I've Moved! Please Come to My New Site!!

Hurry to the new location, and sign up again (or for the first time) to follow or subscribe.

It's still the Boldness Blog. And I'm still an "Anxious Writer Attempting An Adventurous Life."

The address is www.peggypayne.com/blog. I'm eagerly awaiting your arrival.



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Live It Up!

Don't live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable.
-- Wendy Wasserstein

quoted at She Writes


(I also think one can stay in and do something remarkable.)

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Vivid Reminders to Live Boldly

These trees are across the street from my office. Fall color can be an irresistible reminder to dare to live with one's innate flair.




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After Four Years of Procrastination ....

Last week I committed myself here on this very blog to finish by last night a project that has been sitting on my desk at home for four years. This job was to go through the thousands of slides and negatives and B&W prints from the years when I was doing a great deal of travel writing. And to sort, cull, and properly store the ones I want to keep.

Done!!!!

And only because I staked myself out here publicly.

If I hadn't made a public commitment, I'd have put it off once again. Once I got going it probably took five hours, spread out over two days. Could have done it years ago. But I've finally done it and I'm thrilled.

I highly recommend a public commitment for anything you want to get done. Care to make yourself a promise today? Feel free to do it here.



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The Funny Thing about Procrastination

Thursday morning, I started working on a little project that has been sitting unfinished on my desk at home for FOUR YEARS!!!!

The wee task is culling and properly storing the photos I took in the many years when I was doing a lot of travel writing. They have been sitting in little yellow boxes and ancient plastic slide sheets in a blue steamer trunk. The trunk was full. Thousands of pictures of places I've been: Jerusalem, Krakov, Quito, Kerala, Chapel Hill...

In the late fall of 2006, I realized that, if I wanted to keep any of them, they would have to be put in archival plastic sheets, not the kind that stick to the emulsion.

And so I began.

You might think that this would be a very pleasant project, and it is, but just too large, and such an interruption of my precious reading-and-crossword-puzzles leisure time. Also there's the enormous number of slides, all reminding me of a moment, and each one requiring a decision: keep or toss. Toss? Keep.

So I allowed myself to be distracted by a teaching assignment. Now, almost exactly four years later, I'm back to the slides again, and determined to finish. I'm only a couple of inches from the bottom of the trunk.

What I discovered was that I could have finished what was left of this project in one weekend, and done it long ago.

I can probably wrap it up now in three or four nostalgic hours. The feeling of actually getting close to the end is wonderful.

This phenomenon was well-described in a recent Daily Om message. Here's how it begins:

"Most of us have had the experience of tackling some dreaded task only to come out the other side feeling invigorated, filled with a new sense of confidence and strength. The funny thing is, most of the time when we do them, we come out on the other side changed and often wondering what we were so worried about or why it took us so long. We may even begin to look for other tasks we’ve been avoiding so that we can feel that same heady mix of excitement and completion."

I can't say that I'm currently hunting other stale mega-projects to tackle, but maybe when the last slide goes to its permanent home. Then I'll see the amount of space in the room and exult. I wouldn't be at all surprised.


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Bold Bonus Life: House-sitting

I had no idea that house-sitting was an industry.

In August, when I enjoyed a three-week bonus life as a "a New York writer," I was staying in a studio of a daughter of a friend of a friend. It was an informal arrangement. And I was thrilled to get the chance to do it.

House-sitting is good way to work in an extra life in a different state or country. Or even in the same town.

This week, when a friend mentioned that his college student daughter was certified as a sitter and also had nanny skills, I learned that there is more to it than I brought to the job. And that some folks make it a way of life.

Therefore there are tips, referral agencies, policies, standards,and such. If you're looking for an extra life "sitting" somewhere, a good starting point is this job description of house-sitting. BTW, this is Bold Bonus Life Tip #8.

Apparently, when I killed one of Manhattan homeowner Audrey Hepburn's plants, I should have been bonded.




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Not Feeling Like Writing

In the last couple of months, I haven't been at all in the mood to write. And I've taken some time away from it.

However this week and last week, I did it anyway, which is more typically my strategy.

But I did it quickly, without looking back, without being very impressed, without much giving a damn.

Then in my regular feedback group today, I read the last week's worth. (I hadn't so much as looked it over since tapping out the rough draft.)

They liked it.

They thought it worked.

Intellectually I know that working with a light touch (not caring very much) can be very effective. The writing usually doesn't sound labored, trying-too-hard.

