Friday, October 31, 2008

Writing about Sex

Last night I started reading--and almost finished--the newly released Desire, by Susan Cheever. It's about sex addiction. In her acknowledgements she made a comment about dedicating the book to her children who'd embarrassed to death by the book. A nice irony. And very interesting book.

I have a rather highly-sexed, potentially embarrassing-to-others novel in its final stages. My mother once sent me a quote from someone saying: "Pity the parent of a writer."

But we have to write what we have to write.



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Thursday, October 30, 2008

A Small Bold Move

To tell a person immediately that I'm getting annoyed with whatever they're doing, instead of letting irritation pile up and then blowing up to the surprise of everyone.

Why is that so hard?


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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Barack Obama in Raleigh!!!

A local TV station airing this morning's speech live estimated 28,000 people gathered in the downtown mall. The line waiting to get into the area stretched for many blocks, doubling back on itself repeatedly. My office partner Carrie waited over three hours and got in.


I walked around outside with my camera, so excited, taking crowd shots in every direction. This place in this moment with the choppers hovering overhead and the news trucks lining the curb felt to me like the center of the world.



Then from the loudspeaker, audible for blocks: Barack Obama, urging people to go straight from the rally to vote. "It's a beautiful day," he said. "Don't wait."

I walked back to my office, only a few blocks away, and listened to the rest of his speech on my computer. I've never felt more patriotic or full of hope for this country.

As I walked through downtown later in the afternoon,everyone seemed to know everyone, strangers speaking to each other as if they'd already met. The dull film that can lie over an ordinary moment was gone.
I want every day to be like that, with that kind of awareness and appreciation of everything. That to me would be a bold life.



At the same time, I can feel in myself a tempering of my excitement, as if that blunting of feeling would protect me in advance from heartbreak if my candidate doesn't become president. That kind of strategy doesn't work; it just gets in the way of the fun along the way. And may well get in the way of the best results. Because full enthusiasm is likely to lead to more action toward the goal.




So, I'm advocating full-tilt enjoyment of this historic moment, which, by the way, does not mean no-holds-barred behavior. Not at all. One thing that impressed me about this morning's 28,000. It was such an orderly and yet obviously delighted crowd.

Indeed, a beautiful day.












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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Race Talk at Brunch

Sunday morning at a small get-together, I had the first direct personal conversation I ever had with an African-American about growing up on opposite sides of the color line in the South.

I'm almost sixty years old; how could it have taken this long?

Surprisingly it wasn't the Obama campaign that started the conversation. It was the movie The Secret Life of Bees, with the black woman in the group saying it was a shallow and unrealistic treatment of the black characters in the story. She called it "a white woman's fantasy."

This friend--I'll call her Jane--grew up with a mother who worked in a white woman's home. I grew up with a black woman helping to take care of me from my earliest memory until adulthood. In only a few minutes, we took a run through some very sensitive stuff: how this kind of arrangement could affect a black kid, how a black nanny might really feel about the white family. A fuller picture than either side typically saw.

During the conversation, I felt as if I were walking a high-wire: easily, but not daring to look down. At the same time, I felt a growing exhilaration and relief.

By the time I was halfway home, though, I was very sad. I didn't feel the connection with the earlier talk; but I knew it was there: how much my privilege has cost people I love, and how little I ever did to shift that balance.

I've come to feel that there's not a lot of point in flaunting guilt, or at least no admirable point; there's plenty to be done still, so I should shut up and do it.

Still, the straight talk was a good thing. For me, anyway.






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Monday, October 27, 2008

What We Don't Always Recognize as Courage

Some of the toughest kinds of boldness are not so obvious. They include:

*Waiting, when appropriate, and not "jumping the gun." Example: letting a manuscript sit a while, and then taking another look; instead of sending it off the instant it feels done.

*Changing a long-standing pattern. Example: crossing party lines to vote. A very minor example: A devout Democrat, I just voted Republican for the first time ever, on one Council of State race. It felt pretty shocking.

*Being sad when there's something to be sad about, instead of cutting the feeling off immediately with caffeine and busy work.

*Not taking on too much. Rather than overloading your schedule to the point of lunacy.

