Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Fear of Baby-Sitting

Kids scare me more than almost anything. What's troubling is the idea of being responsible for one or more, the trapped feeling of not being able to look away. This is no doubt a function of my touch of obsessive-compulsive disorder, which focuses on the fear of doing harm.

Tonight and tomorrow night, my husband and I are staying with my younger three nephews, ranging from age 5 to 12. They're lovely boys, every one.

Still... This is my vulnerable area, and I'll be there for at least two hours before Bob arrives. Intellectually I know it'll all be fine.

However, it still feels huge. Risky. Unsettling.

It's clear to me that one thing I need to do is give myself credit for doing it at all. Another is to let this remind me to have sympathy for people whose fears I don't share: of flying or public speaking or traveling alone.

I'll let you know how tonight goes. I expect that once I get there it will be fine.

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billie said...

Bring pizza and Monopoly. Should get you through at least that first 2 hours! :)

Peggy Payne said...

Good thoughts. And you home school! Omigod!

billie said...

I was thinking of asking if you'd like to jump in the deep end and come supervise over here for a day... :)

Son would proselytize the National Youth Rights Association and daughter would try to get you talking about your novels. (she's reading Ahab's Wife right now and was astounded when she learned that Moby Dick has his own book)

Peggy Payne said...

Funny that she's surprised by Moby-Dick existing...

And I think I'll hold off on Principal-for-a-Day, much as I'm grateful.

If I had kids, I wouldn't leave them with me.

Debra w said...


Just let the little girl who still lives inside of you, come out to play! I suspect that your fears will subside once you begin having fun with the boys. This is something that I am pretty good at, and very comfortable with, but I can definitely understand your reservations.

We all have fears that might seem "irrational" to someone else, but it isn't what someone else thinks that matters. It is what we can do to conquer those fears for ourselves, that truly matters. You are going into this bravely, and I KNOW that you will be fine! I am very interested in finding out what you learn from this experience. Do let us know how it goes! I will be sending you lots of positive, calming thoughts.


Debra w said...

And Peggy, I had to laugh at your comment that if you had kids, you wouldn't leave them with you! You are going to do a great job!

Peggy Payne said...

Thanks for all the calming vibes, Debbie. It went well. Will say more in today's post.

Kelley said...

Ah, but you're the cool aunt! Anything you do will be rock star level!