The Pleasant Oddness of a Geographical Passion

One of my office partners has gone to South Africa for three weeks. She's teaching, studying, and helping to organize an event. She has long wanted to go there and has been working on arranging it for years. I'm not sure why that was the spot in all the world.

Why are some Americans Anglophiles and some Francophiles? Why did I become obsessed with India? These are not purely rhetorical questions. I do wonder what in my personality or background or DNA pointed me to South Asia, produced in me an Indomania. But much more important than ever figuring out why is following bliss in whatever directions it points, in figuring out how to get there and what needs to be made of the experience.


South Africa - Music Legends - Ladysmith Black Mambazo

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Chronic Bold Living

Email trouble is like running into a large spider web in the dark. Can't quite see what has hold of me.

And it still has hold of me. I hope to have my new address sent out to my whole list soon. But if you were expecting to hear from me and didn't. Please send again.

Dealing with mysterious computer problems gives me a lot of respect for people dealing with mysterious illnesses. It has to take a lot of courage: long-term boldness, which doesn't get all the credit it deserves.

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Portents, Omens, and Signs

After my ten minute meditation break this afternoon, I opened my eyes and saw a tiny rainbow over the doorjamb. A little comet. Or an idea arriving. We get to interpret signs and symbols as we wish.

Basic principle of interpretation of all things: choose the option that's the most helpful, the one that would do the most to encourage creativity, spur decisive action, lead to good things.

A rainbow comet on a gold wall heading straight for my desk is the very embodiment of optimism. It is A Good Sign.

Note from Rainbow Links: "The rainbow is a symbol of hope, security, and dreams for future teaching and healing. The rainbow has ancient meanings. The seven colors symbolize not only the rainbow in the sky, but also the spiritual chakras for human and world healing. The circular mandala symbolizes the endless flow of the colorful life force."

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Don't Give Up!

A heartening tale: a friend whose agent has been circulating her first novel to editors for three years and three months just got a two-book deal.

Here's to discovering one's calling in life and keeping on! I find that such occurrences encourage me, not just at work but in every part of the day.

Here's to that loyal agent as well.

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Spunkiness in the Book Business

It takes some bold individuals to start an independent bookstore of any sort at this time in history. All Booked Up not only opened this past May, but after only four months in business, they moved down the street to a larger location. The place sells gently used and antiquarian books and collectibles. It has the feel of a Victorian house and is located in the turn-of-the-previous-century historic district of the little downtown.

Congratulations to booksellers Janice Monaco & Shiloh Burnam, and thanks for creating this delightful spot.

BTW, I'll be giving a wee talk there this coming Monday night at 7:30, focusing on my novel Sister India. Fly in if you can.

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Another Self-Actualizing, Pump-Up Technique

A variation on yesterday's idea: for moments when you need encouragement, keep a file in your desk drawer of nice notes or reviews or even a letter from your mother that reminds you that you're dazzling and your work is important and worthwhile.

--This idea came from psychologist husband Bob.

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A Self-Actualizing, Pump-Up Technique

What I've discovered from writing the fellowship application I was blogging about yesterday:

Affirmations work. Or they can at least stoke the passions and build confidence.

You know what I mean by affirmations, yes? The empowering sayings we're encouraged to repeat to ourselves, such as: I am a calm and capable person. I am a person who doesn't even like sugar and caffeine.

I've never much been into repeating those items. I meditate and I blog and I exercise and do my work and that's all the discipline and structure I can stand.

Plus a screenwriter pal of mine once had an affirmations false alarm. She told me that repeating her declarations were giving her an amazing feeling of peace. But then the screenwriters' strike ended and she discovered that the peace was coming not from affirmations but instead from not listening for the phone. She quickly returned to amazing frazzlement.

However, I've spent the afternoon carefully wording my Career Narrative, which is every good thing I've done professionally in my life, and that amounts to a two-page affirmation. I have succeeded in dazzling myself. I am now so full of beans that it's just a shame it's the end of the day and time to quit and go home. (When I woke this morning, I was distinctly not-so-dazzled by me.

But now I know how a quick pump-up is done. Seriously. If I want to take charge, beat procrastination, make a step toward bold living, I could write down some good things I've actually done. These, I'm happy to say, do not include steering clear of sugar and caffeine.

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Following Bliss Upstream

Two recent bits of bold living that I'm proud to claim:

1. Took the whole Labor Day weekend off and caught up on reading and sleep (in order of importance.)

2. Am now at work on my application for a Guggenheim fellowship, which is a very prestigious and sought-after plum. I just ran across a not-so-encouraging item saying that as of 2006 only two people in the history of NC State University have received one of these. Oh, dear.

I didn't need to know this figure; I was already going to produce the best application I could. So I am now putting that potentially daunting info aside. I'm watching that miserable factoid slide out of sight.

Now back to boldly writing my Career Narrative.