But in the moment, writing while you don't give a damn doesn't feel like a good strategy. Not all that much fun either.

Nonetheless. I'll be at it again tomorrow.

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The Courage to Run

Thanks to all who were so helpful in my brother Harry's campaign for judge. He didn't win this one. And this is the first race out of his nine political campaigns that he ever lost. It seemed to me, after he won his first at age 27 against a long-established incumbent and two other fearsome and well-funded opponents, that he would always win.

Well, that's almost never true.

This new outcome is disappointing to me. And he's being a champ about it. The candidate who appears to have won -- and it's not yet settled -- is a good person of similar philosophies; and that's some comfort. (It's certainly not true in a lot of the contests decided yesterday.)

As is usually true, with more than two candidates in a number of races, more people lost than won.

This fact brings to mind again a thought I've often had: what courage it takes for people to run for public office.

It's so public.

It's like being a writer and having every rejection in the news -- in detail.

I know that some politicians are as slippery as the stereotype portrays. But many aren't. Some, like brother Harry, are scrupulously decent people.

And people in politics don't get the proper credit for the guts it takes to be so public.

In every area of life, and especially in public life, it takes a lot of courage to run the race.

Thanks to all who have the boldness to run.




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Bold Campaigning (Cam-Payning?)

When it's your brother who's running for office, you'll do all sorts of bold and marginally undignified things. Like standing beside a highway in a startling coat for four hours, waving and grinning at every single car that passes.

That's how strongly I feel about Harry Payne being elected to be a NC Appeals Court judge.

Out on the roadside Saturday, lifelong family friend and architect Paul Boney kept me company and did the lion's share of holding the banner up against the gusts of wind. Prior to this day, we had between us already suffered three sports injuries of the shoulders and elbows. Yet we kept the sign aloft; through hours of UNC game traffic, our flag was still there.

It was so much fun. Paul and I had about 58 years of people and places in common to chat about. And I felt as if we were getting another vote or three with every honking car that passed. I also felt, by the end of our shift, as if I'd sailed a small boat twenty miles, which is a good feeling. I was so glad I did it...

Because Harry is such a good fair guy.

He has been Labor Commissioner for the state for two terms, served six terms in the state Legislature, and spent seven years as Employment Security Commissioner.

My psychologist husband Bob Dick is even doing a radio ad today that says: Vote for my brother-in-law Harry Payne -- He changed my mind about politicians and lawyers -- I'd never known such an ethical and good-hearted person could function so well in those jobs.

If you're in North Carolina, please vote for Harry Payne for Appeals Court judge. If you're outside this fine state, I hope you'll contact all your friends here and ask them to cast a vote for Harry.

BTW, the candidate himself took the picture above. He boldly ventured into tall grass to get the shot.



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My Last Pictures from Doe Branch Ink (for this year)

Last week was a mini-bonus life in a house full of writers with good food and good views: the writing workshop at Doe Branch Ink in North Carolina's Blue Ridge Mountains:

To give full credit, the shot above of the group from the third floor landing was taken by novelist/site manager Nick Roberts.

The ones below are part of my record of the week, and my parting exploration of the neighborhood: the wide French Broad River, the 800 person nearby county seat of Marshall and its quirkily rich Lapland bookstore, plus the blazing fall color and blue sky.

Bold Bonus Life Tip #8: Make a record: a journal or photos or blog posts or saved emails or podcasts or some combination. That way you'll have your extra tucked-in life in fuller detail. Otherwise a lot of memory will simply slide away like the fast French Broad.

And you never know what use you might find for such a record. I got my novel Sister India out of my bonus life in the Hindu holy city of Varanasi.

BTW, I do plan to lead a group again next fall at Doe Branch Ink. Let me know if you'd like to join us. If you can't wait that long, the admirable Craig Nova will kick off the 2011 spring-summer season in May.

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My Bonus Life at Doe Branch Ink: 2

Next to the last full day of the writers' retreat at Doe Branch Ink in the Blue Ridge Mountains.

I've fallen into the peaceful and richly interesting routine of this extra tucked-in life.

We are six writers on these 50 acres with three rustic houses and lots of desks with views. We're all getting work done. I know because the daily reading of revisions is at four p.m.
One of our number has set up shop in the little bunkhouse where no one is sleeping this week. There's enough room for everyone to have a bedroom and a work spot elsewhere. Note Cat writing in her corner of the second floor sunroom.