*Not worrying.




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Friday, October 24, 2008

I Like Ike's Kind of Freedom

Monday night I encountered a surprising bit of wisdom from a fellow I hadn't thought about in a while: Dwight D. Eisenhower.

I was a kid when Ike was president. He's the first prez I remember, and I was not of an age to be very politically minded. Curiously, I had fantasies about him calling me up and asking me to play golf with him. (Deluded child!!)

Second surprise, I was watching Jon Stewart's must-see distinctly-lefty satire-on-the-news Daily Show when I ran into word from this '50s Republican military man.

The guest author Eugene Jarecki was talking about his new book, The American Way of War. He said that Eisenhower, five star general and supreme commaner of the Allied Forces in World War II, warned us in his farewell address of excessive defense. Extreme efforts to ward off intrusion from the outside result in destruction from the inside.

As Jarecki elaborated: the cost of excessive vigilance is enormous and damaging financially--and it erodes civil liberties, the very thing we fight to protect. A pretty good description of the mess we're in now.

We need to take reasonable national precautions and otherwise exercise the same boldness we do by getting up in the morning. It isn't risk-free. We know that. And it's better to accept the risk of getting hit by a car on the way to school than staying home hiding under the bed and not getting an education.

Trying to completely guard ourselves is like trying really hard to broad-jump the Atlantic. No matter how hard we train, we'll wind up in the drink. Better to spend the energy some other way.

I like that philosophy. I think it's the only one that can work. Because total security simply cannot be achieved. No matter how much we spend.

I'm with Ike: let's take the reasonable and necessary risks that freedom requires. And no more.








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Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Southern Civil Rights



One profoundly thrilling part of voting last weekend was the feeling of how far we've come.

I grew up in the South during Jim Crow days. I took segregation for granted until I was 19 or 20, and then the admirably bold civil rights movement brought it to my attention. To my lasting shame, I had never even questioned the obvious and brutal unfairness to "colored people."

But Saturday I got to vote for a black man for president. That man doesn't use race as part of his campaign. But I can't help being proud that my country has come so far.

The reminders of the more racist past are ever close. Note in the picture the Confederate soldier with the American flag at the Chatham County courthouse in the rather liberal and educated town of Pittsboro where I cast my vote. Mostly we don't even see such symbols because we're used to them. It's so easy to not see things.

I devotedly love the South, North Carolina, and the town I grew up in--even though very bad things have been done here. I'm old enough now to have taken some interest in genealogy; I've recently learned that at least one of my direct forebears owned slaves and one of my forefathers was a young doctor who died at the Battle of Second Manassas. I take some pride in the fact that they were prominent citizens of their time and place; I'm not proud--can barely take in--the fact that some of my relatives "owned" people, with all the horrors that entailed. I wonder if there's any possibility that, like me, they didn't see. (Not that that excuses anything.)

At any rate, you can see what I carried with me to vote this time. I wish Ethel Gilchrist, the black woman who was my third parent, had lived to vote this year. I'm glad that I have.



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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

James Taylor Making Music in Carolina


James Taylor -- the real one, not a recording -- is singing outside my office window as I write this.

Taylor is a local boy--we claim him--who is giving concerts to celebrate Obama. I don't need to tell you who Taylor is. Everybody knows. Years ago in India, I stopped at a one-table restaurant next to the Ganges. Three rangy twenty-something guys were sitting in three of the four chairs at that table. I sat down at the fourth.

Turned out that they were from Argentina and were working in Italy and had come to India on vacation. I said I was from the U.S.

"Where?" one asked

"Outside Chapel Hill."

One of them responded by singing a line of "Going to Carolina in my Mind." I smile now to think of it, how that pulled home and India, and Italy and Argentina together for me in an instant.

This morning, when I first heard Taylor's silky voice through the window glass, it was well before the concert hour. My office partner Carrie Knowles and I walked the two-and-a-fraction blocks down to the square. Taylor and his crew were doing their soundcheck an hour or so before the performance.

It turned into an intimate performance, with him singing "Suzanne," etc. and occasionally stopping to get an adjustment in "tracking." People had gathered, but it was still possible to get close, for him to chat with audience members only yards away.