Consistently keeping on is a crucial component in following any calling in life. It's more difficult, I think, than daring.

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Decisive Action--With an Attitude

It appears that some alien has messed with my email addresses...causing a variety of confusions and miscommunications.

Decisive action was called for: new email address.

I spent the day semi-successfully working at viewing the complications as a "challenge" and an "opportunity." Mentally tiring. But do-able, both the fix and the positive mindset.

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September Energy and Fresh Resolve

All grownups need the fresh start of the first day of the school year. Kids have this, of course. And my academic pals do, too.

For me, time seems weirdly seamless. Gardening season eases into kayak season which cools back into gardening. And work is the same year-round: except that in August a lot of people are hard to get hold of.

New Beginning

Now August is over, and yesterday and today here are suddenly crisply September-the-way-it's-supposed-to-be. Makes me want to start fresh, buy a ring binder and a Sheaffer cartridge pen and some Blue Horse notebook paper (the basics of my long-ago school days.)

I did clean out some files yesterday (only because my computer was "in the shop") and it was almost as good as new school supplies.

Because of the change in weather, September--not January--feels the proper time for new resolve. Got any new goals or resolutions for this semester? I plan to have my nailed down by Labor Day.

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Making Changes and Experimenting

This blog is spiffing up a bit. As with human make-overs, the change is not happening in an instant. Instead, with much help, I'm sorta playing with it. Trying this and that, learning a tiny bit about the inner workings. I never thought I'd be interested in such a thing, but it keeps calling me back.

So, expect a few days of shifting elements and pictures and such. And count on the same jolly philosophy of creative freedom and daily courage.

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Making Changes and Experimenting

This blog is spiffing up a bit. As with human make-overs, the change is not happening in an instant. Instead, with much help, I'm sorta playing with it. Trying this and that, learning a tiny bit about the inner workings. I never thought I'd be interested in such a thing, but it keeps calling me back.

So, expect a few days of shifting elements and pictures and such. And count on the same jolly philosophy of creative freedom and daily courage.

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Boldly Overcoming Fear of Code (Scroll Down to See More)

Why this blog looks peculiar today: Last night I decided that I'd go into the inner workings, fiddle with the html code and make a few changes.

I'd never touched any code in my life before. Amazingly, I was somewhat successful. I made the changes I wanted.

Plus, obviously, a few that I could do without. Sorry for any inconvenience. I will get this straight eventually. Sooner, I hope.

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Fairy Encounters and the Courage to See and Speak

About yesterday's class in Remedial Fairy Viewing: for those who are open to the possibility, it was a class in ordinary practical techniques for attempting something nearly unbelievable.

For anyone who isn't open to the idea(and you probably did not attend), instructor Megan Mitchell still offered some wisdom. It was a talk about "the expansion of the possible" and learning to pay extraordinary attention.

Techniques for Better Fairy Viewing

Lesson 1: Become aware of which of your senses is dominant and expect the most revealing information (about anything) to come through that window. Mitchell doesn't see fairies; if she closes her eyes, she doesn't even visualize the room she's in. So if she hasn't taken in what the chairs and floor look like, how could she see something subtle and evanescent? Instead, she hears--and gets translations in her dreams.

Lesson 2: The better vocabulary you develop for the fleeting things you observe, the more detailed your experience will be. We do tend to deny the existence of things that don't fit; as in, "I didn't really see that" or "I made that up" or "That could not have happened."

Lesson 3: Recall the imaginary friend of your childhood--or create one--and tell that friend what you want to see.

Lesson 4: Before going to sleep, ask your dreams to answer a specific question you have about a plant or bush or tree. Expect the answer to be cloaked in surprising symbolism.

Also:
*"Natural intelligences want to communicate with you."
*Leave food offerings in private garden spots. Butter is "wildly popular" with the nature spirit world.

The Courage to Say What You See

Now, about the matter of speaking up: I once wrote a novel (Revelation) about a minister who hears God speaking out loud in English in his back yard in Chapel Hill. Does he rush to tell his congregation? No. He's embarrassed; he doesn't believe in this sort of thing. Plus, people will think he's crazy.

One member of the audience yesterday disclosed that years ago he had started seeing elfin creatures and he was put in a hospital for a couple of weeks. He decided that he would not see them any more, because it was too frightening.

Total disclosure:

*I once saw a floating orb of light above a woman's head. About the size of a pearl onion and just as real as anything else in the room.
*I once felt a hawthorn tree sending me a warm current of communication, about six or eight inches wide. It went into my chest, looped around, came out and headed back toward the tree.
*I once felt sharp puffs of air against my cheek with no discernible explanation.

That's my whole catalog. I wish it were larger. As a self-employed novelist, I really don't risk anything by saying things that some might consider loony.

I'm working on expanding my sense of the possible, so I can take in whatever is now out of my reach. Probably it would help if I ever managed to talk in person about these things without a hint of an eyeroll or sardonic tone.

