Four Minutes to Write This

I forgot to bring my laptop from home to my office today, and my husband has my car. So I walked to the library some distance away to do this, and my time is running out after checking my email.

But here's my point: I worked on two projects today, WRITING IN HANDWRITING. Got to some good stuff. I think the change did me good. Sort of like that fellow who took his laptop to the produce dept.



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Pretend You're Blogging

"In the words of renowned writing instructor William Zinsser: 'Any invention that eliminates the fear of writing is up there with air conditioning and the light bulb.'"

From an article in the Ottawa Citizen on e-mail and texting.

One way to deal with hitting a wobbly moment writing is to pretend I'm simply writing an e-mail. Or a blog post, which almost always seems to fly straight from unformed thought to screen, without hesitation at all.



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"Hello, My Name Is Scott"

I'd intended to focus here on a cool post I ran across called "4 Ways to Motivate Your Melon". The guy who wrote it, Scott Ginsberg, had hit a wall trying to write it, so he implemented one of his own techniques for getting the juices flowing. He moved his writing location to the produce department of a local grocery store. The change did the trick. The resulting piece is entertaining and useful.

Then I googled Scott and found an even better story. This man wears a nametag full-time. The first of his several books is Hello, My Name Is Scott: Wearing Nametags for a Friendlier Society.

This man is bold.

I've said to friends so many times after leaving parties or other crowd scenes: I wish we all wore nametags all the time.

But did I start wearing a nametag myself in order to set the trend in motion? I didn't even think of it.

Scott Ginsberg did. He'd left a nametag on after an event and discovered that lots of people spoke to him and started conversations with him. So he kept on wearing it. Now he even has a nametag tattooed onto his chest.

A nametag? It takes guts to seem that dorky. I'm still not quite up to it. But I'm going to get his books, including The Power of Approachability, Make a Name for Yourself, etc.

Hello, My Name Is Peggy. Just trying out the idea.

Maybe I'll get a rhinestone cursive Peggy.

I dare you to put on your own nametag for a day and let us know what happens.


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In Lazy Memory of Bold Soldiers

So I boldly took the long weekend of Memorial Day off. And didn't even blog. That's a serious matter, like not checking e-mail, which I didn't do either.

It was startlingly easy, for one who is prone to overwork a bit and delay vacation time. I've often found that to be true with making leaps, both small and large. Once I get started, I'm puzzled why I ever hesitated.

Anyway, I did a bit of gardening for three days in a row, the last weekend that in my area that can be relied upon not to swelter.

And I took my little inflatable kayak over to nearby Jordan Lake and paddled for an hour, saw a couple of herons at water's edge. Circled a small island that during last summer's drought was attached to the shore by a long ribbon of sand.

And read. And did laundry. And hung out with my husband and a friend. And saw a movie. And ate at the admirable Watts Grocery in Durham.

When I showed up at my office building this morning, one of the upstairs tenants said, "You look rested." And I got a whole lot of work done today.

So, no downsides to this particular wee variation in the usual. When such small changes can take a booster rocket of energy to bring about, it's hard to imagine the kind of steady boldness required of the soldiers we memorialized this holiday weekend.


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The Daffodil Principle in Action

Remember the Daffodil Principle? One woman kept planting and planting, day after day, a few more daffodil bulbs. Time passed and she didn't quit. Small bits of effort multiplied and then: 50,000 bulbs burst into bloom each spring on the land surrounding her home.

With dibs and dabs of time, she'd made an art work with the impact of a mountain view. This one woman had become a force of nature.

I'm thinking of this again because I was just asked to e-mail my NC legislators asking for funding for the NC Arts Council. On the occasions when I take a moment to do such things, I'm half-thinking that I'm just wasting ten minutes.

However, a dab of my time, a dab of yours, and extraordinary things happen. People and places bloom.

Though it may not always seem so, everybody's dab is crucial. Don't forget to add yours, maybe even daily, to the world changes you want.

And, if you live in NC or have any interest in the arts here, click here to take action. It probably won't even take you ten minutes.




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Letting Your Freak Flag Fly

"Dare to Be Yourself", says the cover of the current issue of Psychology Today.

"A sense of authenticity is one of our deepest psychological needs, and people are more hungry for it than ever. Even so, being true to oneself is not for the faint of heart."

Aristotle suggested that authenticity is going after the highest good, not simply "letting your freak flag fly." (The flag phrase is from Karen Wright, author of the article, not Aristotle.)