I remember hearing him live back when he was a young long-hair, as was I at the time. That has been more than thirty-five years. His voice, singing the same songs, brings then and now together.

(Oh, he just started into "You've Got a Friend," a great campaign song)

Just now in the park, watching his hands close-up riffing on that old-style guitar-- It was like watching a Zen master performing a ritual done countless times. The automatic straight-from-nature half-aware look of his performance made me think of the truism: that it takes 10,000 hours of practice before we become good at our art.

He's good. And I'm now back at my desk typing; couldn't spare time to go to the whole concert, but it's floating through my window, inspiring both perseverance and ease.

That ease with the music that's grooved into his brain: that can free an artist to be bold.

Carrie went back for the formal concert, took this picture; she could no longer get close enough to see who was singing. But there was no question whose inimitably distinct voice it was.








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Monday, October 20, 2008

Saturday I Went Out Voting....


I've never before voted early. I've never before even known it was possible, except for expatriates, etc.

This past weekend, I put on somewhat-better-than-the-usual-Saturday-gardening clothes and my Obama button and went (as promised here last week) to my county seat (pop. 2,226) of Pittsboro, NC, and eagerly cast my vote. (They wouldn't let me take a picture of my ballot, no doubt fearing I would duplicate it and stuff the ballot box.)

I've never been more excited about voting and that's saying something because one of my own brothers has held statewide office elective office here for eight years and I still have the campaign hats and buttons to prove it.

Here's the big news: There was no line. Which is one big reason to do it now. I was voter 1028 at that site, but I still didn't have to wait. Where I usually vote, at an AME Zion Church just down the dirt road from my house, I've been as low as number 17, and I don't tend to get up early. So there's an exciting lot of action going on, and voting early lets you enjoy it.

For a Democrat, I discovered, Pittsboro is a fun place to vote: lots of like minds. I just did a little research on the place. Fascinating trivia:

"Pittsboro is known for its large population of single adults. (59%!)

Approximately 36% of Pittsboro is non-white. The town boasts a diverse population for North Carolina, with several racial groups well-represented among the population.

There is an unusually large share of women in the town."

Lot of arts and crafts and granola and live music and garden supplies, too, as you might imagine.

All of which is to say: the weather is finally crisp new fall, it's a new season, so take part in it by voting now. (And please consider voting for the candidate who will bring us a much-needed fresh new season: Senator Barack Obama.)




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Thursday, October 16, 2008

Vote Early and with Passion

Early voting has begun. Here's why to VOTE NOW instead of waiting:

*Voter turnout is expected to be larger by magnitudes. If you wait until election day, you may face a multi-hour line at a time when you don't have two hours free to wait. If that happens, your candidate could lose your vote.

*Less confusion on election day is likely to mean less chance of errors and contested results.

*Early voting is quicker for you as a voter.

*Once you've voted, your candidate will spend less of his resources in trying to get your vote.

*Voting is exciting. Why wait? I talked with a Brazilian-born woman this morning who became an American citizen about a year ago. She's about to vote here for the first time, and is thrilled. I like her example. This is no time to take the right to vote for granted.

*Taking immediate action on behalf of your good cause is immensely satisfying, even good for the health. See (once again) The Healing Power of Doing Good by Allan Luks with Peggy Payne.

Here's how: info on your early voting polling places. (This is an Obama-sponsored site, but gives you your sites no matter who your candidate is.)

I'm voting tomorrow, Saturday, in the charming little town of Pittsboro, NC, county seat of rural Chatham. Lot of interesting stuff in that downtown: a store with French/African crafts, an excellent thrift shop, a retro drugstore. I plan to make an event of this outing.




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Gandhi Again--and a Thank You

One of the boldest and toughest bits of good advice I know, especially in a campaign season, is Gandhi's idea of working full-tilt and then, at the proper time emotionally letting go of the results.

In short: do the work and then step back.

I've written about this before here. I, for one, need to think about it again.

The campaign alone is causing me to throw down ridiculous numbers of snack-sized Three Musketeers. This is not helping anyone--outside of retailers and manufacturers of chocolate and I hope they appreciate my efforts. (I have a friend who is headfirst into not only chocolate, but butter-on-everything.)