Seen/felt/heard anything extraordinary lately?

I've found lots of stories of seeing fairies online. Hearing about someone else's experience is one way any of us can expand our ideas of what's possible.

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Courageous Admission

Bold act for today: mentioning here that I'm on my way to a class in Remedial Fairy Viewing. More later.

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Fear, Daring, Working Blind

Being a magazine junkie, I was flipping through an old issue of American Libraries this morning, and a folded poster slid out, large enough to cover all the cartoons and taped items on a professor's door.

It said: "Do I Dare Disturb the Universe?" This quote from T.S. Eliot's "Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" was writ large in celebration of last April as National Poetry Month.

Wisdom had actually fallen into my lap. And a dare: to say what I feel I'm here to say, and then "let the chips fall...."

Any writer or artist,innovator of any sort, risks making trouble. While I don't believe in disturbance as a goal in itself, ideas and art run the risk of being upsetting. Of drawing fire.

The Categories of Disturbing Creativity

What provokes is something new that either:
*brings change in tow
*points out a previously unnoticed enticing alternative
*tampers with a revered tradition
*breaks a taboo
*exposes something we don't want to know about ourselves
*insults an icon
*hurts feelings
*diminishes or devalues something that others have greatly invested in.

Most of these can be positive or negative. And it's surprisingly hard to know in advance what the responses will be.

Also, it isn't easy to disturb the universe these days. There are already lots of disturbing things going on, and we are able know them almost instantly. Getting a bit of attention can be like pushing a barge up a hill.

Even so, a lot of us hesitate in our work, worrying about the outcome, or trying to control it.

If I were to revise Eliot here--cheeky, I know, and the universe is no doubt trembling-- I'd likely make the question: do I dare to steadily work, without knowing the outcomes?

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"...To Take Control of Your Life"

It's a rare book that changes my life in an instant. In fact I think there may be only one (not counting the ones I've written.)

Book 5 in my series of Rediscovered Treasures is Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life.

What this book Boundaries does is view proper protection of your time, space, and self as a crucial moral practice. The authors, Henry Cloud(gotta love a website called drcloud.com) and John Townsend, lay out their argument based on biblical quotes. So the thinking is Christian. But you don't have to be Christian to see that they're right: being a pushover is squandering life. If I let myself be run over and diverted from what I know I'm supposed to be doing, I'm up to no good.

Conquering Fears of Saying No

When I read this, quite a few years ago, I was entirely convinced. Before that I'd had a niggling underground conflict that a really good person would be able to do her stuff and everyone else's too. That conflict was dead well before I got to the last page. I've never even had to review the book again. It worked. Like a magic bullet.

Powerful book. Have a look at it, especially if you're in the habit of letting yourself be blown off course.

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Surprise Book

This afternoon in the writing group I've attended weekly for 26 years, a writer read from a book that none of us knew she'd been writing. And it is terrific! It is splendid! And she has a huge amount of it done.

This event is roughly equivalent to discovering that your next-door neighbor of 20+ years has a ten year-old child at home who has never been mentioned. And a rather brilliant kid at that.

She was simply writing along on this never-really-meant-for-publication project. And now it blurps forth in full sharp glory. I may not have mentioned: it's an exceptionally bold book as well.

Telling oneself that a project is just for fun or private writing is an excellent disinhibitor and freer of creativity.

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Create an Easier Way

My psychologist husband tells me I like to create "Great Wall of China projects." And it's true that I seem drawn to doing things the hard way. For example, I made a quilt with a needle and thread.

But I'd rather not have to do everything the most difficult way, or the high-stress bear-down-hard way, especially finishing books. Which brings me to:

Book 4 in my personal series of Rediscovered Treasures

The book is Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff by Richard Carlson, a wise fellow indeed. My natural inclination is to sweat the big stuff and think it's all big stuff. So I like this book a lot, not that I've put a huge lot of it into practice.

Here's one title of this collection of tiny, pithy essays about taking it easier and having a good, productive life anyway.

"Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can't Be Superachievers"

Carlson makes several excellent points in this 4-paragraph gem.

*getting out of emergency mode does not mean giving up good results
*fear and frenzy get in the way of creativity
*feeling calm and peaceful makes for better concentration

Good, yes? I'm going to reread the whole book. Slowly. Peacefully.

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The Creative Courage List

After a couple of days away, back to my list of rediscovered treasures. Number Three (not in order of importance) is Julia Cameron's seminal, world-changing, now-classic The Artist's Way.

The book is inspiring and encouraging in ways all its own. And at the same time it delivers two ideas that are bold in both their simplicity and their effectiveness.

Morning Pages

Every morning on awakening dash off three pages in handwriting at top speed not for publication. The idea is to clear the pipes and get to the good stuff. It has worked well for me, when I've gotten myself to do it.

The Artist's Date

An artist's date is when we each go alone out into the world--at least once a week for two hours--on a refreshing excursion to see or do something new. This is to refill the pipes. This one works too. Though I don't have to be encouraged to go out exploring.