By this definition, authenticity can have its costs, Wright points out, especially in the short term. For example, writing for the market can produce money and recognition; writing according to your own highest standards is likely to be more satisfying, and (perhaps arguably) more toward the highest good.

Showing one's quirky colors--the freak flag--is for me, not only fun, but helps in the larger effort for highest good and most profound satisfaction.

In my early twenties, just out of school, I seemed to be a bit like a color you could wear with anything. And in fact both Democrats and Republicans asked me out. Within a few years, as I became more myself, only Democrats called. Which created a smaller pool in the short-term, but led to a happy marriage.

So I think there's no either/or decision on these two approaches. I favor flying one's flag, whatever it looks like, as we each sail, with zigs and zags, toward our best selves.

(If you go looking for the article, check out the hard copy. It has a useful how-to sidebar.)




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Sweet and Sassy

A picture of a coiled rattlesnake lying in straw is on the back cover of the May issue of Wildlife in North Carolina magazine.

The image is eye-catching enough in itself. Then I was startled by the caption: "What the pigmy rattlesnake lacks in size, it makes up for in looks, rarity and bold yet endearing attitude."

Bold yet endearing? A rattler?

I studied the picture carefully and still didn't understand.

What I do like, though, is the idea of bold and endearing describing the same personality. The words bold, outspoken, etc. often get a bad rap, being considered euphemisms for obnoxious.

But they're not the same thing at all. In fact, it sometimes takes more boldness to say something nice, to say something so authentic and tender that it feels dangerous.

That willingness to be vulnerable is bold and endearing.

But I'm just not seeing it in that rattlesnake. I'll have to check out the full article on the "petite viper" in next month's issue of the magazine.



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Playing a Fear Game

Kim, a student in Perth, Australia, is having a having a bit of banter with her physics teacher in class.

From her blog Scotchkey:

"kim: Well, Mr. L. You see, I have this deficiency complex too. When I'm writing up my labs, I have a fear of writing too much because if I use up all my ink, what's going to happen then? *MrL has previously made comments about the brief-ness of my answers*"

MrL says that this would be to the detriment of her marks.


My point in posting this item: some of our hesitations are just as silly as avoiding writing because we might run out of ink.

I have even had the occasional twinge of actual guilt that I was using up so much pencil lead by doodling that produced no timeless art. This is sick! At least it's no excuse in the wealthy world of bloggers: in Varanasi researching Sister India, I knew an engineer who'd done his math homework as a kid on the margins of old newspapers. That was all the paper he had. That's not the kind of trouble that anyone who reads this is wrestling with.

I have plenty of pencil lead. And Kim can most likely get hold of all the ink she wants.

All we need is to stop making silly excuses and leap into our lab reports, our novels, our Sistine ceilings...



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One Man's Bold Decision

"I've decided to take a more personal interest in the news," said the e-mail from my friend, media expert Hank Scott, "and particularly in the things that piss me off and embarrass me as an American. It is so easy for these issues to be seen as institutional, and they are. But they also are the consequences of actions by people..."

He was referring to reading in The New York Times, where he worked for many years, about an Italian tourist arriving in Washington at Dulles Airport and being held in custody for ten days. The man is a 35 year-old lawyer who was coming to this country to visit his girlfriend and her family in Alexandria, Virginia.

The reason given for his being jailed was that he had asked for asylum in the U.S., and therefore needed to be held for a hearing. He said he wanted no such thing. Officials finally agreed this had been a mistake. Still, he was not released, in spite of the efforts of his American friends, and U.S Senator John Warner of Virginia. Instead, he spent ten days in a rural Virginia jail, where he had been taken in shackles. "He ended up in a barracks with 75 other men, including asylum-seekers who told him they had been waiting a year."

He was released when a Times reporter began investigating. Yay, New York Times!! Yay, free and vigorous press!!

And yay, Hank, for calling immigration authorities to complain and encouraging others to do the same.



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Keep Balance

A writer told me today that novelist Walker Percy kept on his desk a sign that said: Wait.

Another similar piece of wisdom received second-hand this afternoon: Be Cool. A much-published novelist offered this as advice to a younger writer startled to find himself suddenly in demand and needing to make choices.

I have a bias toward hastiness. I find it hard to refrain from a quick decision, quick action. Especially if I think I have a fish on the line who might be tempted to get away.

It's hard to wait and hard to be cool. Especially when the fate of one's novel is involved.

Still it's good advice: to let a decision rest overnight, to wait a bit and reread before sending out work that has just been revised.

In any event, it's valuable to remember: boldness does not mean rushing into action too soon.