Here's to giving one's best effort, alternating with periods of worry-free relaxing. It's not a bad time to start dividing the daffodils and such, for example. This is very good therapy for a cluttered head.

And now about the thank you. I want to say I appreciate the tolerance that non-Obama readers have shown here. I have been nigh-onto unrestrained in some of my political commentary. Y'all have handled my enthusiasm with considerable generosity. So I thank you for that.




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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Patriotic Spending

My local paper published this weekend a list of 101 ways to save money: don't go out to eat and things like that.

I certainly do understand that. And at the same time, there's a strong argument for going out to eat, if possible, as much as usual. Because if all the restaurants in town go out of business, that's not going to help the economy a whole lot. Restaurants failing will hurt every other business in the community as well, thus leading to more layoffs.

Me--I'm going to keep on buying that 99-cent BLT at the Cookout drive-thru down the street. I consider it bold and patriotic.






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Monday, October 13, 2008

The Groom Changes His Name

The wedding section of my Sunday paper carried a wedding announcement that said: "The groom is taking the bride's last name."

Now this bride, in traditional white gown and veil, was a debutante. The Reverend Doctor father of the groom officiated at the ceremony.

And the son and husband-to-be (who was Phi Beta Kappa in college) changed his name!!

Can you imagine the first conversation on that subject with his parents? His father and grandfather? Hoo-ey! Not to mention anyone else who knows him.

This man is bold. I've kept my maiden name instead of taking my husband's. And even in these enlightened times, I get a surprising amount of "feedback" about this. So I can just imagine what he faces and what he has been through. I expect he can handle it.




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Friday, October 10, 2008

GASP! Girlfriends Appalled about Sarah Palin

Here's the latest report from the three-week-old organization that's turning into a Raleigh, NC, campaign phenom. Their results are even better than I'd reported earlier. This group is beyond bold; they're on fire.


Greetings Fellow Gaspers!

Thank you for the phenomenal turnout on Wednesday night at Megg Rader's house, where we pledged to each other to truly make a difference in this, the most important presidential election of our lives.

GASP! originated from a meeting two weeks ago where a few friends gathered to vent their anger and frustration at John McCain's choice of Sarah Palin as his running mate. We decided that we could not sit quietly, but should -- some of us for the first time -- play an active role in electing Barack Obama as our next President. The next week, 60 more women chimed in and this past Wednesday, 110. The spirit of GASP! (Girlfriends Appalled about Sarah Palin) goes far beyond Sarah Palin herself. We're much more about being for Obama than against McCain. But it was that one, profoundly cynical and insulting choice that hit a raw nerve for hundreds, probably thousands of women here in Wake County. We are moved to action!

We know there are countless other women like us, who -- banded together in a great cause -- can launch Obama to a double digit victory in Wake County. And we believe that as Wake County goes, so goes North Carolina. As North Carolina goes, so goes America. And as America goes, so goes the world.

Last week, we collectively contributed over 200 hours to the campaign
and over $3,000. It's a great start, but there's much more to do!

We have a rare opportunity here, and only 25 days left to seize it. So our commitments to each other can not be taken lightly. Until we meet again next Wednesday, we have challenged ourselves to:

· Volunteer in the Obama Campaign at least 2 hours. Canvas, phonebank, feed volunteers, stuff envelopes. Email Anne Franklin at annesfranklin@mindspring.com if you need help getting connected

· Contribute at least $5 to the NC Obama Campaign (https://donate.barackobama.com/page/contribute/ovfnorthcarolina). Put "GASP" in the "Referred By" box.

· Invite at least 5 friends to attend our meeting next week and bring a bottle of wine to share.

· Work on at least one Gasp "Big Idea" such as our benefit concert with the Swingin' Johnsons on Oct 23rd. Contact Elizabeth Benefield eabenefield@aol.com to sign up.

· Expand our reach to include more women of color. Our fight is their fight and we should stand together in this historic time. Email Megg Rader at mrader@bellsouth.net to strategize about this work.