Personal update: I was back in my hometown of Wilmington, NC, for the last couple of days, visiting my mom and the ocean and by chance seeing 4 people from my high school class (1966!) who all happened to be eating Sunday lunch at the same place. The others were visiting from Virginia and Philadelphia. Such trips seem to stir an ever-deeper pot of memories and connections. It all added up to a sort of artist's date.

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One Simple Principle for Better and Easier Decision Making

Wonderful wisdom today from the Daily Om on making decisions:


"Before making your choice, release your fear of wrong decisions. Perceived mistakes can lead you down wonderful and unexpected paths that expose you to life-changing insights. If you can let go of the notion that certain choices are utterly right while others are entirely wrong, you will be less tempted to invite others to take the reigns of your destiny.

When your choices are your own, you will be more likely to accept and be satisfied with the outcome of those choices. Your decisions will be a pure reflection of your desires, your creativity, your awareness, and your power."


This reminds me of a book I read in my twenties. If I'd been able to fully put it into practice then, I'd likely have needed about 62% less psychotherapy. The book is The Psychology of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. It essentially argues that self-respect comes from making your own choices based on your own highest values and accepting responsibility for the consequences. Not entirely easy. But a lot more attainable, satisfying, and worthwhile than trying to make decisions perceived as perfect, right, or normal in the "eyes of the world."

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How to Stay Creative

Women Who Run with the Wolves is Book 2 in my series of rediscovered treasures.

I remember well when it came out because I was then in the editing process of the book I co-authored, The Healing Power of Doing Good, and working with the same publisher. And so on the phone one day, I got to tell then-editor Joelle Delbourgo at Ballantine: I stayed up late last night reading the Clarissa Pinkola Estes book and was so excited by it I couldn't sleep. She was pretty excited about that book too.

The conversation somehow made me feel closer to the message of the book. Which is: Women! renew and guard and rely on your instinctive, intuitive capabilities. Use them to do what's important to you.

Estes writes about excitement, passion, courage and how to stay vividly alive and creative.

Number One Principle of Creativity: Keep Coming Back

"Protect your creative life," she says, "Practice your work every day. Then, let no thought, no man, no woman, no mate, no friend, no religion, no job, and no crabbed voice force you into a famine. If necessary, show your incisors."

Typing that quote made me ask myself: Do I have to show "incisors" to protect my work time? I did interrupt 2 social conversations so far today, each time saying: I have to get back to it.

But both chats were with writers, and knew what "it" meant. So no incisors were needed. Which has usually been my experience. Still, it's good to be able to trust one's guardian wolf as needed, to know that she's there.

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Saying No at All the Wrong Times

The Jonah Complex is what Abraham Maslow calls the business of turning down our most profound callings:

"The evasion of one's own growth,
the setting of low levels of aspiration,
the fear of doing what one is capable of doing,
voluntary self-crippling,
pseudo-stupidity,
mock humility."

Personal Confessions: My Own Whale Tale

Ten or so years into freelance writing--finally reasonably well-established-- I got an inconvenient urge toward the ministry. I resisted. (I still think I was right to do so)

Then a few years later came the more compelling need to write a story about a minister who hears the voice of God and would prefer not to. I said to myself: is this what I want to do? And then I said to myself: if I turn this one down, the next one is likely to be even worse: opera singing or some such. So I wrote my first novel Revelation.

No regrets. But I also know for sure that some callings keep coming back, one way or another. Might as well figure out the best way to say yes.

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Callings

A lot of books arrived at my house last week after psychologist husband Bob's office reorganization. Picking through the boxes, I discovered a few selections that I'd recommended to him because I'd found them outstandingly useful, actually practical and effective in improving my life navigation skills.

So I decided to glance at these books again and bring here a few pithy items from each.

Today, from the splendid Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life by Gregg Levoy, some quotes and, of course, my comments.


*"Calls are essentially questions....What question were you put here to understand?"

My question is: What is God? This is the subject of all my books.



* "If you were to retell your own life story as a myth....you would become the hero or the heroine, and your earthly struggles, rather than being taken so personally, would become mythic in scope, recast as plot twists in an epic adventure. The calling you seek becomes the treasure, the obstacles to your path become the tests of initiation you must endure, and friends become the hero's guardians. You would see the Big Picture...."

I find this helpful--when I remember to think of it--particularly in dealing with annoyances, setbacks, losses and damages. In fiction, it's the obstacles that make the story.



* Quoting Deena Metzger, "Keep away from saying 'I will do X so that Y will happen,...So that I'll be happy, or make money, or be recognized. Cause-and-effect is the narrowest way of seeing the world....Don't negotiate with the gods. Just offer yourself, 'Thy will be done,' without knowing the outcome."

This is pretty much my approach to writing novels.