I know a boy who, when thanking his family members during his bar mitzvah, told the congregation he had learned "chillness" from his older brother.

I'm almost sixty and in the last few years, I've learned some chillness, though not a whole lot. I do have a few strategies for moments when rashness beckons:

*leave the location
*get away from computer and phone
*get physical exercise
*talk to somebody calm
*meditate
*do a routine brainless chore like weeding
*tell whoever is pushing me that I'll get back tomorrow , even when I'm the one who is pushing me.





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Do It Right Now

"TODAY I will tackle at least two things I dread doing. I will not waste my time and energy by wallowing in boredom, worry, criticism, or fear. I will do what needs to be done even if it requires effort, risk and change."

A thought for the day from Hazelden, passed on by writer-photographer-businesswoman and regular participant here, Mamie Potter.


When I received this from Mamie this morning, I first thought: I'll post it. A second thought: I'll do it. So I added two items to my plan for today, both more important than anything already on my list.

Of course, it's still necessary to do them. But once they're on my list, it's highly likely.

If I followed through on this every day, I could really go places!



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Boldness and Good Boundaries

Yesterday on the phone with my friend, teacher, and fellow novelist Laurel Goldman I had one of those ping-moments of realization.

Rattling on about my work consulting with writers, I realized all in an instant why I prefer working with people one-to-one rather than leading a long-term close-knit weekly group. I'd always thought that my reluctance to run such a group had to do with the extreme regularity of it.

Now I know that that's the smaller part of my objection. I prefer the one-to-one irregular contacts better because I don't have to witness the immediate unhappiness that critical feedback can bring. I typically hear from the person again only after she or he has decided what to do or not do with my feedback, and has gotten past any anger or disappointment.

That period of disconnection allows me to be as fully forthcoming with my thoughts as I need to be in order to be useful.

This is true of me because my boundaries (my sense of separateness from other people)haven't been strong enough long enough for me to tell every critical thought I've had without a significant possibility of holding back, consciously or unconsciously, in a mistaken effort to protect both of us.

For a person who is paid to give feedback on writing to withhold a response to the work is malpractice. It's cheating the other person.

For me, this little distance lets me keep my balance better, allows me to be bolder and freer, more objective and better at doing this kind of work.

After all, doctors don't usually treat their own family members. Lawyers don't go home with clients to whom they've had to deliver some hard-to-take information; if they did, and witnessed any resulting unhappiness, they might be tempted to soft-pedal in a way that ultimately hurts the client.

So for the time being I structure this little distance. Maybe one day my sense of separateness will let me do it differently, or maybe not.

In any event, I'm glad to have figured out this connection between boundaries and being as fully outspoken as I need to be.










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Your Inner Guidance System

"Never leave until tomorrow the thing that you are guided to do today."

From Touchstones (Hazelden Meditation Series)quoted on Daily Spiritual Guide



The trick, of course, is discerning what is guidance and what is an escapist impulse in no one's best interests. Often that's pretty obvious. When it's harder (for a lot of folks, I think) is when the impulse is to set aside responsibilities and go play. Most anyone who is conscientious enough to think about such matters is likely to err in the direction of ignoring the voice that says take it easy.

Whatever the decision about a particular impulse on a particular day, it's so important to pay attention to the inner urgings that show up again and again. At the very least, they're important information. And may lead somewhere wonderful.




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Come Right Out and Say It

Yesterday's post cited St. Paul. Today's item on this far-reaching discussion of boldness has its origins in Edgar Cayce and aura photography.
I've just come from my monthly lunch gathering, Mystic Pizza: half a dozen folks who like to talk about metaphysics. I told a story there, then realized: I never before said that out loud to anybody.

The story in brief: I was at Heritage Store in Virginia Beach, which began in order to sell the health products that Cayce, through his psychically derived info, was recommending. The place is now a huge New Age department store, with cafe, massage rooms, etc.

That day an aura photographer had set up in a front corner. When I sat down to have my picture taken, I inwardly said: okay, God, you show up in this picture too.

When the picture emerged, the photographer said, first thing, exact quote: "What did you do, summon God?" She pointed to a vertical wisp of pink in the photo: "That's divine."

I have not arrived at my final stance about whether that pink wisp was God. But I was startled by the neat parallel of my thought and her next comment. And then I never mentioned that moment to anyone until this week.