· Reach out to Garner and Cary and North Raleigh to band with other women's networks all across Wake County. Contact Carol Lawrence at cjlawrence@nc.rr.com

· Tirelessly promote the early vote (Oct 16-Nov 1). We will tell our families, our neighbors, our cashiers and bagboys and anyone else who will listen! http://www.wakegov.com/elections/onestop/default.htm

· Donate or lend tables, chairs, computers, office supplies and phone sets to the new Obama field office at 600 St. Mary's Street. Call Leah Cowan at 802-8164 to arrange a drop-off.

Our next meeting will be:

Wednesday, October 15
at 7:00PM (1/2 hour earlier this week so we won't miss the debate)
at the new Obama field office at 600 St. Mary's Street (formerly Mitchell's)

BRING 5 FRIENDS, A BOTTLE OF WINE AND A LAWN CHAIR.
Homemade signs are optional, but wonderful if you have the time!

We will sing, laugh, whoop, vent, share and welcome our newest members. We will pose for an historic GASP portrait. We will be entertained by amazing women! We will tally our accomplishments and set our next goals even higher.

It is an inspiration to be part of such an energetic and passionate group. I can't wait to see you all on Wednesday and hear your stories.

All the best,
Carter Worthy
carter@carterworthy.com
919-961-3595

Never doubt that a small group of energized Girlfriends can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has…





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How To Be Bold Now

1. Ride out the stock market situation. Hold on to any investments you have. Trust that the value will come back. It's the gutsy and right thing to do for ourselves and each other.

2. Continue to focus on your work, the substance of it, what you're here on earth to accomplish.

3. Enjoy the feeling of solidarity: for once, we're all in this mess together. And those of us who are artists have some familiarity with money worries; this time the English majors who decided to go to law school instead of being novelists are worrying with us.

4. Spend some time outdoors in the enlivening fall weather.

5. Indulge in some small luxury that makes you feel rich. (I'm personally keeping the Hershey's organization alive.)

6. Give some time or money to the needy. (See The Healing Power of Doing Good by Allan Luks with Peggy Payne.)

7. Campaign. (For Obama.)

8. Pray. Seriously. It helps.




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Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Hotheaded is Different from Bold

From Robert Greenwald, documentary director and producer, and his Brave New Films:

"During (Tuesday) night's debate, John McCain said we need "a cool hand at the tiller," but McCain has proven to be a loose cannon. He has accosted his Congressional colleagues on both sides of the aisle on everything from the federal budget to diplomatic relations. He is known for hurling profanities rather than settling disagreements calmly. His belligerence is legendary. Even conservative Senator Thad Cochran of Mississippi has said, "He is erratic. He is hotheaded. He loses his temper and he worries me."
When someone earns the nickname "Senator Hothead," the public ought to call his character into question. McCain's propensity to explode undermines his abilities as a rational decision maker, particularly on national security issues -- which could prove disastrous considering our country is already involved in two wars."

See the video.





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Support Group

Last night I went to the Raleigh Arts Commission's awards ceremony for the annual Medal of the Arts and came away inspired to do things! make art! persevere!

I also heard about an informal campaign group I was initially asked to join: a bunch of women getting together to ponder how to support Obama. At the time I said: I'm already doing all I have time to do; in truth I could have made time for more.

Last night, I heard about how, after two meetings, this group has evolved. It went from a few women to 60-some between meetings one and two. The name is: GASP. Girlfriends Appalled by Sarah Palin. And as my friend at the party told me, "we aren't just bitchin'." They're all taking assignments to register, drive voters, take food to volunteers, etc. It's impressive.

Which brings me to my point: the support of the group. My campaign efforts have faltered, I think, because I feel like a solitary clipboard wandering the streets. No fault of the campaign's; I just haven't attended the get-togethers that I could have.

Whereas, for my writing I've always had the support of various groups. From parents and teachers in my childhood, to my writer-buddies and my weekly writing group now.

It makes a huge difference. So, if you find your bold creative efforts faltering, if your commitment seems to be fraying, try getting a few kindred spirits to cheer you on. It's amazing what booster rockets a few knowledgeable buddies can be.


