onion and just as real as anything else in the room.
*I once felt a hawthorn tree sending me a warm current of communication, about six or eight inches wide. It went into my chest, looped around, came out and headed back toward the tree.
*I once felt sharp puffs of air against my cheek with no discernible explanation.

That's my whole catalog. I wish it were larger. As a self-employed novelist, I really don't risk anything by saying things that some might consider loony.

I'm working on expanding my sense of the possible, so I can take in whatever is now out of my reach. Probably it would help if I ever managed to talk in person about these things without a hint of an eyeroll or sardonic tone.

Seen/felt/heard anything extraordinary lately?

I've found lots of stories of seeing fairies online. Hearing about someone else's experience is one way any of us can expand our ideas of what's possible.

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Courageous Admission

Bold act for today: mentioning here that I'm on my way to a class in Remedial Fairy Viewing. More later.

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Fear, Daring, Working Blind

Being a magazine junkie, I was flipping through an old issue of American Libraries this morning, and a folded poster slid out, large enough to cover all the cartoons and taped items on a professor's door.

It said: "Do I Dare Disturb the Universe?" This quote from T.S. Eliot's "Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" was writ large in celebration of last April as National Poetry Month.

Wisdom had actually fallen into my lap. And a dare: to say what I feel I'm here to say, and then "let the chips fall...."

Any writer or artist,innovator of any sort, risks making trouble. While I don't believe in disturbance as a goal in itself, ideas and art run the risk of being upsetting. Of drawing fire.

The Categories of Disturbing Creativity

What provokes is something new that either:
*brings change in tow
*points out a previously unnoticed enticing alternative
*tampers with a revered tradition
*breaks a taboo
*exposes something we don't want to know about ourselves
*insults an icon
*hurts feelings
*diminishes or devalues something that others have greatly invested in.

Most of these can be positive or negative. And it's surprisingly hard to know in advance what the responses will be.

Also, it isn't easy to disturb the universe these days. There are already lots of disturbing things going on, and we are able know them almost instantly. Getting a bit of attention can be like pushing a barge up a hill.

Even so, a lot of us hesitate in our work, worrying about the outcome, or trying to control it.

If I were to revise Eliot here--cheeky, I know, and the universe is no doubt trembling-- I'd likely make the question: do I dare to steadily work, without knowing the outcomes?

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"...To Take Control of Your Life"

It's a rare book that changes my life in an instant. In fact I think there may be only one (not counting the ones I've written.)

Book 5 in my series of Rediscovered Treasures is Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life.

What this book Boundaries does is view proper protection of your time, space, and self as a crucial moral practice. The authors, Henry Cloud(gotta love a website called drcloud.com) and John Townsend, lay out their argument based on biblical quotes. So the thinking is Christian. But you don't have to be Christian to see that they're right: being a pushover is squandering life. If I let myself be run over and diverted from what I know I'm supposed to be doing, I'm up to no good.

Conquering Fears of Saying No

When I read this, quite a few years ago, I was entirely convinced. Before that I'd had a niggling underground conflict that a really good person would be able to do her stuff and everyone else's too. That conflict was dead well before I got to the last page. I've never even had to review the book again. It worked. Like a magic bullet.

Powerful book. Have a look at it, especially if you're in the habit of letting yourself be blown off course.

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