Sunday, February 03, 2008

Marital Argument

Last night, an argument on the home front.... I started it by mentioning something that was going to fester to the point of eruption if I didn't.

Wasn't pleasant, as I expected. But I did it, and am pleased that I did.

We didn't resolve it. We've only resolved one difference in 24 years of marriage and I've forgotten which one that was. Neither one of us is famous for changing our own minds. But each having said our piece, we move on...better for having spoken than not.

I'm fairly new to "mentioning" things immediately. And it's embarrassing that that's true at the age of 59. But better late than never, of course.

So I'm congratulating myself for getting on with it instead of waiting. It would have been a lot easier short-term to hope that the issue went away.

If you like this post, please bookmark it on del.icio.us, share it on StumbleUpon, vote for it on Digg. Thanks so much.

5 comments:

Debra w said...

Peggy,

Good for you for being able to immediately address something that was bothering you. As you know, we develop patterns of communication with different people in our lives, and it is pretty hard to change those patterns. I think that it is great progress that you were able to mention whatever it was, right away, because allowing things to go unsaid, can cause excess stress and anger. Even if you didn't resolve anything, it is much easier to let something go, if you put it out there. Keeping things in can cause resentment which will lead to feeling angry with someone at other times.

I realized fairly long into my marriage(We have been married for twenty-three years, together for twenty-seven.), that I was better off speaking my mind even if it meant an argument, because I needed to feel heard. By keeping things in to keep the peace, I was hurting myself more. I was actually invalidating my own feelings by not voicing them! Pretty powerful when you think about it.

You are right. Short-term, it would have been a lot easier to just brush the issue aside, but long-term, what would that have done to your insides?

Peggy Payne said...

"...invalidating my own feelings by not voicing them!" Great insight!!

I'm copying that one down for keeping.

Peggy Payne said...

"...invalidating my own feelings by not voicing them!" Great insight!!

I'm copying that one down for keeping.

Peggy Payne said...

Also, the dispute in question seems to have comfortably drifted away. Which is good, because today's his birthday.

Debra w said...

I am glad that the dispute ran its course. I hope your husband has a wonderful birthday!