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Tuesday, October 07, 2008

"A Writer's Struggle for Emotional Freedom"

A couple of years ago, I posted about a tactic I was using to help myself keep writing through a sticky place in my novel:

"...When I was feeling shocked by what I was writing, I read bits of an autobiography by a friend, Lucy Daniels, With a Woman's Voice: A Writer's Struggle for Emotional Freedom , which was startlingly personal and disclosing. I kept thinking: if she can do this, I can surely keep on spinning this fiction."

Tonight I'm going to the ceremony for Lucy to receive the Raleigh Arts Commission's Medal of Arts for 2008. Boldness rewarded!

I'm telling how I used her book for encouragement on a documentary about her career that they'll be showing. (Which I haven't seen yet, and I'm indeed curious.)

Again, the technique, which worked very well: About every 45 minutes or so, when my courage would be fading again, I'd stop work on my own book, and read a few pages of Lucy's, and think, "Well, if she can do this...."

You probably know of a book or piece of music or some such that has done or could do the same thing for you.





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Monday, October 06, 2008

Send Message: Big-Time


In my neighborhood thrift shop, clothes are grouped, not by size, but by color. So it takes a while to shop, but the gradations of yellow to orange, etc. are mouth-wateringly appealing.

I was taking my weekly wander-through recently and the print skirts section seized my eye. Here's the one I bought: pansies made large. Even the modest little face of the pansy can be monumental.

When you want to go bold, super-sizing is the no-brainer of techniques. And it's oddly easy to forget the no-brainer.

I did some research once on how to write about the sacred. Theologian Rudolf Otto in his book The Idea of the Holy suggested that among other things, making a symbol big is a good start toward representing the holy.

I was doing that research in order to give a lecture on Moby Dick at Banaras Hindu University in Varanasi, India. I wound up writing my novel, Sister India, which I was researching on that trip, about a woman who weighs over four hundred pounds.

I didn't set out to do that. It was the Ganges I was thinking about as the sacred in the novel, and certainly it is large. I wound up with a character on the same scale. Obviously, Otto got his message across.


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Thursday, October 02, 2008

Just Breathe Here

Oh, you must try this. I just happened across it. It's a breathing room online. A site where you can breathe in concert with everyone else who goes there, so there's a companionable feeling. And it slows the breath, relaxes the body (a bit), and helps to clear the mind. Wow! All this and I can still stay online.

I have the synchronized world breath in my ears now. My shoulders just relaxed--even though I'm typing!!!

(It's hard to be bold in an effective way, if you're not fundamentally calm and operating from your solar plexus. My shrink husband Bob is ever saying to me: Breathe! Breathe!)




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Laptop Gone Wild

The mind of my laptop has taken off on its own. I don't favor this in a laptop. I want absolute fidelity from all my machines.

What's happened is that when I type "e," what shows up is both "e" and the letter next to it, so that I get "ew." Which is not always what I want to say.

And it's happening at scattered locations all over my keyboard.

(If anybody knows anything about this problem, I would love to hear from you!)

Otherwise, I'll be writing at a public computer in the Chapel Hill Library, as I am now. Or I'll be writing items like this:

It'sd sdomewtimnewsd vewry sdifficult to dsesal ewith thew inmdsewpewnmdsewnmcew of othewrsd.

Translation: It's sometimes very difficult to deal with the independence of others.

Especially those as close as one's computer.






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Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Writing: Bold Characterization


When I teach character development in fiction writing, I rely on an exceedingly clever (personally assembled) acronym, TOADS.

To show what a character is experiencing from the inside, use that person's:
*Thoughts, in the ragged language of thought
*Observation, what the person notices
*Action
*Dialogue
*Sensation

What not to do: explain and summarize the person's personality.

I like to make the TOADS point clear in the most vivid, bold, and tangible way. I've done this before by bringing a live toad to class and setting the little fellow loose.

Lately I've been gathering a collection of thrift-shop toy toads, to give students or clients as memory devices.

Here are a few of them on my arts-and-crafts spot at home, irresistibly colorful and distinct, every one of them a real character.

In addiion to offering writing advice, any one of them can be a desk toy reminder to be one's own vivid self.




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