Here's the irony. All my books are about speaking out/taking action/self-actualization. My first novel Revelation is about a minister who hears the voice of God and then hesitates to tell anyone, because after all, it sounds a little weird; and he's a minister, it's his job to tell. Finally he is emboldened. He emboldens himself. He speaks. And takes action. That's the underlying story line of most of what I write.

Hard to believe it was just a coincidence that for perhaps ten years I never got around to speaking of that little incident to anyone. And didn't even notice that I was keeping silent about it. It's certainly not as if I forgot.

It's surely no coincidence that I write (and blog) about what I do: telling others to speak up, etc. Clearly I'm preaching first to myself, which I think is true of a lot of preachers and various kinds of exhorters.

Also, I always wonder who else has pink wisps show up in their photos or floating orbs over the breakfast table, and just doesn't get around to saying it out loud.




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Anti-procrastination Strategies

Ever had a no-big-deal phone call you needed to make and you put it off a couple of days and then it became near-impossible?

I do it. I see my husband do it. Are we the only ones?

I've read that procrastination is the art of making a big deal out of a trifle. I'm not sure I know the mechanism, but I know I do see items lodge in my to-do lists: again and again on the daily lists, then sometimes for weeks on the weekly list. (Today's daily list on magenta Post-it, week to the right on orange, both stuck to the desk feature called a writing slide, which can thus be pushed out of sight.)

The sure cure is, of course, to do everything immediately. And I'm pretty good about that most of the time. But let anything slip and it's soon in a free fall. Also, trying to do everything immediately obviously can create an unnecessary and tense sense of urgency about everything.

Once I finally mark one of these stuck items off my list, I feel terrific, all-powerful, silly for having delayed. (Maybe that's why I do it?)

Rewards have often worked for me: as soon as I do x, I get to do y.

Also, doing the hard item first is a no-brainer. It's so liberating that I always ask myself why I don't always do it. (Then I think of Paul of Damascus who had the same issue: wondering about why "the good he would do he (did) not." If Saint Paul had to deal with this, I shouldn't wonder that I do.)

So as anti-procrastination strategies, here are some possibilities:

*do it immediately
*do it now and get a marvelous self-awarded reward
*do the hard item first
*get someone else to do it
*discover an underlying reason for avoidance thus making it possible to act or decide not to
*realize that the task was really a bad idea and good sense is saying no
*pair up with someone else who has a long-delayed stupid little task and do them together, then celebrate
*do it in a half-distracted state so that it's done before you know it
*plunge in boldly, like a surfer going out through the breakers, relishing the experience

Other ideas?






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Getting Published

An update on an earlier report: two weeks ago I wrote here about The Writer Daughter. The daughter is that of my dear friend Connie who shared with me, back in the 60s, many long intense teenage literary discussions (we were both so artsy and special.) Connie's daughter Alexa in April received news that her first novel had won over a major-house editor who was enthusiastically presenting the book to her acquisitions committee.

Held breath ever since.

Well, the news was terrific! Several houses were interested in the book. And now ALEXA MARTIN has a deal for her debut novel at Hyperion for good money with an editor that she "really really really" likes. And the sales force is excited and comparing her to the excellent Sarah Dessen, of whom Alexa has long been a huge fan.

It's always nice to post good news about getting published. Plus, this good news has a long history for me.

Also, Alexa didn't start writing just yesterday either. She's one fine example of talent combined with the focus and persistence it takes to publish a book.

As she put it so ably in her email: Hurray!!!

An added thought: Mustn't give all the foundation-laying credit to those teenage book talks. Her father Dr. Larry Martin is a writer who decided to be a psychiatrist instead.



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A Model of Creative Courage

From citykitty, who describes herself as an actor and an introvert:

"Screw the fear of writing, I started my book."

Kudos to citykitty!



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Gag Reflex, Lizard Brain

My courage fails me often at the dentist's; I don't like gauze or metal or cement at the back of my mouth. My throat tries heroically to get rid of the stuff: thus an unseemly fit of gagging.

This morning, I was having "impressions" made for a nightguard, to help me stop grinding my teeth. This involved holding what felt like a half-pound of wet cement in my mouth for two full minutes, one minute each for upper and lower. My gag reflex (which I learned I should code as a mere gag response)kicked in with astonishing ferocity.

Even though I could get air, for a long moment I had the sensation of drowning, and of my body struggling to stay alive. I'd never seen death from this angle before, or descended so fully into my primitive self in order to fight back. And I was even breathing nitrous oxide at the time.

Eventually, we did get the job done, the able hygienist and I. But only after I'd had an enlightening experience of what it is to be a panicked animal.