This is the first time I've ever led/facilitated a group that it hasn't felt for a moment like work. It has been fun and interesting many times before; still I've always felt that I was "on" at least part of the time.

Please note: this is a bold step for me, this not-being-on. I really like it.

Also, I've plunged back into work on my own novel in progress, which I've been avoiding since I got back from New York. I'm happy with what I've gotten done, and I've liked doing it. See view from my writing table.

To top it all off -- and who would have predicted this -- I've come to a slightly different and very exciting religious understanding since I've been here. Credit that to Mahan, who left just the right book on the coffee table and then talked with me about it later.
What changed for me was not so much new experience or new information, but seeing how my own beliefs fit together and fall into a long tradition. Makes me feel less out on a limb. Though I've always claimed to like being out on a limb, it's nice to be able to scamper back up to a central trunk.

And did I say that the food is excellent? Last night's pasta and pesto (catered by Zuma in the wee metropolis of Marshall) dazzled us all. I should have taken a picture.

Bold Bonus Life Tip # 7: Expect unexpected outcomes.




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One-Week Bonus Life at Doe Branch Ink

This is the kind of extra life that is like a surprise package. I agreed to run a writing group at a house deep in the North Carolina mountains. Miles from a paved road. I showed up.


And now I'm three days into an eight-day experience far from my regular world. It will be a chunk of time with distinct edges that allows me to operate a little differently than I might otherwise.

Doe Branch Ink is a brand-new writers' retreat center not too far from Hot Springs in the Blue Ridge. The main house holds all of us this time. Meals are catered. There's a stream ten minutes down the steep mountainside that joins with another stream and runs into the French Broad River. After lunch today, one of the other writers and I took an hour-plus hike downstream to a series of waterfalls with a 30 foot drop. It was a sturdy climb coming back to the house.

We all have been writing on and off all day, and then had a reading and critiquing session in the living room at four. Food report: Dinner was pork loin with apples, cheese grits, salad, and a dessert of walnut brownies with vanilla ice cream. And wine.

The company is excellent. The writers are extremely varied in style and interest, and all experienced at giving useful feedback, an interestingly convivial group: a woman who grew up French who's writing a memoir (and who was very curious about the naming of the nearby French Broad River), an academic/former reporter with a rather startling nonfiction interest, a business owner writing women's fiction, a well-known retired liberal minister who is writing articles. And the on-site manager is also a novelist.

The house has writing stations on the porch, the deck, the sunroom, the loft, the bunkhouse near the main house. Lots of good views. And people have been productive. Most of them more so than I have been.

But I have started a new chapter on a novel I'm working on. Haven't proceeded far into it, but I needed to get it underway.

Bold Bonus Life Tip #6: A radical shift of place and routine, even brief, can get stuck projects get moving. Especially when one is surrounded by like-minded supportive folks.



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Busy, Busy

I'm working so hard this week getting ready to go away for a week to a Doe Branch Ink writers' retreat that I haven't had time post.

Bold Bonus Life Tip #5: Building in extra lives, even only week long, takes a lot of tying up of loose ends in advance.

Back to you soon -- from the North Carolina mountains.





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A Bonus Life of Song?

It takes a bit of chutzpah to keep a sense of humor in some professions.

Take anesthesiology, for one example. Unless you're one of the 5.3 million people who have already heard this, then you must click and listen, for the smile value.



These guys demonstrate Bonus Life Tip #4: one can have an extra life even while the main one is still going on.

Another example: I talked with a successful lawyer this past week who's also in three -- or was it four? -- bands. Probably makes him much better at his work.


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An Extra Life After Ninety

Think you're too old to get a whole new life?

Have a look at this week's New York magazine, which honors nine current high achievers who are in their nineties or over a hundred. (In their hundreds?)



For example, composer Elliott Carter has published 14 new pieces of music since he turned 100.

Turning through the portraits in New York, I was wowed and inspired by what it's possible to do (as long as you're breathing.)

Though maybe it helps to breathe Manhattan air (the location of my most recent and delightful "bonus life" adventure.)

Bold Bonus Life Tip #3: Age is no deterrent. You can get an extra life at any age.





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The Hardest Thing on Earth

Here's a provocative and bracing quote sent by Mamie of Can I Do It?

Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.
- Katherine Mansfield


Now, taking this literally, the hardest thing on earth for me would be doing one of several things that I don't want done.