* From Bharati Mukherjee, whom I once had the delight of introducing to writing classes at Duke, "Let me treat every moment with reverence...because I don't know what the mission of any of my moments in life is."

I tend to have a clear idea of what I mean to do in a given moment, but Mukherjee reminds me here, via Levoy, that there may be another and grander project I'm working on unwittingly at the same time. For example, I sometimes wonder if the real point of the writing group I've been in for 26 years is the books or the connections between the band of us.

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Setting a Good Example of Cheeky Ambition

Hear me, world: I am ready!

This is my announcement that, if offered, I will accept the post of American Idol judge recently vacated by Ms. Paula Abdul.

Job Qualifications

I bring many assets to the position. At 60, I am of a demographic not currently represented on the panel. Having no musical ability, I will be in no way competitive with the performers. I am not cowed by Cowell, in fact, think he's kinda cute (note: viewers love chemistry!!)

My Southern accent is a plus for any television job. Am able to be sarcastic as needed. Can roll eyes. Can well up with tears. Can make bold pronouncements. Am surprisingly open to make-over advice. Can raise eyebrows (and how!)

I am equipped with live on-camera experience. On public TV.

Availability

Can start now. Producers, I am awaiting your ring-a-ding.

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Seize the Scissors, Seize the Day

We don't have to stick with whatever comes out of a package. Often, we can change it. I love using things in ways they weren't intended, or altering them to make them work for my circumstances.

Case in point:

Husband Bob didn't like the blue sheets because they "didn't breathe." I didn't like the black ones because they were itchy. Here you see the compromise: slicing them down the middle. Now we have two sets of sheets that we both like.

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Death Anxiety Finale

I was preaching and theorizing here two days ago about how the health care anger and uproar was coming in part out of the fear of death.

Turns out I was projecting: it was me. (And maybe those raging demonstrators as well)

The day after that post (yesterday), I worried here about the recession and money.

The Underlying Fear

So then last night, as I watched a raw and astonishingly moving funeral of I-won't-say-who on Six Feet Under on DVD, money fear dissolved into a serious case of: Oh shit, I'm aging, time is going faster and faster, and all the people I love are going to die. (Not me, of course, my thinking is not that advanced.)

The recognition was very relieving.

Hitting a Wall

I'd had the same experience more wrenchingly 31 years ago, a couple of weeks after my father died. For no apparent reason, I panicked over money, though I was a self-supporting adult by then. I also managed that day to let my car battery die twice and to then drive that car over a small wall that I'd thought was a speed bump. A wrecker had to lift me off.

So maybe I should have known to look deeper. And maybe there's something else under death anxiety. What that might be I don't know. I'll be watching to see what else erupts.

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When Fear Likes to Strike

Curiously, courage is often needed most when a threat starts to recede. That's true for me, and true theoretically. The recession starts to show signs of abating and I start to feel the full emotional impact for the first time: anger, fear, fatigue, etc.

Why Be Scared of the Recession Now?

When the first frenzy of a crisis is over and things begin to look better, then I/we have the luxury of being tired and of resting, and of wasting time on worrying and second-guessing. Also, the adrenaline fades out a bit. And the initial overdoing starts to take its toll.

Decision-Making Principle

What I keep in mind is that the inevitable moment of wobble is not a good time for changing plans, backing off from earlier choices, throwing anything over, or rethinking anything important. Unless radically new circumstances occur, it's a good time for getting more sleep and sticking with the wisdom of an earlier fresher day.

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Tired? Terrified?

If job/economy worries are starting to wear on your courage and your imagination, your basic health and good humor, then take a playground break. Or you might even stand up and stretch, or try a little desk yoga. Not only bold, but refreshing.

Confront The Beast

Which reminds me that I regularly drive past Silver Lake Waterpark with a waterslide called The Beast and yet have never stopped and slid. This needs my attention before the weather gets cold once again.

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Fury and Fears About Healthcare

At tea this afternoon after my regular weekly writing group meeting, I suddenly understood why rage has been breaking out at meetings to talk about health care.

The Anger

I'm sure you've read about people showing up at these discussions packing heat, and seen the pictures of snarling and pushing participants.

This afternoon at our cafe table, four close friends--all well-educated, well-informed, and fairly temperate--got pretty hot on the subject and the thing is: we AGREE about healthcare reform. But we had slight variations on what must be included, or what model should be allowed or not allowed to become a new system. But safe to say: we were thinking about 96% the same.

So if we could get as stirred up as we did, then I can understand how people with radical disagreements can get very upset. And how people can let themselves be inflamed by bizarre rumors. And manipulated into bug-eyed fury.

It's because basic safety is involved.

Death Anxiety, The Fear of Death

What we're talking about isn't mere financial corruption or tax increases or better schools. It's staying alive. And staying whole. And protecting our young and our old.

Some of the rumors going about are simply insane, and I'm not even going to further spread them by repeating them. But people worried about basic safety for themselves and their families can get crazy pretty quickly. Especially if helped along by political forces that stand to gain by their anger.