I'm going to be able to use this information, though I'm not sure yet how. I'm hoping I'll figure out how to connect with that lizard-brain part of myself, now that I've met her. Maybe we could work together on some projects; there's too much energy there to waste.




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Obama at The Raleigh Times Bar

Yesterday I ran for a glimpse of our next president.

Sitting here at my computer, I'd half-consciously noted that a helicopter was hovering overhead. And that it wasn't going away. But didn't pause to ask myself why.

Then I got a hurried shouting cell phone call from my office partner who had walked down the street with her husband to eat dinner. Traffic was blocked, she said, and Obama was working his way down Hargett Street shaking hands.

Hargett Street is one block from my office. Had I not paused to put on lipstick, I'd have seen more. Nonetheless, I arrived breathless in time to see him, across the intersection, stepping lankily into his car. Even with the door shut, I could still see the trademark white shirt and tie through the glare on the window, which I watched until his entourage was gathered and headed out.

Thrilling! Seriously!

Obama and his wife had dropped into The Raleigh Times bar for 15 minutes and a beer. Owner Greg Hatem had had 30 minutes notice that he was coming. It was enough time for hundreds of people to gather, spilling out onto the sidewalks and filling the street, clapping and cheering and pressing to meet the candidate.

This bar and restaurant is named for the newspaper that was housed in the building, the same paper where I later had my first grownup job, as a reporter covering the desegregation of the Raleigh schools. (I blogged about a Times reunion there just before the restaurant opening.)

After growing up in this state in the Jim Crow era, to be able to see Obama campaigning at The Raleigh Times bar, to see a black man overwhelmingly win in North Carolina, where once blacks had to sit in to get a seat at a counter, gives me such pride and hope. We've come a long way.

And the undeniably bold Obama is already taking us closer to the way a neighborhood ought to be.

I look forward to celebrating his presidency.




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Bold Move: Keeping On

My polling place is at Holland Chapel A.M.E. Zion Church, about a quarter mile from my front door. Today is long-awaited primary day in North Carolina. I was voter number 73 at 8:45 this morning. There was no line; I could walk right in and vote. And it's always thrilling to me to do it.

I voted for Obama because I think he's less hawkish, more a negotiator than an adversary; because he's African-American, and he'd bring in a new set of Democrats. At the same time, I hated not to vote for Hillary Clinton. I like her health care plan. And the fact that she's a woman.

Most of all, I like the fact that she hasn't quit. She has kept going, full tilt. I admire that enormously.

For artists and others who work in nonmainstream ways, that kind of bold gutsy persistence is probably the single most important ability to have (assuming basic work competence.)

I like watching that bold persistence in action. Even if Clinton is defeated this year, I think there's a reasonable chance she may yet in a later election become president. I'm planning to vote for her next time (unless she's running against a bold gutsy persistent pacifist.)








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How to Expand Your Mind: Doodle

I'm a near-constant doodler. Now I discover that there's neurological evidence that doodling helps us think, solve problems, listen better, and keep better perspective. All of which helps out a lot when one is practicing boldness, creativity, and courage.

First, I discovered at White Cafe a review of a book, Keys to Drawing with Imagination by Bert Dodson. "Best of all, though (the book) contains delightful observations and insights, it isn't drowning in advice, but is mainly focused on fun, free-ranging exercises that plunge you straight into a world of creative experimentation."

The amazing doodly drawings resulting from these at White Cafe led me to go looking for any info on what doodling is coming from and leading to. What I learned in a nutshell in the 9 minute video, doodling: langage, gesture, and cognition, is: there's evidence that speech came, at least in part, from gesture rather than primitive vocalizations. And doodling is gesture. It uses motor skills.

The idea, simplistically put, is that doodling contacts and uses more of our own native creativity and communication equipment. In my experience, it just calms me down, allows for focus.

My first memory is of doodling. I was a toddler of late two or early three, out in the backyard squatting on a bare patch of dirt. I was wearing a sunsuit with a ruffly butt and making marks in the dirt with one wobbly little finger, the other arm held out in the air like an outrigger for balance. My mother and a neighbor were standing near.

I've always wondered why I remembered that. Now I have some support for the importance of making marks in dirt.

From the blog, Consider This: "Doodling taught me to say yes to the spontaneous me, no matter how dumb or clumsy the line was on the paper. By allowing one line to lead to another, by letting the drawing inform me instead of the other way around, I came to appreciate a vastly wider horizon of possibility for me and my world."