But the hardest thing that needs doing? That I'm in favor of. I almost always save answering the most complicated email until last -- and then maybe waiting a day. And I'd love to stop doing that. So why don't I? It's not exactly saber-toothed tigers I'm fighting here.


Bold Bonus Life Tip #2: An "extra life" could simply be a period of sticking to a resolution. This never occurred to me until now. One could decide to get a personal trainer for three months...or volunteer an afternoon a week for x period ... or meet all deadlines early for a set period. Or, what the hell, have red wine and dark chocolate daily for a while. This kind of bonus life could spill over into the regular one, which could (maybe) be a good thing.


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How to Get a Bold Bonus Life

My own most recent "extra life" was, as regular readers here know, the 18 days I spent in August as a New Yorker. I was apartment-sitting on the Upper West Side. For a year and a half, I'd had in mind the goal of enjoying a spell as a Manhattanite. It was a 60th birthday present to myself and I'm now veering dangerously close to 62.

So it took me a little while to get there, but I did and it was marvelously satisfying. I do feel as if I had an extra life. And it was my third one. The first was a month at Berkeley when I was 29, a grant from the National Endowment for the Humanities to study fiction. The second, three months in the Hindu holy city of Varanasi when I was 42, was when I did my research for my novel Sister India.

I'm now a permanent fan of the idea of fitting in extra lives: abridged immersions in other places, cultures, or jobs. Experiences so different from the usual, and so concentrated and intense, that they truly feel like a different life.

I mean to keep a running list of tips and thoughts and experiments here on the subject. Starting now.

Bonus Life Tip #One: Try out a bonus life with a different career. There are companies that offer the opportunity. Example: Vocation Vacations. Here's a chance to try out (very briefly) the experience of being, say, a chocolatier, a music producer, a horse trainer, a wedding planner, a bed and breakfast owner. This is one way to go get a tiny extra life in a different career.





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Bold Attempt at a Repair

Maybe you build and repair your own cars and refrigerators and such, but not me.

I like instant oatmeal. Processed foods. Processed plumbing. Things already done.

But now and then in the case of my familiar trusty sits-with-me-all-day computer, I get the idea I can fix a problem myself.

Now and then I can and it's greatly satisfying.

But just now I tried to fix a little problem with my blog and accidentally wiped out my entire blogroll. My whole set of lists of links.

And I don't even know yet if I solved the original problem.

Well, I'm told that scientists, inventors, artists, CEOs, etc. should always embrace failure because it shows that we're taking enough risks.

So I'm embracing my lack of a blogroll and calling it a FRESH START.

And I will not let this deter me from further attempts at minor fixes.



Ooh--just stumbled onto an article in the Chicago Tribune that tells me: "'Fear of fixing things is typical of women in their 40s, 50s and 60s... because they were reared to believe that only men are capable of doing home repairs.'"

But the article came out in 1987 so it applies to women who are now at least two years older than me. I certainly don't want to be a predictable stereotype.

Do you fix things? Or hesitate/refuse to? Down with stereotypes!


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Nina Vida's Bonus Life

I was just Friended by a writer in California I haven't met, Nina Vida. (We have lots of friends in common.) I looked at her page and was inspired.

It begins: "When I'm tempted to look at life as a series of successes and failures I remind myself that the journey is all."

Note: she became a writer at 50 and now has seven books out from major publishers, most recently The Texicans from Soho Press (with a Starred Review from Publishers Weekly. And she looks about 51, maybe.

Also on her page: "Don't let anyone tell you you're too old to do something you want to do."

This is a woman who is packing in an extra life or two.


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The Gap in the Resume

Cherished careers don’t always stay on track from beginning to end – especially in wobbly economic times.

This can be frightening and painful. A bonus life as a grocery bagger is not what anybody went to school to prepare for.

A commencement speaker at Harvard Divinity School, Professor Kimberley C. Patton, thinks that in profound ways, the difficult, uncertain periods are a good thing.

“…In these career detours, lie gestation and receptivity, what the Japanese call "hollowness" to the divine. In these nonproductive times, new things are hatching, being born in the darkness, if only we do not panic.”

How to avoid this panic?

Simply remember that the time may be very useful, that good things are germinating that cannot be forced. Keep coming back to that thought, because it so easily slips away.


(Thanks to Margaret, who sent me this address: “When the Wounded Emerge as Healers.”)


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