When I was living in Varanasi doing my research for Sister India, rioting and terrorist bombing broke out there and shut the city down for two weeks of curfew. The sides there were Hindu vs. Muslim. Never mind that Hindus and Muslims were living together in harmony most of the time through much of the city. But political agitation stirred up violence over symbolic acts, over what an outsider might see as a trifle. Each outbreak then set up a chain reaction of retribution.

(When I set out for India, I didn't expect such fights and living under curfew to become part of my novel, but inevitably they did.)

It's easy to say: go easy, listen to all sides, remember that this is your neighbor who also wants reliable healthcare.

Such restraint is very hard in practice. I do know that inflammatory rumors help no one and can do extraordinary harm.

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Taking a Break from Strong?

A courage conundrum: Can a strong person have a weak stomach?

I won't burden you with details, but I came down with food poisoning last night. A rough six hours, but it was the cleanup that was most vexing.

Willpower alone does little to restrain a stomach in rebellion. I do know that hypnosis can get amazing results; my psychologist husband helps people prepare for chemo, etc., using clinical hypnosis. He mentioned this morning that this episode was an opportunity to "work on" my sensitivities. I did not press him for details. Wasn't feeling bold.

I do know that it's possible to desensitize to a smell. Living in Varanasi, India, doing research for Sister India, I found that I "forgot" the smell of the riverbank funeral pyres.

And yet a bad smell is an astonishingly tough adversary. Even rioters can be dispersed by the truly potent stink bomb.

I may just decide to be a wuss in this particular aspect of life, unless I hit a persistent need to do otherwise.

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Pump It Up

Here's one of my favorite pump-up songs of all time, performed by one of the great pop artists. Perfect for shaking off any August lethargy.

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Boldness Highlights of the Week

Bold this week:

...our new Justice Sotomayor. It takes courage to be the first of any group to climb into a highly visible position.

...the rescue of the two reporters from North Korea, not with force but with strategy and charm.

...Paul McCartney riding city buses (from "Paul McCartney Keeps It Real", The Week magazine)

My own boldest move this week was pretty small: I rewrote my intro copy for my blog in a more revealing and pointed way. (soon to come)

What was your own boldest move in the last seven days? What's it going to be for the coming week?

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Weakness or Strength?

Peeling a car isn't everyone's idea of fun. But my car needed it. It's an artcar, as I've mentioned here before. And my most recent attempt at a white background for the morning glories used housepaint. Bad idea.

It started to blister. Then ragged tatters of paint flapped in the breeze as I drove. Something had to be done.

So in late morning I started ripping off bits and strips of paint. It was so much fun. I kept thinking I would quit and go move the laundry from washer to dryer. But then I'd pull one more dirty bit of paint off and another.

And then I discovered that four hours had passed. Unbelievable! I would have believed maybe an hour and a quarter.

Which brings me to my point. I'm good at focusing, losing track of time, and staying with a project literally for decades. My point: our weaknesses are our strengths inappropriately applied. I could have quit earlier and borrowed a sander. Or settled for a less-peeled car. (It's no prize as it is, I'll tell you.) Or at least made a conscious choice. That's the key thing: to pause for a second to make a choice.

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Cheeky Advertising

My hip, imaginative dentist (take that, stereotype!) has interesting ways of getting the word out. Note this give-away toothbrush. In case the writing on my portrait of it is hard to read, the inscription says:

Rebecca Schmorr, DOS, 834-4450
Directions: Use the Fuzzy End

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Boldly Grateful

A wise friend recently told me he feels gratitude is the key to success in life.

I already knew that genuinely feeling grateful does a lot for one's health and happiness. But as I thought about it, I realized how effective a focus on gratitude could be for making alliances, working with people, recognizing opportunities, and so on.

And it does feel better than griping about what's not right.

Probably it cuts down on self-consciousness, fear, and irritability as well. Anyone who is in the midst of reveling in the wonders of what she has been given probably isn't simultaneously in a swivet about the oppressive to-do list, money pressure, how the meeting this morning should have gone, and so forth. Anyone feeling that kind of ease is likely nice to be around.

Even my computer is more cooperative when I don't swear at it for taking 8 seconds to do something.

It's pretty easy to feel genuine gratitude (nothing's more annoying than the fake pious lying kind) Feeling grateful happens simply by remembering what's good: an 8-second delay in getting into a website is miraculously easy research compared to the old days of driving somewhere to pore over microfiche archives. And so forth.

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Grab a Green Kleenex

It's hard to do the right thing when someone is pressing you to do it. At least I, immaturely, find that so.