A few of my recent doodles: the intricate one below was drawn while listening to a novelist read a chapter of her work aloud for critical feedback, the orange gingerbread angel above is my notes of feedback on my own work, and the lines and circles were done in a class I was teaching while the participants are writing for a few minutes. Definitely three different states of mind.

Drawing the crowded one made it so much easier for me to listen to the reader. I felt as if all distracting thoughts were channeled onto the page and did not interrupt me.

Once many years ago, I wrote an article on root doctors for Sepia magazine. One of the healers I interviewed drew circles and spirals and swoops the entire time we were talking. It was entrancing for both of us.

It was pretty bold of the man to do it. I've found that in face-to-face conversations with clients, they sometimes look alarmed if I take up my artwork. Office supplies stores should sell signs that say Doodling Helps Me Think. Or maybe I could simply speak up.




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A Courage Quote

For moments when resolve wavers:



"Show me what I need to know

Take me where I need to go

I give thanks
for help unseen
already on its way"

--Native American Prayer


And thanks to artist and teacher Jane Dalton for passing this on to me.



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Holy Boldness

Googling for blogs on the subject of boldness, I discovered that the huge majority that came up first were religious, Christian in particular. I was surprised, but then I was made to realize that I was falling into a kind of stereotyping.

Here's the quote that set me straight, from Black Fire, White Fire, a blog aimed at African-American women:

"What is holy boldness? And why is it that anyone folks want to portray as goodly has to be small, weak-ish, scrawny, lowly, and lamb-y? Can there be no fierceness in goodness? ... Was Moses being 'scrawny' when he stood before the super power of his time, Egypt, and requested the freedom of his people?"

Note to self: there's nothing namby-pamby about taking a passionate and principled stand.





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Self-Actualization: Write Your Life

One way to acknowledge and fuel what we're about in life is to record and announce it. For example, telling my writer's group that I'll have a draft done by the end of August almost guarantees my getting it done by then.

I'm accustomed to using that technique, and have always found it amazingly effective, for myself and for others announcing their goals. Here's an expanded version of that idea.

This morning I learned that this is Personal History Month, certainly as good a time as any to write things down, both for ourselves and for later readers.

"You may find it a bit presumptuous, perhaps even arrogant or egotistical," writes Larry Lehmer of When Words Matter, "to put your own life down on paper. But ask yourself this: If your great grandparents had left a written record of their lives, would you read it?"

Putting down what you've done and what you're doing and the story of your family "makes it real" by showing the direction you've taken, the paths and patterns you've created. It's a process of taking stock that helps in making decisions about where to put time and energy, how to spend the coming years.

Lehmer is an expert in personal history writing and author of The Day the Music Died: The Last Tour of Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens, and he knows the value of archives.

So do I. Working on a biography of painter and mystic Elisabeth Chant, I've found that every line she or any of her friends or relatives put down about their lives is valuable. I'm grateful to those who left these records. It's a gift to me; and I'll bet it was useful to the person writing at the time.

The current issue of Lehmer's free e-newsletter "Passing it On" gives a list of getting-started tips. I like Number 4: Start outlining your life, the major dates and events, in chronological order, with space provided to add new material as it comes to you.

Self-actualization--reaching one's full potential--is of course more than keeping records. But being clear, in writing, helps the process.

And May is also Creative Beginnings Month.










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Updike on Creative Courage

My model when I first began writing fiction was John Updike. I studied those Rabbit novels down to details of tenses and pronouns. More important, I found and find his work unsparingly honest and amazingly observant. His kind of writing requires an unflinching hand.

So I finally this week got around to reading his memoir in essays, Self-Consciousness, which has sat like hoarded chocolate on my to-read shelf for quite some time. Here he turns his famous scrutiny on himself, and does so in a manner that is neither self-aggrandizing nor self-deprecating. He manages balance while navigating the story of himself and his family and marriages, his world-view and his dental work.

Kirkus Reviews said the work is "A neat masterpiece of literary undressing." That reviewer said it well. And what a feat such a book is.

In it Updike deals directly with the subject of telling the tough truth and how he gears up to do it, in fiction and nonfiction. In short: he relies on a higher power.

"What small faith I have has given me what artistic courage I have. My theory was that God already knows everything and cannot be shocked. And only truth is useful and can be built upon. From a higher, inhuman point of view, only truth, however harsh, is holy."

I agree with all of that. And yet, I still flinch...at how my fellow lower humans may respond. Maybe he does too...and then writes it down anyway.

What philosophy (or self-help gimmick) helps you muster courage for your work?


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