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ANXIOUS WRITER ATTEMPTS ADVENTUROUS LIFE
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Writing Books, Seeking God, Teaching Writing, and Coping with OCD
I’m a writer who dodged being a minister; I saw that my dharma, my calling, was instead to write about body and spirit, to explore in fiction my metaphysical questions. I’ve spent the past 35+ years as a freelancer, with 2 novels, 2 nonfiction books, magazine and newspaper articles from 25+ countries, a few seasons as a TV reporter, copy for ad agencies, a winter in India, and my manuscript and career consulting services for writers.
It’s not because I’m naturally lion-hearted that I’ve chosen the topic of bold living and bold writing. It’s because I aspire to living and writing with courage. I wrestle with these matters; I even have a touch of an anxiety disorder, specifically obsessive-compulsive disorder. You probably know the saying: we teach what we need to learn.
I post here about daily fears and triumphs, about writing and, if I ever get my courage up, about mysticism, the ultimate brazen act: direct experience of God. I hope you’ll leap into the wide-ranging conversation here and come back often. I hope you’ll find the talk here encouraging for your own adventures.
It’s not because I’m naturally lion-hearted that I’ve chosen the topic of bold living and bold writing. It’s because I aspire to living and writing with courage. I wrestle with these matters; I even have a touch of an anxiety disorder, specifically obsessive-compulsive disorder. You probably know the saying: we teach what we need to learn.
I post here about daily fears and triumphs, about writing and, if I ever get my courage up, about mysticism, the ultimate brazen act: direct experience of God. I hope you’ll leap into the wide-ranging conversation here and come back often. I hope you’ll find the talk here encouraging for your own adventures.
Followers
Blogroll, Book Links, etc.
PLEASE VISIT MY WEBSITE:
PeggyPayne.com
To Buy My Books:
American gathers courage in a Hindu holy city
A preacher-mystic dares to tell about the voices
Giving can heal and empower the giver
A business encourages bold thinking
Using This Blog
"Everything Peggy Payne has critiqued for me has gotten published and in venues such as Image, Shenandoah, and The Missouri Review. Her advice on structure was indispensable in revising my memoir, Gods of Noonday."
Elaine Neil Orr
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5 comments:
My partner wants to know what a blog is. So, I showed her your blog. I told her how easy it is to read other people's writng than to write one's own stuff.
I have been staring at the diving board for some time. Your on the diving board. What does it feel like? What makes you hesitate ?
Yesterday, I was playing checkers with my seven year old godson. At one point in the game, he had three kings aligned so that he had three different moves that would capture many of my men. He too was standing at the diving board, hesitatly. He chose to move passively and ignore the opportunities to win. I wondered if too many opportunities had overwhelmed him in the moment. But after, all he is only seven.
I savor those moments. The moments like this where a board game with a seven year old mirrors back and I learn something about myself.
BTW, the first dive of the week does not have to be a ten or a win.
Thank you, Anon. My reason for hesitation on the end of the diving board is fear that I'll blow my "one chance." Or not make my effort the best it could possibly be. As if there were no other chances. As if I couldn't simply delete any bad efforts.
The experience of your seven-year-old godson with chess is like one I've had with tennis. When an easy shot comes over the net at me, I often don't manage a good return. I'm too busy self-consciously imagining how I'm going to smash the ball over the net and burn up the court. I do better when I scramble after the ball fast as I can, hit it the best I can, and keep going.
How it feels on the end of the diving board is anxious. How it feels once I jump is wonderful, or at least mostly comfortable. But I have to relearn that every day.
I try to focus on the process versus the outcome. Why am I on the diving board? Because I love to dive. So... feel the board beneath my feet, the sun, the air, the smell of the water. The anticipation of cool, and my favorite part, the swim up from the depth, toward light and air.
With all that going on, whether the dive is a 10 or not becomes not so important. :)
The Diving Board
As a preface, my experience is pretty much exclusively with writing, albeit at times creating, and producing work for the "corporate environment." I have been very successful, for the most part. By the same token, I realize that this environment is, many times, "writing by the yard." That is, the writer is restricted by corporate needs (i.e., the effort needs "something in writing" to accompany a product, initiative, release, whatever).
One of the most important lessons I was fortunate enough to learn, and which helped me survive, flourish, and, perhaps most important, gain respect in this environment follows: You must jump, at some point. Preferably as early in the effort as possible (to avoid the potential for termination of mortgage-paying employment). JUMP! No matter how baffled or unsure you are, grab a concept, or even a wisp of a concept, and start writing declarative sentences; or titles, an outline; WHATEVER. You will go back to it. Just START. The only person you stand the chance of embarrassing is yourself. And, we can all use a little of that now and then.
The same MUST hold true for any project, whether done for hire or not. Fiction or non-.
Jump. What is the worst that can happen? A rewrite? A total discard? Embarassment? Hurt pride? You'll still learn from it. One thing is for certain, you will not drown. That's the great thing about writing (creating): You control what goes out, what is released, and to whom.
JimWing
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