So congratulations are due today to two organizations:
1. The world's largest tissue-maker Kimberly-Clark
2. Environmental organization Greenpeace (as well as other eco-activists)

Kimberly-Clark, after almost five years of urging from Greenpeace, will no longer use wood pulp from Endangered Forests, such as Canada's Kenogami. And KC is a company that requires a lot of raw materials; they make Depends, Kleenex, Scott paper towels, Huggies, Kotex, and Poise, among other items. Now they're a giant not only in paper products, but in green paper practices.

So-- Yay, Kimberly-Clark! Yay, Greenpeace! Yay, ancient forests!

If it brings tears to your eyes, go buy yourself a case of Kleenex. The right move deserves a reward.

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On Time or Way Behind?

The feeling of running behind is one that I find hard to shake. Here, from The Daily Om, is a good way to think of it. Important, because nothing is actually gained from going around feeling pressed. The hurried state of mind makes me clumsy and leads me to try too hard and actually slows me down.


"...The delays that disappoint you may be laying the foundation for future accomplishments that you have not yet conceived....What you deem a postponement of progress may actually represent an auspicious opportunity to prepare for what is yet to come."

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Daily Uncertainty, Daily Strength

"Creativeness is correlated with the ability to withstand the lack of structure, the lack of future, the lack of predictability, of control, the tolerance for ambiguity, for planlessness." Maslow on Management, Abraham Maslow


In about my second year of freelancing (1973), I would walk from my parking place to my office in the mornings, often amazed that the buildings were already there and weren't something I had to fling up one either side of me as I walked. That's how unstructured self-employment felt a lot of the time then.

I often still feel that writing a novel is sketching the first step of a flight of stairs, stepping up onto it, then drawing another step that's supposed to hold my weight. And so on.

I'm not a great fan of ambiguity, though I do find an uncertain future (professionally) to be exciting. Most of us like some wobble room, and get nervous about other aspects of facing the great void. But getting used to that is part of the job; it goes with the turf.

The work is both conscious and unconscious. In addition to the discipline of writing, it requires some trust that the path you're on, with all its detours, is worth taking. Practically, that means staying willing to proceed even when you don't know what's up ahead.

E.L. Doctorow said that writing is like driving at night, you can only see as far as the headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.

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Who Is the Bold and Savvy Blue Hair Lady?

Those unnerving little ads that show up at the top of email somehow always seem to know what I'm interested in. I don't know the technology by which they read over my shoulder, but yesterday I was actually enticed into clicking on one.

The phrase that caught my eye was: Radical Writing. How could anyone resist that?

It took me to The Blue Hair Lady. And what a find! Not only does Laura Cerwinske put "Blue Envy" on her hair every couple of weeks, she's a highly accomplished writer on design and visual art, publishing with such outfits as Rizzoli International, Thames and Hudson, Bantam, Dell, Doubleday, Simon and Schuster.

And she's an artist.

And a small publisher (Blue Hair Lady Publishing..."The company’s publications are excursions through the secrets of transformation, weaving quantum thought and healing, metaphysics and art, memoir and mythology.".

And a student of Santeria and similar body/mind/spirit subjects.

Also she teaches a 12-week on-line Radical Writing course aimed at wild disinhibition-- for $25.

I do admire the combination of free-wheeling and commercially-and-artistically-successful.

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A Good Sign

A long-time biker bar (Hogs not ten-speeds) is on my route between home and office. I've never stopped there, though it has often crossed my mind.

Recently a sign went up outside the place that I thought pretty bold, and delightful as well. The sign: "It's A Boy." And the little marquee was festooned with appropriate decorations.

It takes a bold biker to make a tender announcement.

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Obsessive-Compulsive Haircuts

My hairdresser, like me, has a touch of obsessive-compulsive disorder. So we tend to compare notes on meds and how we're doing.

Once she noted that we'd gone a whole haircut without touching the subject, and didn't that speak well of how we were both doing.

Today: haircut at 11:15. Forty-five minutes from now.

I'm doing fine with this OC stuff. And one small part of the reason is getting to talk about it as she and I do. Having a comrade-in-arms helps build all kinds of courage. And gets my bangs out of my eyes.

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The Courage to Face Death

Yesterday I was finishing an edit on a nonfiction book proposal from my three months in Varanasi, India. (I was there doing research for my novel, Sister India.)

In the proposal is a scene from the first time I visited "the burning place," the riverbank pyres where corpses are burned and ashes placed in the Ganges. Watching a human body catch fire is disturbing, even if it's a stranger, and seen briefly and from a little distance.

Hours after that experience, I felt as if the ballast in my interior was rolling around. I felt all atilt. I've read that material a number of times since. But yesterday it got to me again, as if I were seeing it for the first time.

The fact that we die and are physically destroyed is shocking. I find it incomprehensible.

We are all very brave to put up with it.

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The Encouraging Largeness of the World

Foreign accents filter through the door from the office next to mine. My friend and colleague Carrie is taking part in a conference call/meeting. I think she's talking with Australians about some joint arts project.

I like hearing this murmur from the other side of the world. It reminds me that the world is large and the possibilities nearly infinite.

For a while when I was in my twenties, pre-Internet, whenever I felt low I went to a newsstand and bought a New York Times. It reminded me that the world was larger than whatever--

No, wait! The voices in the next room are from South Africa, I just heard a reference to Johannesburg.

Anyway, having a look at The Times reminded me that my options were larger than whatever limited set I was focused on that day. It inevitably worked, if only a little.

Yesterday I was posting about the power of following our particular passions where they lead, into deeper knowledge and engagement. Today, I remember that a wide view can also be greatly inspiring and exciting and en-couraging.

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Follow Your Bliss

Follow an interest with passion and energy and it becomes very particular. Not just interest in dogs, but deepening interest in particular breeds or particular aspects of dog training or some such. Husband Bob is fascinated by big exotic breeds. Here's a Boerboel (a South African mastiff type) that we drove several hours to meet, never mind that we already have one at home.

I consider following an interest where it leads to be a bold and enriching exploration.

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A Ten-Adventure Weekend

Just back from a 3-day weekend to the NC mountains and then to the Charlotte area with husband Bob. The itinerary was determined by two things he had in mind to do: go to a black-belt testing in Blowing Rock and then see some dogs at the home of a breeder who raises the same kind of exotic mastiffs he now has. (8 month old Aura is a Boerboel, which is a South African breed.)

My agenda was to hike in the mountains (that was Saturday) and to paddle my kayak in Lake Norman, the largest lake in the state, near Charlotte (that was Sunday). Today we had a spontaneous retail adventure in an Ikea, the bold Swedish business innovator that sells home and office stuff like nobody else in the world. I'd been to one once, Bob never had.

That worked out to three adventures for me, and four for Bob, and one more for each of us, if you count the rather intense conversation we had for an hour while waiting for check-in time at the Lake Norman Motel, Restaurant, and Marina to be ready. And possibly one more, if you count skidding in with minutes to spare in time for Bob to run his 5:30 psychotherapy group.

The number of adventures is my test of an excellent vacation. And it occurred to me this weekend that I could start looking at regular days that way as well.

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Adapt or Revolt?

"What shall we think of a well-adjusted slave?"

--Abraham Maslow

The answer to that question is not simple. In some situations, coping and making-the-best-of is all that can be done. And what's important is to avoid lingering shame at having done no more.

Other times, adapting is copping out.

How to tell the difference? I think we know in our guts which is which.

One exception: things that kids do to cope get a pass. As kids we simply don't have the resources to do everything we think we should have done back then.

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Starting the Day Stupid

Overslept. By two hours! Then forgot I'd had a morning appointment at Autologic about a car problem. Then stumbled around trying to make sense of things. Finally, rolled out toward car shop and the rest of the day.

Now it's just past noon. People at AutoLogic quickly did the necessary check, and I was out of there and on to the next thing, as if I'd started the day in a smart and organized and capable way.

It's tempting (for me at least) in the case of a screwup, to say: the hell with it, today's shot, or at least the car repair venture is. I try to rememember at such moments, large or small, that order may be reclaimable: do what I can as fast as I can.

Sometimes when I've dropped something valuable and fragile, I have a quarter-second thought: that's lost; and I'm already starting to grieve before it hits the floor. And then the next quarter-second thought kicks in and I grab it and sometimes "save the day".

Important to remember: first do what can be done, on matters large and small.

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Degrees of Anxiety

"Most people believe only in degrees of jeopardy and live in degrees of greater and lesser anxiety, but never in true relaxation."

quoted on Gaiam
from Paul Richards, co-author with Patricia Richards of Wild Attraction, a Ruthlessly Practical Guide to Extraordinary Relationship- a book about the effects of subtle energy on relationships.


Note from Peggy: It never occurred to me that what I think of as relaxation might be merely a reduction in tension. Maybe this relaxation is a place I've never visited. Will explore further.

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Risk Analysis

Going to the moon probably requires some boldness.

The 40th anniversary of the first moon landing was yesterday. I was twenty when it happened and it still seems unbelievable to me that anyone has done that. I like the idea that something can be permanently amazing. And that anyone has the nerve to visit another celestial body. Or to put up with a loved one making the trip.

I doubt if I'm going to the moon. Not my brand of gumption. Not what I'd risk everything for.

It's not that we have a finite quantity of courage and if we use it up it's gone. Quite the reverse. Bravery, even in small daily things, engenders more of the same.

But risk is another matter altogether. Lots of things that require some nerve--making a difficult phone call, perhaps--don't have any real risk. I once knew a fellow travel writer who waited as late as possible to head out to the airport for a flight; so there was always a mad rush on the road. She did it on purpose, saying she was "a risk-taker." I thought that was pretty stupid.

She was risking missing the flight. The gain was a few more minutes at home. Not a good trade-off.

When faced with something that scares me, the real risk involved is one thing I think about. That, and the potential gain.

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